A Letter to My Love

To my best friend,

    I have come to know you so well, or at least I think I have.  We have endured many hardships, encluding the few fights, those nights caring for your drunken mother, and those days when your father called you all those evil things.  We have faced few things together.
    Now we are faced with a greater responsibility.  The seed you planted in me months before, is almost a fully grown.  It is almost time for our son or daughter to be born.  Even though we only get to see eachother for three days twice a month,  it feels like we've never been able to fully understand what is about to happen.  We have not been able to make plans.  We have not been able to think about this at all.  We are living by the seat of our pants and going where the wind blows us.
    I sometimes feel that we do not have a strong connection like we used to have.  Even though your job demands you to be there, I feel like you should try and find a different one where you can be home more often with your family.  Its hard not being able to run my fingers through your hair, run my fingers over your skin, listening to you breathe, holding onto you on those colder winter and spring nights.  I long to listen to your voice, hear those sweet-nothings whispered into my ear before we fall asleep and again when we wake up.  I long for that loving hug that lasts forever.  I miss you so much.
    As I write this letter to you, I wonder where you are, what you are doing, how you are doing.  I worry, especially after that accident about a month ago.  I think that was one of the many tests given to us.  Even though I wish that accident never happened, I'm glad it did. It brought us closer to eachother than anything else ever has.  Oh how I miss you.  I wish you were here with me right now, but no.  You are now working for $17.50 an hour, risking your life for people who don't even know you, who don't even care about you, who won't care about you.  I wish you would open your eyes and realize that money doesn't make life, it destroys it.  Honey, I love you, I care about you, I know you, so please come back home alive and well.
    I sit here at 4am on this cold morning, wishing that you were here to hold onto me and to keep me warm, even though you think its me keeping you warm.  You mean so much to me, even though sometimes it doesn't seem like it.  I've called you stupid, an idiot, and various other things when you would come home drunk or call up your friends for poker night when we only have a few days and nights with each other.  You would wake me up early in the morning and ask me stupid questions like "do you love me" and "why do you love me, why are you even with me."  Those type of questions hurt me because it feels like you no longer want a relationship with me. That you were only looking for a fling, and you weren't intending on slowing down, starting a family, and being a father and a to-be husband.  You always tell me about your ex-girlfriends and how they've hurt you, and how you wanted to take your life after you dated one for two-years, proposed to her, and then found out that she had been cheating on you and that she had been stealing money from you, three months before your wedding.  Then she left you...left you with nothing but a broken heart and debt.  The sun is starting to rise.
    You remember that morning when I was sick and you had to carry me to the doctor's office because I was too weak to stand.  I remember you crying because you thought you were going to loose both me and the growing baby inside of me.  You sat by my side most of the time while I was in the hospital.  It was cloudy and rainy for the four days I was in there, and then on the fifth day, I finally woke up around 6, as the sun was starting to come up.  It was so bright, but I remember looking around the room, seeing all of the flowers and balloons, then you.  You were curled up in that little chair in the corner,  nodding off.  I remember watching you look at that picture of you, me, and the cat, tears streaming down your face and the tiredness kicking in.  Then you looked up.  You set the picture back down and came to my side.  You burried your face into my hair and cried until you fell asleep.  Then you got sick.  You hadn't been eatting anything, hardly drinking anything, and you barely got any sleep for nearly five days.  Ah, those wonderful tests.
    I really wish you would quit your job and come back home.  Things are getting a little more difficult, and I need you around for emotional and physical help.  I've become so depressed after you got that job.  Yes, it's great knowing that you can pay your bills, send some money home to your small family so I can go buy food for me and the cat and pay the medical bills.  But it feels like this job is ripping me apart.  I swear, your boss is an asshole for taking away your calling time because you would rather talk to me on your break then eat those meals supplied by the fastfood place.  Then he took away your right to respond to my letters, saying that "oh, its only two weeks. Be a man.  You don't have to talk to her every chance you get.  Thats why I give you a few days off.  Thats when you talk to your woman"
  Wasn't it his truck that I ran into with the tractor?  I think it was.  It was one of those stupid Ford F-150's, silver I think was the color.  You know how much I love my John Deere and my Chevies.  You would always laugh at me when I would go out and wash the car and then move onto washing the tractor.  You said I was the only person that waxes a tractor, scrubs down all of the parts, gets the belts replaced every two months, and gets everything oiled and ready to go...sometimes in the dead of winter.
    Don't you miss those days?  I sure do.  I think if I write anymore, I could write a book.  I should try and get some sleep.  Its sad to think that you only left yesterday, back to the job.  That stupid job that keeps us apart.
    I love you with my whole heart.  I love you like the earth loves the rain after a heatwave.  I love you like the night sky loves the stars and moon.  I love you for forever and a day.  I love you.  Be careful, be safe, and come home soon.

          Sincerely,
              your best friend.


PS: The cat says "hello".