Angel of Mercy

It was as if I was in someone else's body, peering through another's eyes. I found myself standing there, banging on the window of the nursery. Screaming, "I want my baby, you can't have her!"

Two weeks prior to our wedding, I learned that I was pregnant. I remember how happy I was when the doctor told me the news, and I could hardly wait to get home and tell my fiancee', James. I know we hadn't planned it, but we would be married in two weeks anyway. I was heartbroken by his response. I expected him to be as happy as I was, but, he was not happy at all. "We can get an abortion" he replied. I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

"That's out of the question." I told him. "You are asking me to kill our baby." He would not give on the matter, and neither would I, so I told him I would be gone when he got home from work the following night. I held true to my promise, and the next day, I moved out. He, and our pastor arranged to send me away to a home for unwed mothers. I did not want to go, but since I'd moved out of our apartment, and was unable to work in my condition, I felt that I had no choice, and finally caved in to his requests. This man, the one that was suppose to love me, put me on a plane when I was six and a half months pregnant, and sent me to a place full of strangers. All alone, no family, no friends. There I would give birth to our child, which he'd hoped, I would leave there. As I boarded the plane, I told him, "I'm going, but don't be surprised when I come home with our baby in my arms." I turned toward the boarding gate, and walk away. I did not see him again for thirteen years.

I was nineteen years old, and sixteen hundred miles away from my family, and all that was familiar to me. I remember how lonely, and scared, I was. I'd never been away from my family during the Holidays before. Three and a half months I lived at the home, waiting for my the birth of my child. I watched girls come and go, all with different stories, and all who, gave thier babies up for adoption, with the exception of one, Julie. She was married in the waiting room at the home when her boyfriend came to get her. We were all so happy for her, and underneath, we all had fantasies that the same happy ending was waiting for us. I kept waiting for James to change his mind and come get me, but he never came, nor did he call.

My due date was December 25th, but to my dismay, that date came and went. It was now January 12th and finally, at 3:15 am it was over. I labored for twenty-seven hours and fifiteen minutes before the Doctor put me to sleep. The last thing I remember, was the doctor placing a mask over my face. I was exhausted, and scared, and I admit, I was glad to be put out.

When I woke in the recovery room, there stood Mrs.Chambers. She was the lady from the home that brought me to the hospital, sat with me while I was in labor, and now, here she was, to give me the news that I'd given birth to a baby girl. As soon as she'd made her announcement, she turned, and left me alone. "A baby girl, a baby girl." I repeated, until I drifted back to sleep.

Soon, a nurse came, put me in a wheel chair, and wheeled me to my room, where she deposited me in a bed. "You must lay flat on your back for two days." she said as she tucked me in. That was back in the days before they ran you through the hospital like cattle. I was drowsy the rest of the day, not suspecting anything was wrong. They let me sleep all day, and when I woke, it was late. I lay in my bed and pondered on my situation. I did not know what to do, and I kept asking myself. "Do I keep my little girl, or do I give her up for adoption? I didn't want to give her up, but would it be better for her to go to a couple that would give her all that I couldn't? What is best for her? Please Lord, tell me what to do." I prayed as I drifted back to sleep.

When I woke the next morning, I knew without a doubt, that the Lord had answered my prayer. I promptly buzzed the nurse for assistance, and when she came in, I asked her to bring my baby girl to me.

"We don't allow girls that are giving up their babies, to see them." she informed me.

" But, I'm not giving my baby up for adoption." I told her.

" You will have to speak with the dean of the Home about that." she said sharply, and walked out of the room.

I quickly found a phone book and called the dean of the home, Mrs Chadwell.

"Mrs. Chadwell, they won't bring me my baby. The nurse said that I can't see her because I'm giving her up for adoption." I reported to her. "Where did she get that idea?"

"It's our policy,"she said. You can't see her because you are adopting her out." she continued talking as if she hadn't heard me.

I reminded her of our many prior conversations. "I have never agreed to put my child up for adoption. I've signed no papers and made no such arrangements." I told her. "You know that!"

"I'm sorry, but we have adoptive parents already waiting for this child. Besides, you can't make that decision without the consent of your parents. You must be twenty-one in this state." she told me.

Tearfully, I hung up the phone. My head was spinning, and I was trying to sort out our conversation. I didn't know anything about the laws of this state." What do I do?" I was thinking. Then I heard the girl in the bed next to me as she said.

"Hey, I'm sorry, but we could not help but hear your conversation." she said. "My name is Laura and this is my mother, Dora.

Her mother, who was there visiting, spoke up. "May I ask, how old are you dear?"

"Nineteen, I replied, feeling a little embarassed that they'd heard.

"Honey, they can't keep your baby from you. You are of age in this state. You don't need the consent of your parents at all. I would suggest that you call the county attorney's office." she kindly told me.

I thanked them both and grabbed the phone book. I couldn't find the number fast enough, and soon, I was connected with the County Attorney who confirmed what Dora had told me.

It was obvious that Mrs. Chadwell, had lied to me. I thanked the county attorney and hung up the phone. Then I dialed Mrs. Chadwell and I told her of my conversation with the county attorney. I was angry when I told her firmly, "I am NOT giving my child up for adoption, and I AM going to see her today." She knew there was no need to argue with me anymore.

I hung up the phone, got out of bed and headed down the hall to the nursery. If they would not bring her to me, I would go find her, if I had to tear the hospital apart board by board.

As I approached, I could hear the babies crying. I peered through the window trying to identify my little girl. I suddenly felt calm as my eyes scanned the babies. "She would be wrapped in a pink blanket," I told myself.

So there I stood, the desperation building, the fear taking control. Someone was banging on the nursery window. Someone was screaming. " I WANT MY BABY AND I WANT HER RIGHT NOW." It was me! Of course, as you can imagine, I'd upset the quiet atmosphere of the maternity ward. Nurses were running every which way.

A nurse ran up behind me with a wheel chair. " You aren't suppose to be out of bed, please, sit down." she was pleading in her efforts to calm me down.

Again, I said firmly, "I want to see my baby, NOW! You can't keep her from me."

"Please," she said, sit down, and I will take you to the mother's room where I will bring her to you."

With that, I sat down and she wheeled me into a small room and disappeared behind a door. When she returned a short time later, she had a pink bundle in her arms. As she handed my precious baby girl to me, my desperation disappeared,my heart leaped from my chest.

Finally, there in my arms, rested my baby girl, where she belonged, with her Mommie. My eyes gazed upon a little round, rosy, face with a tiny flat nose. As I peeled the blanket back from her head, I could see her coal black hair, a full head of it! Ten tiny little toes and ten tiny little fingers, I counted each one.

A baby girl, in perfect health, what a blessing! What a gift from God himself!

I named my precious bundle, "Angela Renee", not knowing until the following year what her name meant.

"Angel of Mercy"... and that she was, and still is today, at the age of thirty-seven.