Pitiful Dick's Almanac

PITIFUL DICK'S ALMANAC PT. I
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The meek shall inherit the earth, one grave at a time.

Early to wed, early to die.

A thousand pictures are worth less than one memory.

Death is like a box of you; you'll never know what you’ve gotten.

Violence never solved anything, except for overpopulation.

The more things change, the bigger the burden of sameness becomes.

Faith is the paint for the canvas of the casket.

A glass half-empty is being emptied; a glass half-full is being diluted.

Speak of the devil... and you appear blameless.

Time waits for no man more patiently than the impatient man.

Laughter is a side effect of some of the best medicines.

You can lead a Native American to a reservation, but you can’t make him die.

The road to Hell is paved with the skulls of children.

Give a man a fish and he’ll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he'll drink all his life.

Do unto others, lest they do unto you.

To deign today is to borrow tomorrow.

Cleanliness is next to godliness, among most common obsessions.

Clothes make the man from a beast, and his vanity from pride.

Corruption grants power. Absolute corruption grants absolute power.

Behind every successful man is a woman with expensive taste.

‘Tis better to have loved and lost the ability to love.

In idle minds, the hand of God is busy.

Death and taxes are no more frequent than other forms of injustice.

Time heals all wounds, unless they are infected.

Blood is thicker than water at room temperature.

Anyone who gains exclusively through pain should calculate their net worth.

Ignorance is bliss for all who learn from torment.

You always hurt the ones you love until, at last, they hate you.

In the kingdom of the blind, they crown the blind man with vision enough to claim he is sighted.