Dear Teacher

Dear Teacher

         “Mom, did you tell my teacher we’re Jewish?”
         “No, honey.”
         “Then why does she think we are?”
         “Well, I might have implied it, when I wrote the note excusing your absence for Easter Vacation.”
         From that day on, my children started reading my creative writing projects, which I had long been sending to school in the form of “excuse notes.” (The ones for gym were a lot of fun.) Anyway, back to the story.
         I knew how the teacher would interpret the Easter vacation note. But, hey, I don’t make the rules; I just use them to my advantage. Before you judge me, as a bad mother, let me give you a little background information, and assure you that all of my children graduated high school and are now in college.
         It all started when I was in high school. I held the honorary title of, “Class Secretary.” I wasn’t voted into the position, I wrote my way in, by sitting in the hallway before school and writing excuse notes for anyone who asked. Years later, it came back to bite me when I had to explain my behavior to my children.  The only thing I came up with was, “Hey, it was the 70’s.” 
         It sounds like a flimsy excuse, but it’s not. Times have changed, and so have the rules of school attendance. For instance, my high school sent letters to my parents which read something like, “Your daughter, Cecilia Tucker, has missed 37 days so far this semester. Please contact the principal at your earliest convenience.” Even when my parents got to the mail first, nothing happened. Since my grades were fine, my father didn’t see the problem (I had a cool dad.)
         Unfortunately, my children don’t have the pleasure of relying on parental judgment regarding school attendance. If they miss more than 3 days in a semester, they automatically fail, no matter how high their grades.
         But, if you learn the rules, it’s not a problem. For instance, days missed for religious holidays and deaths in the family don’t count. Obviously no one could dispute the number of sickly relatives in our family, but it felt sacrilegious to use death this way. So, after writing notes for already deceased relatives, (it felt right, at least I wasn’t lying) I went for the religious holidays.
         Before I reveal the offensive note, let me explain the circumstances under which the note was written. We lived a long way from my in-laws, at least a 12 hour drive away. My children had not seen their grandparents, aunts, uncles, or cousins, for almost a year. We wanted to visit them for spring break, which we thought coincided with Easter. Not only didn’t it coincide with Easter, spring break was canceled that year because of too many snow days. However, Easter did coincide with Passover.
         Here’s the part where learning the rules is important. The school system would not accept Good Friday as a religious holiday. However, Passover was an acceptable excuse, and longer, to boot. So, I wrote this note:

Dear Mrs. Teacher,

Little Tinkerbell will not be in school next week as we will be out of town spending the religious holidays with family.

Thank You,
Mommy

         Now, did I say we’re Jewish? No, I did not. And, I didn’t lie, because we were spending OUR religious holidays out of town with family. It involved a bunny, eggs, and chocolate, but still…

         I can't wait for Hannukah.