A Teeange Slut

Me and My Many Flaws: I Can’t Even Write a Story



You probably picked this book because it had a cool name or a snazzy cover or maybe not because this book isn’t published because I just wrote it and it isn’t very good but oh well, but anyways in reality this book is not cool or snazzy, its much more weird and dull, maybe because I am a weird and dull person. This is a story about my life, some of it is true and some of it is what I wanted to happen or thought happened. To start things off I think you should know my name: Julie, its kinda plain, nothing special. I’m basically a normal kid. I have brown hair, green eyes with an alright body, just a little short. See nothing special, just like my life. You see my life is complicated, cause I’ve been depressed for a long time and im not sure why exactly, like I could drop dead right now and I would be like alright, cool. I don’t think that’s a good way to think about death, but im sorry I can’t change how I feel. I realized that being a teenager is seriously really hard and complicated. Its deffinatly not only about your social status at school, or what kind of clothes you wear. Oooh No teenage life has many more complications than that. I can’t really explain what they are right now because they are just that complicated and I don’t think I’ve figured it all out yet and im the one depressed about it. So when I do figure all this out I’ll let you know. But I think talking about it will help me realize what these complications are. So get ready, get comfortable and maybe get something to eat cause this may take awhile to tell you this story of my fucked up life.



I think my depression stated wayyy before the story that im gonna tell you but if I started at the very beginning id be here for weeks and my hands get tired from typing easily so fuck that shit. Ill just tell you this all the way back in 8th grade I did cut myself…deep. It was kinda gay cause my friends didn’t have any sympathy for me, but I wasn’t looking for any sympathy I didn’t even want them to know so its not like I wanted attention but anyways they just made it worse because they made fun of me for it and that wasn’t cool. So that made me feel even more uncared for and it added to the want and the need to be dead. Eventually I got out of that trend. I don’t even know why I wanted to die in 8th grade, it wasn’t so bad, just cause my boyfriend at the time tried to cheat on me with my best friend and the fact that my other friends would make fun of me nonstop until I felt like dumb fucking shit it wasn’t half bad. I mean I had a good home life, I wasn’t poor and I just lost 20 pounds. So I guess it woulda been stupid to die in 8th grade. But now back to recent times. You see im one of those girls that yearns for love, I need it and I can’t live without it. That’s why I get attached very easily. I didn’t notice this until this boy that im gonna tell you about told me this. It made me very sad.


Alright im gonna start the story now. It all started one snowy February morning I got up like usual at 6 am and I began brushing my hair and put my new herbal essence smoothing cream in, then I straitened my hair real good and put on my usual pound of make up. Then I put on one of my favorite outfits, which was my kinda tight flare blue jeans and my green t-shirt with white writing on it and even a thong. Now usually I don’t wear these things but there was to be a field trip at school today and whenever im doing something special I try to look and feel my best, even in the underwear department. After getting ready I went down stairs and ate breakfast while watching Danny Phantom on nickelodeon until my ride came. When I arrived at school I went to a couple morning classes and then the announcement came for the kids that were going on the boces trip to come down to the main lobby. So I met up with my friend Sam cause we planned to hang out during the field trip because not many people were going because it was for building trades.haha. It was kind of a joke to go for this but I think it would be fun to build a house or something. So me and sam got on the bus and we didn’t talk much because we were friends but not good friends. I mean she used to sit at my lunch table and we would talk in the hallways but it was never like call me or wanna hang out after school? So we got on the bus and we listed to music off of her ipod. It was a pretty nice ride cause we were in the country kinda and I was feeling in a good mood. As we were going there sam said “those are some nice houses” and I replied by saying “yeah, I bet they have really nice carpets”. Yeah im a little weird, but it was funny. So then we arrived at boces and we didn’t really know were we were supposed to go so we just wandered around aimlessly until we found a room that said building trades and we walked in and the teachers started talking about building and crap and then for the rest of the day we just talked to people and sat around. But im kinda sick of talking about this part of the story so im leaving out a lot of the details. I’ll just skip to the next part which is a good part. So after the day was over this weird sounding bell rang and me and sam went outside to get on the busses to go back to school but we couldn’t find our bus and then the busses started to leave. I think that was fate cause if those busses woulda waited for us the rest of this story probably woulda never happened. So we went back in the building and told them we missed the bus so they called for another bus. We fucking waited for that bus for like an hour. It was pretty gay. Stupid bus systems they sent a whole regular sized bus for 2 people.haha it was so funny. So we got on the bus and I fell asleep and we got to school and we didn’t feel like walking all the way home so we walked to McDonalds and ate food cause I was so hungry I like devoured a whole cow. When we were done eating I called my mom and I was being all nice so she would pick us up but Nooo bitch got to be all mean and say “well I just got home and I wanna sit” well she didn’t say that she kinda screamed it. So she wasn’t gonna pick us up. And it was cold and VERY windy. So we decided that we were gonna walk to her friends house. Well more than her friend. Her ex boyfriend’s house to be exact. That was the worse and longest walk I ever took. Holy crap. My pants were so wet and I didn’t even have a hood on my jacket. While we were walking to her friends house I was thinking this kid must be like really fat and ugly and big cause sam… well… she’s not the hottest thing ever. She’s short like me, chubby, round face. Not really appealing to the eye. So we walked all the way to his house cause he had his own house cause he was 18 and he already moved out I also found out that he was a drug dealer and that he fucked sam after he dumped her. And that now he hated her because in his words she’s “a doss cunt” I still have no idea what that means. So we went to his house which was on top of a pizza place on the crappy street of my town, sam knocked on the door. No answer. So I knocked harder cause I was fucking cold and I didn’t care if I broke that door down. He finally came to the door. Wow. This guy was nothing what I thought he would look like. He was maybe 2 inches at the most taller than me he was skinny and so cute. Meeting him made my life make a drastic change and im still not sure if that was a good change or not. So we went into his house and we were just standing there in his computer room just talking and I was shaking. “Oh by the way my names Julie” I said after a little while. “Mines Greg” he replied. Then we were just hanging out and I was shaking terribly when we were all sitting on the couch. And the nice guy that he is gave me a blanket but it wasn’t the blanket that made me feel warm after a while it was his sweet personality and I instantly had a crush on him. We stayed there for only about 2 hours and in that time period me and sam wrestled and that’s when he leaned over and said “you’re my hero” cause who doesn’t wanna see two girls wrestle. I mean c’mon. I even got a black eye while we were wrestling and I was proud of it cause I like to look rugged. After that Greg and me were playfully arguing about cartoons and he drew tattoos on me with a pen, he was so cute. Then me and sam had to go home so we got in his car and I live closer to him but he took sam home first and after we dropped her off he asked if I wanted to come back over and I said sure so we went back to his house and talked for a while. Unfortunately sam called him and said my dad called her and wanted me home now. So I walked home. But when I got home my dad wasn’t mad. At all. That bitch tricked me. Oh well I don’t care if she didn’t want me to talk to him I went home, went on the computer and found his myspace and requested him as my friend. About a minute later I received a message from him saying “ha-ha what’s up kid” (yes I still remember exactly what he said) and I replied and we began talking via myspace messages. It was great; I got his number and everything. The next day he called wanting me to come over I hurriedly fixed my makeup and walked over to his house, slowly though so it seemed like I was the cool one that took her time. When I arrived at his house he poured his feelings out to me explaining to me how he instantly fell for me the minute I walked thru the door. Ha. I wish that happened. You see I have this problem, I tend to think up stories that would be amazing but this didn’t happen. But what did happen is kinda like that. I stress the word kinda because its way less cute than that woulda been.


What did happen is this: we planned to hang out on Saturday. The Saturday that I will never forget. The day started off when I called him at 12:07 I think it was. You see I have this system I make my phone calls arrive at weird times. Like if I say im gonna call at 12 I make it like 12:07 so it looks like I had better things to do. As you can see I care a lot about what other people think. So I called at 12:07. No answer. So I left a message. He called about 1 minute later and told me to come over and of course I was already ready so I walked slowly to his house. Butterflies were going wild in my tummy as I checked myself out in store windows. Every window made me look different. I was so nervous. Oh no don’t sweat! I got to his door, I opened it. As I was walking up the stairs I remember thinking what am I doing here? I hardly know this guy. I knocked on his door he peeked his head out and I stood there feeling like the fattest thing ever. “Hi” I said as I stood there feeling awkward as hell. “Hey” he replied. He let me in. I took off my shoes and went and sat on the couch. His friend matt was there. I knew this kid from 7th grade. He went out with one of my best friends but he didn’t remember me. Oh well. Then we played monopoly cause we previously planned to play it. After a while we stopped playing and matt went over in the next room to play on the computer while me and Greg sat on the couch and watched TV. We playfully flirted and it was obvious that we liked each other. Sitting turned into laying and laying turned in to cuddling. I couldn’t believe this was happening and I thought I had butterflies in my stomach before. We talked about previous relationships while he rubbed my sides and tummy and while I played with his hair. We were looking into each others eyes. I was saying all the right things and so was he. It was great. Then we kissed. It was soft and tender with a little bit of tongue. I could feel his tongue ring up against my lips. When we were done I bit his lower lip. I didn’t even try this, it just happened. And he said “oh freaky” ha-ha this boy was amazing. We continued this for about 3 hours. Just kissing and cuddling. Then he asked me out.  Today was a great day. Then his sister came over and they were talking and I was kinda excluded so we just laid there on each other and he was like “im tired”. “Me too” I replied. He suddenly got up while holing my hand. Oh no I hope he cant tell my hands are sweaty. “oooo where are you two going” said his sister. “were tired” he said back. And we went into his room. It was dark and it smelled like pizza. I commented on the smell “I like pizza he said” no wonder he lived on top of a pizza place. We laid down on his bed. And we started cuddling again. The butterflies returned at full force. We started to make out for awhile and he started to go down my pants. “no” I said. I just met you. “but where going out”. “just wait” I said. “okay” he said. So then we continued kissing and that’s when all my morals left me. He started feeling my boobs. By the way im only in an a cup. Just to let ya know. The button on my jeans was next. Then the zipper. Before I knew it he was rubbing and going in and out with his fingers. And I let this happen. “would it be bad if we had sex?” he asked as he continued touching me. “yes, we cant, im not a slut” “okay” he said. “oh boy” was what he said next “what?” “im so hard” “but we didn’t do anything” “you turn me on so much”. hand job. That came next. Then my shirt came off. Then his did the same. “take off your pants” “my pants!” they came off. Ow he was in me. I said it hurt “can we stop?” I asked in pain. “no… im sorry do you wanna stop” “no” we continued. He started to thrust harder. But he wasn’t mean about it. He repeatedly asked me if I was okay and that I was beautiful and that he thought he was falling in love with me. I loved it. We stopped cause he came. don’t worry though he had on a condom. We just laid there after and cuddled. Then we got up and I couldn’t find my pants but then did. I felt different. I felt used. I felt like a slut. I stopped him from leaving the room. “did you use me for sex” “no don’t think that”  “I believe you” then we stood there and hugged while he said reassuring words in my ear. Then we went in the living room. His friends knew. My hair was a mess. I was late to come home. But I didn’t care. Then he had to take his friends girlfriend home. I came with cause I love car rides. And I sat in the front. He looked so sexy when he drove. He speeded. And shifted with ease. He’s so hott. He rubbed my knee as we drove. We dropped the girlfriend off. I was quiet. I was too consumed in my thoughts and day dreams. Dude. I just had sex with a guy I met 3 days ago. He dropped me off. He never called. I called him. I was nervous when I called a day later so I stuttered. Oh my god I sounded like such a fag. 5 days later it was valentines day. I got ready to hang out. I had time so I went online my best friend Natalie had news for me. Greg sent her a message he didn’t like me anymore. I called him. No answer. Again. No answer. Again and again and again. Finally he answered he said I was too attached. Well im sorry I was attached you fucking had sex with me. You used me for sex. No I didn’t. we yelled. He yelled. I pleaded for him not to dump me. He didn’t take it. He yelled more. I said fine bye. It was over. I couldn’t believe it. On valentines day. The day of love. I was dumped. I hated life. I am an object used for sex. Not love. Not to make love with but to fuck. I will never be loved. I was so depressed I cried until I couldn’t anymore. I felt stupid cause I only knew him for a little while.


Nothing really mattered after that. I spent about a week being sad and depressed. Ugh. I sent him messages on myspace asking why? No reply. I never got over him. About a week later I started dating Andy. he was cute. I guess. But greg was hott. I dated for him for about 2 weeks when I called greg. I went to his house wearing a skirt and knee high socks. We had sex….again. It wasn’t like the first time. After that I started skipping school. I didn’t care anymore. I was just an object of lust, not love. So I continued fucking greg. I skipped school and went over there with sam. I fucked him there when I knew sam wanted him too. I didn’t care though. This is the only affection im gonna get loveless fucking. I hated it but I did it. I started doing drugs and passed out in front of school one day. I learned later I coulda died that day from doing a large amount of end dust. I smoked weed. I didn’t care. I failed classes. Then one day me and sam planned to skip school after 1st period. We first went to tops to steal makeup. We got caught. I don’t feel like going into detail here. Cause I just want to end this story. Lets just say the rest of the story includes me fucking greg again, getting arrested. Wasting all my money on a fucking lawyer and breaking up with Andy. then sam went to the hospital for trying to kill herself. We planned to run away me and sam were still planning. By the time you read this I’ll probably be on the missing persons list, because I know this is supposed to be fiction, but its not. This is my life. I know its not the worst but I hate it. Me and sam are running away. Away from pain. Were gonna go be sluts who fuck guys not for love but for the fact of doing it. I hate my life im a drugged out slut. I thought when I began writing this it would be a good story with detail but im lazy and I just want to run away and not have to go to school or get nagged by my mom to fold the fucking laundry. I miss Sam. I  haven’t seen her in about 2 weeks. that’s how long the hospital has kept her for. She’s out now. It makes me happy. I think I’ve realized why im so depressed and its because all my goals have gone to shit I have no one who loves me. And I basically hate my life. There’s more to the story but like I said im a lazy drugged out slut. A lazy drugged out slut who wants to die. I cant even write a fucking story. I wish I could tell you the rest of the story but my butt hurts from sitting here for so long and I have to pee from drinking so much mountain dew. Maybe if I woulda found someone to love me for me and not for sex I woulda stayed. But I didn’t. this is a true story. Im stupid. I know. My friends tell me all the time that I am. I don’t need you to tell me I am. I hope no one I know reads this. I hoped you enjoyed it. K. im done here. Thank you for your time.


Oh by the way if the Sam character reads this. Im sorry I said you weren’t the hottest thing ever and that your chubby. I feel real bad. Cause you’re my best friend now and you went thru the same shit that I did. I love you.