jumping off

far from the land of plush, cashmere grass that comes on the backs of trucks,
where bikes don't require legs,
but a little motor and a large helmet.
i am stretching my umbilical cord of morality to its breaking point
shocked at how far it will go
how much i can rationalize.
my arms are outstretched towards the scissors that will cut it completely
leave me fresh from the womb,
barely noticing how unsheltered i am
and launching into an adolescent nightmare
i huddle in dark corners
with people i felt nothing for but connected to,
our noses close
stroking each other's hair
and trading stories
of mental and emotional incompetence
these people i don't know but know i could know, i should know.
I betray those who care about me,
waiting for me to have a tea party on that unnaturally soft grass
to kiss my freshly washed and made up cheeks
and tell me i am better than i am
i leave them for
something to think about in the time between waking and sleep
And i'll refuse to take no for an answer
I'll refuse to accept a happy quiet life
risking everything that is important
everyone who matters
for things that can only give temporary pleasure
and the excited anxiety of something i know i shouldn't do.