She Rides a Broom

She Rides a Broom

Forget about last weekend's pain of the Horrible Hilly Hundred (the Midwest's toughest cycling event). Forget about the almost bad incident on the previous Monday night's club ride when another bike club member and I almost collided due to some red Cherokee Jeep pulling over and stopping, and then taking off again. Forget about the guy who intentionally hit the shoulder gravel with his truck, to spit up stones in my face last summer. Malicious intent seems to be the order these days when car meets bicycle.

We hear it every day; complaints of us cyclists being on the road, doubling up, obstructing traffic, impeding their progress, yet we do little to fight back when it's our rightful space that is being invaded. I bet we each have at least one story to tell of a close call. Mine is recent, most odd, and ignited my ink to the point of boiling.

There's a witch masquerading as a "lady" in Thiensville. She rides a broom that's masquerading as a gold convertible Sebring. She tried to run me off the road today at lunch and intentionally cut me off in the Walgreen's parking lot. She was frantically beating on her horn like one of Pavlov's dogs, awaiting some treat for the repeated behavior. Although, she wasn't salivating...it was more like foaming. All the while she was ranting like a lunatic insisting I had no right on the road, she continued to beat on her horn. The witnesses were drop-jawed and frightened...I was too, but I kept my composure and asked her to step out of her car and call the police if she felt I was in the wrong for being on the road. She sped off the minute she realized I wasn't going to back down. Had I a pen and paper in hand at that very moment to write down her license number, she would have had the long blue arm of the law at her doorstep; probably a much safer solution than my hands around her throat.

In lieu of hunting down her nest and destroying the eggs...my initial reaction was to jump in her little sporty vehicle and refuse to leave until she understood that cyclists have rights too, that contrary to what she and many other motorists believe...we do have a right to ride on the road. I could have dragged her sorry carcass into Walgreen's and taken both of our blood pressures for free. I'm most certain it would have given testimony that this gargantuan tantrum she was throwing wasn't healthy for either of us! I wanted to get inside her head to find out why she felt the way she did, why she tried to intentionally scare me or possibly even hurt me. Would she have felt better had she made contact? Would she have liked to see my bike and body crumpled? What is it that motorists are missing here?

It's truly sad when the bicycle enthusiast's heart must be stifled, squelched, and finally removed. I've never been a risk taker, but it's getting to the point where cycling is definitely raising the odds of injury. I heard from some of the riders on the Horrible Hilly ride that part of the route had to be closed down because some farmer refused to tie up his dogs that were chasing down riders at the very top of a hill. So, rather than call the police; facing the possible risk of no ride next year, the route committee chose to close that portion of the road to riders. Thus, many rode 109 miles instead of the 124.2 and were unable to be listed as finishers. I was fortunate enough to complete the full course without any dog incident, but, it still makes my ink boil!

I'm feeling the exposure to this type of road rage more and more. It goes without saying, the more you ride, the more these types of situations will occur. I don't want to pack up my biking shoes and take up knitting...not just yet. What I do want to do is be "Outspokin" a bit more...try to verbalize civilized.

All I know is there's an uncivilized verbalizer in Thiensville, beating her horn, frothing spittle from the corners of her pursed lips. She rides a broom, disquised as a gold convertible Sebring...be careful, you may not be as lucky as I.