Chapter Three: Starving for Substance

    Alex waved to Chris from the front of the building as he drove away. She held a hot coffee in her hand and for a fleeting moment, she was truly content. Why is sex so much better after a fight?

    Chris had been on his best behavior that morning. He had set his alarm before her own to make her breakfast and run out for a specialty coffee. Then he drove her to work, but it was probably because she had spent most of their dinner conversation bitching about the blister on her heel. He had done everything to reclaim his title as favorite person in her world, and she was allowing herself to buy into it.

    Her complacency was brief. She turned and was faced with her prison cell for the next eight hours: a shiny new glass and brick building with enormous red and white letters spelling, "Remington Realty". Her stomach turned with dread like it was the first day of school all over again. Well Alex. This is what you have to do until you figure out what you want to be when you grow up. She gave herself the same peppy speech every morning over the last three years. It had obviously done little to motivate her.

    Alex heaved the large glass front door open and trudged into the lobby.

    "Morning, Alex!" the ever cheerful receptionist, Marie called out.

    "Hi, Marie." She examined her appearance, constantly pressed, plucked and perfect. She was one of the first employees to arrive each morning, yet she was always impeccably put together. Alex was grateful to simply find matching shoes and a shirt that didn't have Monday's lunch dribbled down the front.

    Alex shuffled past, arms crossed to minimize the visibility of her wrinkled blouse and headed for the mail room. She grabbed Richard's mail and a small memo from her own mail slot before heading towards the elevators. She lowered her head and pretended to be immersed in her company memo as she passed the snake pit, also known as the break room.

    Each morning, she walked by the doorway and moments later heard cackle of laughter from the wicked bitches of the east as they converged over their cauldron. Karys, also know as head bitch, had decided upon Alex's arrival that she was to be the subject of their torment. Karys was bitter that Alex had been hired to be Richard's assistant when she had her eye on it for months prior. Her two little shadows were Julia and Michelle. The first, an overzealous reborn Christian that liked to remind everyone continuously about how much better she was than the rest of the world because she had found Jesus. The latter had the energy of a two year old, the professionalism of an eight year old, and the personality of a hormonal teenager.

    Despite the fact that Alex technically was ahead of them on the corporate ladder, and she had more maturity and class than the three combined on a good day, they scared the hell out of her. Each morning they resurged every insecurity she ever had. Their torment was nothing short of the time in third grade when she wet her pants and her two 'best friends' had ruthlessly pointed and laughed at her. Apparently some women were born cruel and grew up to find one another. Karys was positively vicious, and Julia and Michelle were too stupid to realize it.

    Later in the day any one of them would pass by her desk and engage in typical office chatter. They could change faces in an instant, depending on what they needed.

    Alex skirted by the doorway, as invisibly as possible, only to soon hear the cackle of laughter from the witches den.
     
    Alex rode the elevator to the ninth floor, grateful the worst part of her day was over. She reached her desk without incident, and was grateful to see Richard was not in yet. On the rare occasion he beat her into the office, he was typically frazzled that Alex had not been present to turn on his computer, get his coffee, and generally wipe his ass for him. It was not an amusing way to start her mornings.

    She set her purse and coffee down on her desk and unlocked Richard's office. As she was turning on his computer, she noticed a stack of bank statements left on his desk. She had almost missed them since she didn't immediately recognize the foreign banks. It wasn't terribly unusual except for the fact that these had his name listed at the top.

    Richard's personal accounts? Alex scanned the hall to see if anyone was approaching. It was a silly thing to do since she was in his office every morning shuffling papers, but she was very good at getting caught in the act. She nearly choked on her tongue when she saw the numerous seven figured account totals at various banks. And that bastard only pays me twelve fifty an hour!

    She heard the distinct ping of the elevator as it reached the floor and scrambled to restack the statements. Her heart was pounding as she raced over to his coffee maker and started slinging about filters and coffee grounds. Alex did her best to pour water into the machine without splashing the wall behind it.

    "Morning, Alexandra," Cherise called out as she briskly strode by the office.

    Alex breathed a sigh of relief. Cherise was the executive realator that worked down the hall. Michelle was her assistant, and Cherise could often be found ducking away into Richard's office simply to escape her boisterous ass-kissing. Julia also worked on the floor, but only because her office and several others were presently being used as interview and training rooms due to the company's latest expansion. That left poor Karys all alone four floors beneath them, and Alex was grateful every day for it. 

    After Alex finished prepping Richard's office, she sat at her own desk to check her messages, actually Richard's messages. He just didn't have the patience to retrieve his own messages. She pressed the star key and a computerized voice announced four new messages. Slow start today, but I guess I shouldn't complain.
   
    "Hi, Ricky," a syrupy female voice dripped through he receiver. Alex hated when he gave his business line to women he wanted to avoid. "It's Kim. I just wanted to say thank you for such a wonderful night. I can't stop thinking about when..." Delete. I don't need or want to know.

    She scribbled down 'Kim from last night' and moved onto message two. A horrendous squealing of a fax trying to connect screeched at her ear.

    "Dammit!" she muttered before erasing it. She had received the same fax for nearly two weeks, and yet every morning she forgot about it. I really should leave myself a note about that. Message three:

    "Hello beautiful!" Alex was startled to hear Chris on the phone. "I know you told me not to leave you messages this way, but it was the only way I knew you would get it. I just wanted to tell you that I love you and I miss you already. I hope you have a wonderful day, and I'll call you later." Alright, I guess that was sweet.

    "Mister Green, this is Norman Haslov calling again. I hope you are not avoiding my phone calls. Please get in touch with me right away."

    What is that all about? Alex wrote down, 'Norman Haslov, again (pissed off)'.
Originally, her personal commentary had started as a hint to Richard that she did not appreciate his social calls. But of course, in his warped little head they were perfect for prioritizing.

    Alex pulled papers out of her in box and turned around to search for a filing accordian when she heard, "Hi Alex!" The evil coo of phony friends. She looked over her shoulder to acknowledge Julia and Michelle strutting along the hall.

    "Hey," was the best she could manage, and ignored them as they walked on. She continued with her search, probably more than necessary since she knew exactly where she kept everything. It seemed a good enough reason to avoid being pseudo-social.

    I swear, at my next job I will not work with a single woman. Men are much easier to deal with.

    "Good morning, sunshine!"
   
    Crap, I need to re-think that whole thing."Morning Richard. Your messages are on the corner of my desk." She returned to her fake scavenger hunt, hoping it would work on Richard.

    "Delicious! Is this carmel?"

    Alex turned to see Richard had abducted her coffee. Before she could find the words to get it back, he took his confiscated coffee along with his messages into his office. Alex honestly thought she might cry.

    Who does that? So not cool!

    "Wow, Lexi! You didn't have to make me coffee, too!"

    I didn't know you would be stealing my breakfast. And don't call me Lexi, you prick. That would be the name of a stripper. "Well, it is monthly update today, so I thought you might need the boost." Alex had perfected her sunshine and daisies voice a long time ago. It came in handy since she hated Richard virtually every minute of the day.

    "Too much caffeine gives me jitters, but thanks though. I'll let you get to work!" He closed his office door, which usually meant he was about to spend some time on personal business.

    Oh, well. At least he won't bother me for a while. Alex rested her face in her hands, mourning the loss of her delicious five dollar cup of coffee.

    "Hi, Alexandra!" a bubbly voice called in front of her.

    Please don't really be there. She slowly lifted her head and clenched her teeth into her most patient smile. "Good morning, Bethany." Please, God. It's early and I don't have any coffee. Show some small scrap of mercy.

    "How are we today?" asked the corpulent woman.

    "Fine, just fine." Are those little yellow ducks with bow ties on her dress?

    "Glad to hear it! I'm good too." She giggled her trademark, something similar to a clown on crack. It gave Alex chills each time without fail.

    "That's really great."Where do you even buy a dress like that?"Did you need me for something?"

    "No, just wanted to say hi...so, hi!" Giggle, horrifying giggle.

    "Okay, well, I'll see you later."Pick up the phone and pretend to be busy.

    "Kay, bye. See you later," she waddled away in a trail of giggles, looking over her shoulder to wave.

    Bethany was her daily sympathy check. Alex put forth every effort to be kind because no one else in the office would.  Poor Bethany had never done anything other than be the token office geek.

    Alex heard her phone beep twice, indicating Richard was paging her. She rolled her eyes and picked up the receiver.

    "What did giggles want?" he asked into his speaker phone.

    She swiveled her chair around to face him through the glass windows separating them. "Bethany was just saying hello."

    "What does she do here again?"

    "She works for Bill."

    "Oh, that's right." With that he disconnected Alex and put on his hands free phone to pretend to work.

    Alex swiveled back to her desk with a smirk. 'Bill' only existed when she needed a quick answer for Richard. "I think Bill was working on that," or "Bill said not to worry, his people are working on it." Richard just rolled with it, too embarrassed to admit that he didn't know who the important Bill was.

    "Beep, beep!"

    "Yes, Richard?"

    "Did you get my memo out about today's meeting?"

    "Yes, Richard," I only do this every single month.

      "Oh. Good." Richard was a huge fan of his meetings, but everyone else thought they were obnoxious. They were essentially an hour of Richard holding everyone hostage to brag about how much money he had made in the last thirty days.

      "Beep, beep!"

    Christ! "Yes, Richard?"

      "Did you get the packets back from the printers?"

      "Yes, Richard."

      "Good." Click

    Every month they had the same discussion, and even though she had never once made a mistake, he still interrogated her. Richard didn't want anything to go wrong in his shining moment.

    Crap.

    And every month his questions were enough to make her doubt herself. She pushed her chair away from the desk and headed towards the conference room.

    She cruised down the hall, nodding politely to other assistants at their desks. The responded with corporate smiles. Alex hated walking by the executive offices. Each time it reminded her that in three years, the closest she had to a friend in the office was Bethany. Karys wasn't the only person in the office bitter about Alex being hired right in, just the most vocal. Most of the assistants had spent considerable time at the company before becoming executive assistants, and they never warmed up to Alex squeezing right on next to them. Occasionally, the old rumor surfaced that she was some one night stand of Richard's that talked him into hiring her. For a while the office was convinced she had something dark and exciting on him. Little did they know, he hired her because she was willing to start at a crappy wage instead of the outrageous salaries qualified assistants were asking.

      Alex felt her stomach flip with nerves as she saw Michelle round the corner. She clomped towards Alex with a clear mission.

    Wonder which personality came to the office today?

    "So, did you bother to ask Richard for his lunch order for the meeting, or am I going to have to take care of that myself?" Hostility dripped off her tongue and splashed onto Alex as she shoved a deli menu in her face.

    "Well..." Alex began.

    "Oh never mind. I'll just do it myself. That's what I always have to do." Michelle snatched the menu away and barreled for Richard's office.

    Dear, God! Don't they make a pill for that?

    Alex was unable to move for a moment after her surprise attack. She always managed to find the appropriate response after her enemies had long forgotten the scenario. Anger began to burn in the pit of her stomach, frustrated that she had lost her tongue and was berated for no apparent purpose. She clenched her hands, set her jaw and moved onto the conference room, determined that her encounter with the hormonally psychotic would be an isolated incident.

    Her tension trickled away after she saw her set up for the meeting appeared to be in place. Packets of monthly numbers and updates were placed neatly at each seat, gleaming in their traditional red binders. She sat down at the computer to make sure the Power Point presentation was cued and felt confident that once again she had made Richard look good.

    So I can type some numbers into a spreadsheet and out pops a pretty colored graph. Hooray for me. See mom, I really didn't need those last couple years of college. I'm a great assistant without a degree.

    "Checking on things before the big meeting?" Karys' icy voice caused a twitch in Alex's neck.

    "Oh just a few last minute things," Alex chirped, her voice strained so much with fake cheeriness only dogs should have heard her. If I concentrate hard enough, I bet I could make her head explode.

    "I guess it's never too late to make sure you haven't royally screwed things up, huh?" Karys flashed a toothy grin and cocked to head to the side.

    Alex returned the counterfeit pleasantries of her tone. "What are you doing up here anyways. This floor is for executives and their assistants, and I don't think you're either, sweetie." Ooh, look at that vein stick out of her forehead.

    "I'm helping Michelle get the exec's lunch orders in for the meeting."

    "So you would be an assistant's assistant. That's nice. Actually, Michelle forgot to get my lunch order, so if you could..."

    Karys cut her off. "Sorry, but Richard isn't on my list of people to order for and only the executives can order for their assistants. Well, I'm pretty busy. Enjoy your meeting." she scampered out the door before Alex could protest and insist on placing an order.

    Great, now I have to go perform ballet over eggshells to get lunch from Michelle.

    Moments later, Alex was cautiously approaching Michelle's desk. She had the phone pressed to her ear and her lips pressed together as if she had sucked on a lemon.

    Okay, obviously angry personality is going to hang around today and not give the others in her head any play time. Lucky me. Alex hung back until Michelle wrapped up her call, which unfortunately sounded like the placement of the lunch order. She hesitated, knowing it would take some clever kindness if she wanted to eat.

    "Are you just gonna stand there all day, or did you want something?"

    "Well, I realized I forgot to tell you what I had wanted to order for lunch today."

    Michelle set her pen down and huffed.

    Oh, damn. Her head's about to start spinning around.

    "Do you seriously think that I have nothing better to do than run around and find out what everyone wants for lunch and then have to call it all in and make sure it comes on time and labeled so none of the exec's have to waste any more time figuring out who's lunch is who's? And then you come along and just think that you can throw yourself on and it won't cause any problems? Sure Alex, I have nothing else to do today, only my job. But let me put that on hold so I can figure out lunch for you and your boss."

    Seriously, time to look into medication.

    Alex felt two inches tall and had lost all spirit of courage to fight back."You know, I think I can just take care of my own lunch."

    "Gosh, are you sure?" Michelle rolled her eyes and returned with feverish fury to whatever it was she did all day. It was a bit of a mystery to Alex why Michelle always seemed to be under some horrific deadline and overburdened like no one else in the company.

    I could just call myself in something and add it to the order. No big deal.

    "Alexandra! I've been looking for you!" A near frantic Richard headed down the hall carrying a stack of files. "I need you to get these down to the copy room and wait for them. Then take the originals over to the underwriters at the title agency. Then when you get back, I need you to get on the phone and get the numbers in from the satellite office before the meeting." He dumped the files into her arms and strode away without missing a step.

    Twenty minutes later she was trying to suppress the desire to staple the copy boy's tie to his forehead. He had dropped her files and sent papers across the floor before jamming the machine.

    It seemed his lack of technical skills had not gone unnoticed, as he was denied any further technology, including a telephone.

    So much for calling my lunch in. Maybe I can run across the street before the meeting.

    Three hours later, caffeine deprived and starving with no relief in sight, Alex sulked behind her computer at the back of the conference room. The agent at the title company had kept her waiting over an hour as some passive aggressive payback for Richard never calling her back after they went out. Then some poor new girl at the satellite office couldn't figure out what Alex was asking her for, so by the time she collected their figures it was time for the lunch meeting, and Alex had no lunch to bring. Her mouth watered as she watched Cherise bite into her roast beef and swiss sandwich.

    Richard pranced about the front giving his "hoorah" speech meant to fire everyone up. "We're on track to having our best year yet! And let's not forget, we all lead by example. So if you aren't doing the work yourself, neither will the team under you."

    My god, does anyone actually buy into this?

    "Now why don't we take a look at the final figures from last month." In one synchronized motion, everyone at the table opened their portfolios. As Richard rambled on about projections, Alex noticed all of the executives shared a look of confusion, some of them were leaning into each other and whispering. Finally, enough attention was off of Richard and he stopped stroking his ego to ask what the problem was.

    "Well, Richard," Cherise volunteered. "It seems we have all received last years numbers. The entire portfolio is outdated information."

    "What are you talking about?" He snatched up his own copy, which Alex always delivered to him in the morning so he could familiarize himself with all the hard work everyone else had done. "It's fine, all of this is current."

    Cherise shook her head again and handed over her folder to Richard. "We're not crazy. Look for yourself."

    Alex watched Richard's expression melt from minor amusement to "someone is about to get fired" anger. Her face began to get hot and her heart began to race with panic. Oh no. Why is he looking at me like that? I checked everything...I thought I did. I wouldn't pull numbers from last year, that's stupid.

    Richard inhaled a slow deep breath. "Well, Alex."

    Oh, shit. I'm fired.

    "Perhaps now would be good time to start the presentation. I believe most of the information from the packets is on it?" He flashed a smile about the room. "Sorry your information won't be individually tailored today, but we're all flexible, right?"

    Everyone mumbled in agreement as Alex slowly felt blood return to her brain. Hands shaking, she clicked on the screen and set the presentation off. She turned to dim the lights so the large screen at the front of the room could be seen better.

    Richard continued, recovered from his momentary upset. "Now this should be...what the hell?"

    Alex turned back around and froze in horror when she saw the screen. It was not a projection of profits but a photo of Richard at the last holiday party dressed as Santa with a rather scantily clad elf. From the looks of things, it had been a pretty wild night.

    "Alex!"

    "Sorry! I don't understand..." Panic stricken, Alex fumbled with the keys, skipping to the next slide. The politely suppressed giggles in the room erupted when Richard appeared on the screen yet again, only this time he was dressed in women's clothing.

    "Dammit Alex! Turn that thing off!"

    Okay, now would be a good time to have that formal training thing. Her mind blank from panic and humiliation, all she could think to do was hit the power button on the computer and pray she didn't just trash the entire system.

    "Meeting canceled! Everyone back to work." Richard pounded the table with his clenched fist as everyone cleared the room. Alex rose to sneak out, but was unsuccessful. "Not you."

    Alex turned to face a fuming Richard and felt like she was five years old and had spilled grape juice on the new carpet.

    "Sit down, Alex. I think we need to talk about a few things."


*****


    As Alex reached the base of the stairs to her apartment, she couldn't contain her tears any longer. She sunk to the first stair and was soon horrified at the hysterical sobs that wrenched from her lungs. She had spent the afternoon cowering like an abused dog. Terrified to screw up any worse, she didn't leave her desk, which meant no lunch or bathroom breaks. She had managed to retain her job, but was one mistake from that changing as Richard had informed her. Alex never got a word of defense in throughout her entire thrashing. She just couldn't understand how the presentation got so screwed up when she had double checked everything. Although, the name Karys had wormed into her mind a few times during the afternoon.

    She regained as much composure as possible before climbing the stairs. If Chris was inside and she met him in a hysterical state, pandemonium would break out for sure. He wasn't much better at dealing with crisis, especially hers.

    She was about to put her key in the lock when the familiar sound of guitar strumming caught her ear. A warm smile spread across her face. Chris had not touched his guitar in nearly a year. When they had met, they were both certain he would become the next music legend, but day to day living had taken over and he lost heart in playing.

    Alex waited for a pause in the music before entering.

    "Wow, I can't believe you..." she stopped at the site of a young brunette sat on the sofa with Chris. "You have someone over."

    The brunette popped up from the couch to greet her. "Hi! I'm Kate. Chris and I work together." Her toothpaste smile faded as she noticed Alex's puffy eyes and tear-streaked cheeks. "Are you okay?"

    Chris jumped up with concern across his face. "Baby, what's wrong?"

      "Nothing, just go back to what you were doing." Alex brushed past the young girl, restraining every urge she had to shove her into the wall.

    "Alex! Where are you going?" Chris grabbed at her arm.

    She jerked her arm away, staring at him with rage in her eyes. She couldn't even fully justify her anger, but there was a tension in the room that made her feel like a mom who had just walked in on two teenagers.

    "I was just on my way out," Katie chimed in, obviously uncomfortable. "Thanks Chris, nice to meet you Alex." She frantically made her way for the door without waiting for a  response.

    "What is going on, Alex? You look like you've been crying and now you're pissed at me? What did I do?" His concern and confusion seemed genuine, but Alex knew she wasn't crazy.

    "I just happen to have had the worst day of my life. I thought I could come home to my husband and cry about it. But instead I find him playing love songs to some strange girl in my living room. How should I feel right now?" Her stomach commanded her attention with a loud growl and she started for the kitchen.

    "I work with her, she broke up with her boyfriend and I felt sorry for her."

    Alex slammed the refrigerator door closed. "You do realize this is not helping you. You console some poor girl I've never met with music and wine?" She gestured to the open bottle on the coffee table with the two glasses next to it.

    "Jesus, Alex! You're making a big deal out of nothing!" Chris picked his guitar up and flopped onto the sofa. "I don't know what exactly you think was going on, but you're wrong."

    "Right, there's nothing inappropriate about being a married man and entertaining a single young woman while your wife is at work." She headed for the bedroom but abruptly stopped as a new thought crossed her mind. "Speaking of which, isn't that where you are suppossed to be?"

  "Well, what happened-" Chris started.

    "You know what? I don't care. I am too hungry and tired to care. I don't want to have this fight right now. I can't right now." Alex choked back a sob as she retreated to her room. She shut the door with and unexpected calm.

    This isn't happening. He's not that type of person. No, Alex. You had a long day and you are blowing this completely out of proportion. It will all be better tomorrow.

    Alex started the shower strugling with the idea that she was either going crazy, or losing her husband.