White light

White light .

There are only so many times you can tell someone they aren't good enough , before they start to believe you.
There's only so many times you can knock someone down , before they lose the will to get back up.

I can be told not to give up , an energy surge, a kick of inspiration , one to the dozen.
But then it all starts all over again, something i used to love , and embrave in my soul , turns into an ordeal, almost a fear.
Terrified of failing , terified of the looks and dissapointment , disbelief reflected from there face to yours.
An image painted a million times over, nothing new , nothing unusual, a kick in the teeth to reshape, replace and polish. Then standing in line for another bleak beat of the boot.

Hand in heart walking to try again.
Tears moped , face painted back on like a clown , a laugh , a joke , a squirty flower performance to conceal my sentimental stupidity.

Heart dropped, stamped on and danced upon. 'Tis bruised and torn and snagged at the seams . Stiched and patched rocked and held and baby cradled once to many times for comfort.

You seem to know, not to care. I catch your eye but you pretend not to see me , not to know me. so i stay alone to stand trampled and defeated.

Wanting you to rescue me , mo white hankie not quite a damsel, i prayed for you to smile away my tears , but now they are long dried, i stand on the darkened empty stage, waiting  for you to turn the light on .

Then i saw it.
The only light.
The only answer.
White light.