Yo! Depression! Lemme Holla At U!

Yo! Depression!
Lemme holla at u!
I thought to myself ‘I’ve lost my muse’
Then I realized that my muse is ensconced in every nuance of u
Like electricity
Running thru me like a fuse

Yo! Depression!
I’m telling u
I be thinkin’ to myself
When and where can I unload this load of pain?
And I think maybe when the dump truck
Comes on Thursday it can take it
And unload it in that body of still rain

Yo! Depression!
U know I watch other people whine their blues
And their whimpering they fine tune and I wonder
What fucking reason do they have to complain?
Shit, I’m the one as a young gun had my sexuality being
Explored painfully draining from me my self worth over and over and over again!

Ay, Yo! Depression!
I’ve tried hard to survive this past and make silent my cries
I’ve tried to put away this pain
It’s deceits, it’s shhh!’s, it’s secrets and lies
U know what, I watched the Jefferson’s on TV Land last night
And u know the song right…
Finally got a piece of the pie…
I said well shit muthafuckas with my life I’m still waiting to smell it baking
Let alone having a piece of the damn pie!

I need a ray of hope because each night when I lay my body down
Every second until it shuts down
I’m still wishing I would die
Spent hours in the darkness of my room questioning God asking Him
Why?

Why do I feel that sometimes death is better?

Yo! Depression!
It feels SOOOOO good sometimes when I can feel the vibes from the
Place I’ve envisioned to be
The spot where I’m happy, I’m better, no pressure
U see it’s the place where I am free
But then I’m brought back to earth
The four corners of my dark room at night and the reality
That I’m a fallen soldier, a wounded warrior, yeah that’s me

And Depression
Nothing changes for me
Because entrapped in me is 23 years of feeling the fullness of nothingness
Beating against the walls of the inner perimeter of my heart are the feelings of worthlessness
I scream daily on the inside but dammit it never reaches my lungs to put out the loudest cry that
I’M SICK OF THIS MESSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!

See Depression
Angered I feel everyday and guilty about the fact that this keeps me
Paralyzed in less than
I am weary when I am faced with the NOT MEASURING UP,
NOT QUITE THERE, LITTLE MORE WORK NEEDED signs lodged
Into the grounds of my inner being enslaving
What could be a strong black woman
Drugs and liquor don’t numb this loud silence within me
Because no matter how Southern Comfort’s me I’m still distraught
And no matter how high nature takes me I’m still on land
Stuck in limbo between the great change and just not giving a good gotdamn!

So Depression
Can you help me out buddy?
Is there an elixir for this
Indifferent state of mind I’ve acquired?
Some relaxant that helps me chill out my loins that seem to stay on fire?
Curb my sinful desires?
Take me in Jesus a little higher?
Maybe a pill that will erase the existence of insufficiency that lives in my head?
One that will give me a reason to get out of bed?
Fuck it Depression, I’m not picky, I’ll even take a generic drug it if makes me stop wishing I was dead

Answer me this Depression
Are you here to take this pain and make it go?
Cuz on the real
I don’t know if I can live through this again tomorrow
And on the real
I don’t know if I can make it through all this sorrow
So, Depression
Lemme holla at you cuz you gotta help me yo