Leonard

Why does humanity crave survival when death is such a welcome retreat?
Leonard took a swig of his beer as he skulked past a neighboring home, his desolate thoughts painting an accurate picture of his mood across his face.
We desperately hold on to life, always afraid of the end. But not existing has got to be better than living with no purpose.
The warm summer night let out a humid sigh, the tropical air clinging to his skin like an imaginary leech. Taking a long drag on his cigarette, Leonard pondered the meaning of life, if no other than his own. He crossed the street aimlessly, a wildly honking car barely skirting past him as he fell deeper into despair. The streets were mostly empty in his neighborhood. At this hour, the residents had retired to their various indoor nighttime activities. Yet, Leonard could not bring himself to enter his home. The emptiness was currently too much for him to bear. Another breath of nicotine burned sweetly as he inhaled. Looking up at the clear, starry sky, he blew the smoke out forcefully. He almost wished the heavens would feel his pain as it consumed his tainted breath.
Why do I feel so lost?
He couldn’t remember his last moment of true happiness. Loneliness had gripped him tightly years ago. Despite his efforts, it had refused to loosen up. His promising future hung in the balance. College was beginning to lose its meaning, his friends were growing apart from him, and his romantic life, or lack thereof, was beginning to take a toll. The only girl he had felt anything true about in years, he had dumped yesterday. He still didn’t know why. It was probably all linked to this uncertainty about where his life was headed.
Approaching the three story fraternity house, he tried to ignore the thumping bass resonating from the building. As was becoming common for him, he considered turning and running away. He had no specific destination in mind, but the thought of feigning satisfaction in front of his frat brothers was almost enough to make him not care. He came to a halt at the threshold, staring at the gated entrance absently. His ears registered the footsteps a split second before he felt the cool metal against his neck.
"Stand still. Don't fucking move, or I guarantee it will be the last thing you do."
The rush of blood to his head lightened its weight, and his vision blurred. For a second, it was easy to believe that he had imagined the voice.
"Keep walking. Straight."
His mind recorded the command, but his legs remained immobile. A nudge at the back of his neck enlightened him as the source of the cool metal feeling became apparent. The unmistakable roundness of the deadly nozzle sent a trigger throughout his body and he finally managed to step forward. Right leg, left leg, right leg, left leg...
"That's it. Down the street."
Leonard wondered if he was in shock. Though his heart was speeding in his chest, he couldn't seem to mentally grasp the situation. His entire consciousness was concentrated on the simple act of walking, nothing more.
"Stop here."
He stopped. Surveying the scenery, he saw that he had walked over a block away from his frat house. The persistent calming had spread to his chest now, and his heart had slowed to just under mach speed. Opening his mouth to ask about his assailants intentions, his words were cut short by a sudden burst of light, followed by a suffocating darkness.

* * *

The first sign of his own conscious awareness was the pain. Dull, throbbing pain. Groaning, Leonard attempted to feel the back of his head and assess the damage, only to find that his hands were bound behind him. Scooting himself into a sitting position, he surveyed his surroundings. He seemed to be in a small storage room. There were boxes everywhere, with a desk and chair setup on the wall opposite the one he lay against. The only illumination came from a small lamp setup on the desk. A figure loomed in the corner farthest from him, its face shrouded with darkness. As he attempted to bring everything into focus, the unidentified man approached. It seemed that the shadows followed him as he moved; Leonard couldn’t seem to get a clear look at his face. Though he wasn’t much taller than Leonard, with about the same build, his aura of hostility made him seem much more formidable. Stopping halfway between Leonard and the table, the figure turned and moved towards the chair. For what seemed like forever, Leonard could hear the man tinkering with unknown objects. In desperation, he struggled against his restraints, hoping to at least loosen the ropes. When it became apparent that his efforts were futile, he attempted to stand up. Just as he was making some progress, the man turned around. Walking over to Leonard slowly, deliberately, he put a hand on Leonard’s shoulder and pushed him back into a sitting position.
“I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” he said cryptically.
The voice was deep, raspy. There was a sort of familiarity in it, as if this man had spoken to him when he was a child and he was remembering the incident now. A hint of sorrow trailed at the end of his spoken sentence. For some reason, this only made Leonard more fearful.
“Who are you? What am I doing here? What do you want?”
Sitting down with his hands tied behind his back, Leonard found it difficult to look straight up into the face of the man that loomed over him. Either way, the only light in the room was being blocked by the man’s body. Leonard struggled against his restraints once again after failing to get a response to his questions. The man stood for a moment, then turned and made his way back to the table. Leonard quickly grew tired and sat panting on the ground. He had begun to perspire, as much out of fear as out of exertion.
“What… what is this? Huh? What do you want?”
The man continued to play with his toys.
“Hey! Are you listening to me? What do you want? I haven’t done anything to you man. What the hell do you want?”
“I want you to shut the fuck up.” The man spoke the words with an ironic patience. The calmness in his voice was almost as terrifying as the gleam of light that shined off the edge of something metal and seemingly sharp. At this glimpse, Leonard lost all sense of self and a pleading note entered his voice.
“Please… I didn’t do anything man. I mean… whatever I did, I’m sorry. Just tell me what I did.”
The man turned and walked over to a closet that Leonard hadn’t noticed was there before. His breath became labored, ragged, as he witnessed the man remove an electronic buzz-saw. Even in the poor lighting, Leonard could see that the blade was dull and rusted. He watched in horror as the man plugged the saw into an outlet next to the desk and tested it out. The high pitched whirring sent a chill through Leonard’s body and he began to shake.
“Come on man, please… I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Whatever I did, I’m sorry.”
Turning off the saw, the man pulled a small, wheeled workbench from beneath the desk. Slowly, he placed his various toys onto it. Each piece of equipment was displayed with ample lighting. It was obvious that Leonard was meant to see what the man possessed. Surgical knives. Bone saw. Pliers. A hammer. Leonard’s throat closed up and he felt his bladder release. Whimpering, he tried unsuccessfully to scoot farther backwards as the man wheeled his deadly arsenal over to where Leonard sat. Returning to the desk, the man grabbed the chair and saw before he finally took a seat in front of Leonard.
“Now… Leonard… I’m going to ask you some questions. There are no right or wrong answers. There are answers that I like, and answers that I don’t like. So… it is in your best interest to be as candid as possible.”
The salty taste of fresh tears filled Leonard’s mouth. Mucous flowed freely from his nostrils as he curled up even farther into a semi-fetal position.
“Are you going to answer my questions Leonard?”
A quiet sob escaped his throat as he violently shook his head in response.
“Good. Now… are you in school Leonard?”
Leonard shook his head again, involuntarily convulsing. The cold concrete had long ago made his right arm grow numb. A trickle of blood flowed from his wrist where his wasted struggle with the rope had created a lesion. The prominent scent of urine was overpowering. Leonard gagged, and vomited. The acidic taste of bile, cigarette ash and beer filled his mouth and he spit in disgust. The man sat calmly, observing the misery.
“Do you have a girlfriend?”
Leonard shook his head no, continuing his hacking.
“Why not?”
Leonard stopped spitting, turning his head toward the still shadowy figure. Once again, he unsuccessfully attempted to get a glimpse of the man’s face. He opened his mouth to respond, but only managed to let a sobbing gasp escape his throat.
“Answer me Leonard. Why is it that you do not have a girlfriend?”
“I… I… don’t know.”
The man sat back in his chair, seemingly contemplating Leonard’s response. After a tense moment, he moved forward again.
“Leonard… I didn’t like that answer.”
With that, he picked up the hammer and slammed it into Leonard’s hip. The cracking sound was drowned out by Leonard’s screams. The pain was instantaneous, intense. His vision swam as he fought to hold onto consciousness. Sobbing, he trembled uncontrollably as the man replaced the hammer.
“Is there another reason why you don’t have a girlfriend?”
Leonard banged his head against the ground, sweat and tears flying from his face.
“I… I have commitment issues.”
The man sat back.
“Better. Now, Leonard… how are you doing in school?”
Leonard felt his now empty stomach rise again in a dry heave, but swallowed it aggressively.
“I’m… I’m doing okay. I’m doing okay,” he panted.
“Just okay? Why just okay?”
The shattering pain in his hip had dulled to a slightly more bearable throb.
“I… I haven’t been paying attention.”
“You haven’t been paying attention. Why is that Leonard?”
Leonard swallowed again, the burning in his throat intensifying.
“Because… I… I don’t know.”
The man picked up a surgical knife and reached toward him. Leonard squirmed on the ground, his voice elevating to a high pitched squeak.
“I MEAN… I MEAN… I mean… I haven’t been very happy lately.”
The man stopped his hand in midair, pausing for a second before replacing the tool.
“You haven’t been very happy. Why is that Leonard?”
Leonard closed his eyes, willing himself awake from this nightmare.
“I… I’ve been depressed.”
“You’ve been depressed? Mr. fraternity-college-boy has been depressed? What exactly do you have to be depressed about Leonard?”
Leonard opened his eyes and stared at the puddle of vomit next to his head.
“I just… things haven’t been going my way.”
“Explain,” the man said, sitting back.
Leonard closed his eyes once again, imagining himself in a better place.
“I just… I’m tired.”
“Of what Leonard?”
“Of everything. Of pretending I’m like everybody else. Of being alone. Of… everything.”
The man stayed quiet and Leonard opened his eyes, anticipating another attack.
“So… Leonard… if you are not happy, then why do you keep doing the things you do?”
Leonard shook his head.
“I… I don’t know.” He tensed as the man reached towards the table. “I MEAN… I… I want to change things. But I don’t know how.
The man sat back again, thoughtful.
“So, you’re not happy, and you don’t know how to change things so that you will be happy.”
Leonard nodded.
“Have you considered ignoring everybody else and doing what’s right for you?”
Leonard shook his head and the man paused again.
“Okay. Here’s what’s going to happen Leonard. Tomorrow morning, you’re going to wake up, and you’re going to forget about your commitment issues. You’re going to go to class, and study. But most of all, you’re going to pick up a pen… and write. About anything and everything. You’re going to do all of this because I said so. This is not a choice.”
Leonard nodded emphatically.
“One more thing Leonard.”
The man brushed his hands against his tools, causing Leonard to whimper apprehensively.
“You will never regret another breathing minute, from this day forward. Is that understood?”
Leonard nodded his head uncontrollably.
“I can’t hear you Leonard.”
“Y-y-yes. Yes.” The answer came out in a gasp.
Suddenly, the man grabbed a surgical knife and stood up. Leonard felt his body go limp with fear, and fresh tears sprang into the corners of his eyes. His pleads were blocked by the lump in his throat and he only managed a silent scream. The man reached down and began to cut. There was a release followed by a warm sensation as the blood flowed back into his lifeless arm. Incapable of standing on his own, the man dragged Leonard to his feet. It was then he noticed the small window above his head, a full moon shining bright.
“Last thing Leonard.”
The shaft of light flowed directly into the stranger’s face and revealed his features. Leonard felt his legs give out again as he looked into a nonexistent mirror and caught a glimpse of the half disfigured, aged, unmistakable face of himself.
“If you tell anybody about tonight… I will kill you.”
* * *

“Diana, are you coming? We‘re all going out to eat breakfast.”
Diana turned and faced her roommate, wiping the teary corner of her eye.
“N… No. Not today….”
Her roommate walked over and hugged her gently. Stepping back, she looked into Diana’s eyes.
“I know it’s hard. But he didn’t deserve you anyways. You were too good for him. Any man that can give you such a B.S. reason for breaking up with you as ‘I need some time alone’ doesn’t have the right to be with a woman as beautiful as you.”
Diana nodded, her eyes unconvinced. Sighing, her roommate turned and began to walk away.
“If you change your mind, call my cell. If you need to talk or anything, let me know. I’ll come right back.”
Diana shook her head.
“Don’t worry about it. I have to study anyways. I have a test at noon.”
Her roommate shrugged, waved goodbye and walked out. Diana sat on her bed, staring into nothing. Lying back and closing her eyes, she tried to clear her mind. Drifting through the darkness of her mind, the buzz of her cell phone startled her conscious. Reaching over to her dresser, she picked up her phone and stared absently at the name on the caller id. Slowly opening the device, she put it to her ear and closed her eyes.
“Leonard…”
“Diana! Diana. Oh my God… Diana.”
Her eyes flew open as she listened to the franticness in her ex-boyfriend’s voice.
“Leonard… what’s wrong?”
“Don’t worry about it. Just listen. We have to talk.”
“Talk? About what? You made yourself very clear the other night.” A note of anger had entered her voice. She hated feeling like this.
“No, no. You don’t understand. Diana, I love you. I always have. I just couldn’t say it until now.”
The shock of the words were overpowered by the realization that something serious had happened to Leonard.
“Leonard, are you okay? What’s wrong with you?”
“Nothing Diana. Absolutely nothing. I’ve never felt better in my entire life.”