Interview with a Unicorn

Interview with a Unicorn

“And we’re back. Tonight, gentlemen, here on Understanding Women, we will with the help of our next guest solve the age old mystery that has haunted most of us for years – women’s obsession with unicorns. Please welcome Udell the Unicorn.”

“Thank you, Frank.”

“Udell, our mission here at Understanding Women is to seek to understand the enigma we cohabitate with daily. We expect honest answers, even if they are hard to stomach.”

“I understand completely.”

“Udell, please pardon my frankness, but can you explain to our loyal viewing audience, what you are exactly?”

“Sure, I am a mythical creature that has existed for thousands of years. I am part Billy-goat, horse and lion. As you can see I have the body of a horse, the hooves and beard of a Billy-goat and a lion’s tail. I also have an alicorn – or the spiral horn growing out of my forehead. We have suffered some recent evolutionary changes to our species with the modern generation no longer possessing the lion’s tail, Billy-goat’s beard and hooves. We believe that this is due to environmental shifts.”

“Interesting. Do you have magical powers?”

“Magical powers – well, I do not want to answer that question directly for safety releases, but the media has reported openly on our ability to heal and neutralize poison.”

“Well, Udell, let’s cut through all the mumbo jumbo and get to the nitty gritty. Why are women fascinated with unicorns?”

“Besides having an obvious phallic symbol attached to my forehead proving the theory that men only thing with their phallic limb, I symbolize all that is pure and righteous.”

“Really? I find that hard to believe. If you stand for all that is right and pure in the world as you claim, why are you not more forthcoming? Why do you only appear in dreams?”

“Are you sure that you want me to answer to that question?”

“You know that we want the truth to further our understanding … “

“…of the enigma that men cohabitate with daily… Yeah, Yeah, Yeah!”

“That’s right!”

“See this horn.”

“Sure, can’t miss it. It must be 14 inches long.”

“Right. This horn has a lot of magic in it that women love. It is a natural aphrodisiac!”

“Really?”

“I am the perfect man!"

“How do you figure?”

“I arrive when she is lonely and needs some one. I say nothing. I am only there to satisfy her every need. Look at the art that I am in. I cuddle with her - resting in her lap mostly. I leave before morning when you would expect her to make you breakfast and iron a shirt.”

“Well, really!”

“No, it is true. She loves me and idolizes me.”

“I wouldn’t go that far.”

“Why not? Can you name any other species on the face of the earth that has graced the walls or the dressers of as many women as myself? I got you on that one.”

Word Count: 494