Twisted Love

I'm a fool for believing in this thing called love
It doesn't mean anything
It's a fake out
It's the worlds joke on life
It's nothing to me.
Like suicide of the heart
It just kills everything you had inside
And when you're not happy
You think no one should be.
I tried to understand the feeling of this
I tried so hard
I tried to understand why every time I see you I get butterflies
But when we try to talk
Everything comes out the way it's not meant
Like a thrill of seeing you upset
Though really it hurts me
Pain?
I'm used to pain
And it suddenly becomes addicting
Like that's the way it should be
I don't deserve the love from another
Pain
Hurt
and Insecurity
and everything opposite of love.
Don't worry for hate is what lies deep within this soul of mine
Thoughts so unbearable
It brings me to tears
Wondering if this was even real
Lies
Hurt
and Defeat
Won't ever overcome the feeling inside
For loving you has got me twisted
Hatred is what I feel
Thoughts of hurting those around me
Those I don't like
Those who give me the slightest hesitation to perform evil
Am I evil?
No I'm not evil
I am guilty though
Guilty for loving you
Guilty for giving everything to you
And I'm guilty for trying so hard to make things work
Because even with all this thought of never loving
The only thing I do is Love
And the main thing is
Is that I love you.
You were once my sunshine
My rock
But now everything seems
So dark, cold, and lonely
One day I'll figure it all out
Maybe soon,
Maybe later
Just the whole hanging on a thread
Onto your every word
That seems to be lies
Is killing me inside
Stop saying you want me to do this
And you want me to do that
Stop saying you love me
But you don't really want to because we're not together
Just stop this act
And figure out what it is that you want
Because 9 months ago
I had done figured out what I wanted
I want to be with you
And share the many memories that we can come across
But by fate
Maybe my wants will turn to reality.
I love you so much
And it's hard letting go
For loving you has me twisted.



By: Crystal Terrell
Age: 18
Dedicated To: AJ Kell