Journal Entry from 2004

Life as I see it is something so sad.
I'm never happy unless doing somethig bad.
The addictions are strong, the pleasure is too.
I'm falling part, what should i do?
I'm a pile of shit, nothing more.
Whatever happened to my strong core?
Its been gone for a while, no, way too long
what am i saying, that is all wrong
i've never been strong, i've never been tough
i always give up, its always enough
i cry all the time and feel like shit
i pick up the lightbulb and take another hit
why would i do that, what can i say
i think about it almost everyday
just like the cutting, my path for escape
but i lie to everyone, hide behind my cape
but im saying it now, and its all so true
its too late now, theres nothing i can do
im worthless, im tired and sick
i can hear my timb bomb
"tick tick tick"
someday it will go off, i know its my fate
why was i given so much to hate
i need to grow up, i need to get out
but all i have in me is powerful doubt