Phoebe

When it happened it all happened so fast. It had actually been a nice day out. Mild winter. Everyone had assured me that winters in South Dakota weren’t always this mild. Nonetheless, I had only put a sweatshirt on over my t-shirt and jeans. There was no ice. It wasn’t cold enough. There wasn’t even snow. Later, in the hospital, they couldn’t tell me why the truck had suddenly been there. Many people tried to tell me that it was the truck driver’s fault, that he had fallen asleep, been drinking, lost control. It had to have been his fault. Every time someone tried to console me that way, it felt like a stab to the gut. The truth is the truck driver doesn’t know what happened and the police found no fault, either for him or my father. At first I was angry about that. Now I see it as a twist of fate, something preordained. My parents had to die for me to understand and make the choices now facing me. Simple as that.

I stood in front of a big house in northern Michigan. The social worker assured me that this lady was family, second cousin once removed, or something like that. Whatever that means. She was there on the porch with two enormous boys on either side of her, the only family I had left in the world. The social worker, an older lady with big glasses, prodded my back until I finally moved forward. I took a few stiff steps. One of the boys took my bags out of my hands and carried them into the house. I hesitantly followed the social worker up the porch steps. I stood in front of my new family and swallowed hard, feeling like a zoo animal. The woman stepped forward. She was a few inches taller than me with short brown hair and brown eyes.
         “Phoebe,” she said simply before embracing me. I choked back a few tears promising myself I could cry later. The boy who’d taken me bags had returned and when I was finally let go the introductions began.
         “I’m Lisa,” she said wiping tears from her own eyes. “And this is Josh,” she motioned to the boy on her right, “and Shane,” she indicated the one who’d taken my stuff. Josh was shorter with short dark hair gelled into spikes and dark eyes. Shane was obviously older with slightly longer and lighter hair and bright green eyes. Both boys nodded at me and headed inside. Lisa and I bid the social worker goodbye. I lingered, watching her drive away until Lisa called from the door. I sucked a breath through my tight throat and headed inside.

The evening passed in a blur. I answered questions, ate, and managed a few weak smiles. I headed up to bed early, claiming exhaustion, which wasn’t a complete lie. After giving me a quick tour, James left me at the door to a bedroom he’d informed me was mine. It was a small room, nothing much to look at yet, Lisa had mentioned downstairs that she had waited for me to decorate and the plan for tomorrow was to go shopping so we could spend the weekend working on it. My two big duffel bags were set by the chest of drawers and my backpack rested on the twin bed. I sighed as I got my pajamas out and changed. My computer rested on the desk in the corner. It had arrived before me and James had set it up. I played around on it for a while, but it was a sad reminder of my previous life and I had no e-mail anyway. I slid under the old quilt, curling up trying to block out reality and cried myself to sleep.

I sat on the bed staring out the window. It had been a busy day and I needed these few moments before supper to gather my strength. Lisa had let me sleep in a little, but by 10:30 I was up and she had me out the door. I wasn’t actually sure how many stores we went to but I don’t think we missed too many within a 40 mile radius. Lisa had even insisted on buying me clothes and books among what she deemed the necessities, paint, sheets, and curtains. We hadn’t been home long. Josh and Shane were home from school. I could hear Josh downstairs playing video games, putting off homework and celebrating the end of the week. A quiet knock sounded at my closed door.
         “Come in.” I slowly turned towards the door expecting Lisa.
         Instead Shane poked his head in. “Hey,” he said smiling a bit. He looked around quickly before asking, “You got a minute?”
         “Um…sure,” I hesitated, rising slowly and followed him into his room. It was separated from my room by a small bathroom, which was apparently all mine. The first thing I noticed about Shane’s room was that it was a mess. Posters of different bands covered the hunter green walls. A couple of shelves of CDs and computer programs and games lined one wall above a stereo. The floor was littered with DVD cases and the TV in the corner showed only a blue screen. The bed was pushed in the opposite corner, unmade. Papers, pencils, and clothes were strewn everywhere. Shane dug through one of the piles of papers on the desk next to his laptop. He disentangled a packet, which he handed to me.
         “I got this today from the guidance office. It is just junk from your classes, but you also get your class schedule.” He tapped the top piece of paper. And I looked down at it. “It doesn’t look too bad, a couple classes with me.” He shrugged.
         “Thanks. At least I’ll know you.” I forced out a smile. I mean I didn’t really know him.
         “Nervous?” He asked.
         I gave a slight nod and a shrug.
         “Sit.” He gestured to the bed as he sat in the chair across from me. I timidly sat on the edge of his bed. “You can talk to us, you know. We’re family and that means we stick together and you’re not a guest here. You don’t have to worry about being polite like you do around strangers.”
         “No offense, but you are strangers. I hadn’t met you before yesterday and yet I’m expected to just fit right in, be comfortable right away and pretend like we’ve always been family?” I interrupted him. I was a little angrier than I should be.
         “No. Just don’t feel like you can’t ever be comfortable or like you can’t talk to us. I understand more than you think I do.” His eyes were narrowed in defensive anger but his voice remained calm and comforting. “As for school, don’t worry too much about that. Josh and I won’t let you get lost or anything and it won’t take you long to meet people.”
         “Thank you, Shane,” I said quietly, my head down. I meant it but was too ashamed by my outburst to meet his eyes.
         He colored slightly. “No problem. Just remember that I’m your brother and so is Josh and we’ll kick the crap out of anyone who messes with you.” He grinned, teasing now.
         “Okay,” I laughed. Lisa chose that moment to call us to dinner. I felt relieved but still nervous about Monday. And as usual when dreading a coming event, time passed quickly. Lisa and I made one more shopping trip before getting down to work. My room was now a baby blue with clouds. Pictures by Monet and Van Gogh hung on the walls. The fluffy white comforter and the dark blue sheets on the bed were new. Shane spent most of Saturday building me a bookcase. It stood five feet tall. I finally unpacked. Lisa had mentioned my still full bags Saturday. The chest of drawers was easier to move without my clothes in it, but Lisa seemed hurt still so I made a point to empty my bags. Sunday afternoon was finally quiet. I sat, just looking around the room. A sharp sense of loss and loneliness began to invade me. I got up to try to dispel it. I didn’t know where to go so I paced the room. On one of my rounds I walked into a cord hanging from the ceiling. I stopped suddenly, startled. I could see a faint square outlined on the ceiling. On an impulse I reached up and pulled the string. Creak, BANG! I nearly jumped out of my skin. I listened, expecting Lisa to come charging in to check on me. When nothing happened, I cautiously climbed the ladder that had come crashing into my room on top of the patch of ceiling. My mouth dropped open as I looked around the room hidden above mine. It was a little larger than my bedroom actually, covering my bedroom and the bathroom next to it. There were three large windows that faced the three big trees on the side of the house. I looked out and noticed that Lisa’s car was gone. Well that explains why she didn’t come rushing in with the crash. I also saw claw marks in the wood next to one of the windows. I backed away, surprised. They were much larger and deeper than any animal I knew of, except maybe a bear. I began to notice them in other places as well. A sense of foreboding came over me but it remained weak. There was an air of calm in the attic that seemed impossible to dispel. The urge to turn and run faded quickly while I continued to look around. I found a few ratty old blankets in a pile on the floor. An idea struck me and I moved the pile so it was under a window in a shaft of sunlight. I curled up, finally feeling warm and calm.

Floating. No, not quite floating. Moving. Wind rushing. Up and down, back and forth. A steady creaking sound emerged following my back and forth motion. As I slowly became aware of my surroundings I also knew I’d been here before. It was a park and I was swinging. It had always been my favorite thing to do as a child. I didn’t recognize the park from my memories but I had an intense feeling of déjà vu. An expensive looking car was parked nearby. It looked like the park was hidden in the middle of a vast forest except there was a winding road passing by. A mountain loomed, allowing my feet to touch it every time I swung forward. In the distance I could hear a brook gurgling. I closed my eyes reveling in the profound sense of glee. It felt like the first warm spring day after a long winter. It made me giddy. I realized I hadn’t been this happy in years. Years? Had it been that long? What caused me such sadness? The questions fled my mind as soon as they entered. I shouldn’t keep myself locked inside all the time. The thought was so illogical that it prompted me to open my eyes and look down at my hands and arms. The sudden brightness hurt my eyes. I looked like I was covered in glitter except brighter. In surprise, I let go of the swing, falling backwards. Darkness surrounded me as I fell endlessly.

         “Phoebe?” The voice was surprised and I jumped awake. Shane stood over me. “Are you okay?” He looked almost angry now. I sat up quickly. The sun had gone down, setting an uneasy twilight over the house.
         “I…I’m sorry,” I blushed a little. “I found this room and the sun was nice…I didn’t realize it was off limits. I’m sorry,” I stammered out an explanation. Shane just shook his head looking away for a moment. I saw a tiny tremor move down his arms.
         “Its okay,” he finally said. “I was just startled to see you up here. Its not a commonly used room.”
         “Its so comforting up here,” I murmured gazing out the window again.
         “It is. Look, I didn’t mean to scare you that way; you just caught me off guard. But feel free to come up here whenever you want. Its technically part of your room and if it helps put you at ease, all the better, right?” He grinned.
         “I’m doing better,” I felt the need to inform him.
         “I’m not stupid, nor am I deaf. I’ve listened to you crying yourself to sleep every night.” This upset me. Did I have to keep it in all the time? “I know you have to let that out, I don’t want your feelings locked up like that,” he continued on. “But I also want to help you feel comfortable. I am your brother now, remember?”
         I could only manage a nod. He was trying so hard to make me feel better. I knew that if I could ever be happy again, it would just take me some time to get there.
         “Well, c’mon, supper is ready.” Shane helped me up off the floor and led the way back down to my bedroom. He lifted the ladder back up, and then led me down to dinner. I made a greater effort at pretending happiness. I even stayed in the living room to play a video game with Josh.
         “So, are you ready for tomorrow?” Josh asked on the second lap of our first race of the game.
         “I don’t know,” I shrugged, uneasy with the subject.
         “It must be hard for you. I can’t imagine changing schools.”
         “Yeah, I don’t think it gets easier.” I remembered my previous experience with pain.
         “That’s right. This is your second time this year?”
         “Yeah,” I nodded.
         “Ouch.” I couldn’t tell if he said it to my comment or the fact that I had just blown past him in the racing game we were playing. “So what are you most nervous about?”
         I laughed. “How about everything? Its just the whole being the ‘new kid’ thing.” And not having my parents for support I thought, but I didn’t add. I sighed as his car pulled ahead. He ended up winning. I politely refused a rematch, wanting to head to bed instead. But I lay awake for hours that night. I thought I heard a low growl once, but that didn’t make sense so I dismissed it as something brought on by the claw marks in the attic. I missed my parents. As I thought about them and the good memories, then came the not so good memories. And with them all my self-doubt flooded me, pulling me under. I had never truly felt like I belonged anywhere. I had a hard time fitting in and so moving was difficult for me. In the last year I had become seriously worried that perhaps something was wrong with me. I dismissed the thought again. Why worry about it now? I had bigger worries, one being how I was going to survive school. At approximately eight hundred students it was right between the sizes of my two previous schools. But that didn’t give me any idea of what to expect. My mind was in turmoil. I had never felt more alone and scared in my life. I eventually drifted off in a restless sleep.

When my alarm went off the next day, I felt no better than the night before. I didn’t spend extra time getting ready. In my usual jeans and sweatshirt, blond hair contrasting with the black sweatshirt, I headed out the door. I rode with Shane, since I didn’t have a car.
         “Nervous?” Jay asked as we headed down a twisting forested drive. I nodded weakly, not looking at him. “I hope you don’t mind but I usually give my friend, Aidriam a ride.” I shook my head. I didn’t mind but if I opened my mouth to say anything I was afraid I’d throw up. “He’s a nice guy,” Shane added quickly glancing nervously at me. We suddenly pulled off the main road into a secluded driveway that wound through some trees before springing open to a small clearing. The A-Frame log cabin that stood in the clearing, blended in almost perfectly in the surrounding woods. A dark figure came out of the house and hurried towards the car. Dark eyes flashed towards me for an instant, then the back door opened and Adriam climbed in. He was tall and skinny thin faced but it seemed he always had a smile ready. His hair was dark and curly. Everything about him seemed darker hued, his hair, his eyes, even his skin looked more tan than one would think possible this far north in the dead of winter.
         “Ah fresh blood!” He grinned, flashing teeth and the way his eyes snapped gave the grin a predatory edge. His voice was husky and dark with a hint of Scottish growl. Shane colored ever so slightly at Adriam’s comment.
         “Come on man, she’s already scared enough,” he grinned good-naturedly at me. “Adriam, this is Phoebe. Phoebe, Adriam.” Adriam gave me a nod and toned his grin down to a pleasant smile. I tried to smile back but the boys just laughed at me.
         “Well, we’re here,” Jay pulled into a parking spot next to a large three-story building. My heart leaped into my throat and got stuck.
         “Already?” I gasped. Adriam was already waiting outside Shane’s black jeep. I was glad he hadn’t heard my panicked squawk. Shane turned to look at me.
         “Its okay,” he smiled kindly at me. “I’ll take you to the main office, and we have first and second period together. I’ll be right there.” He opened his door, tilting his head to the side and waiting for me to get out too. I calmed myself down enough to look somewhat normal and got out. The second I was out of the jeep, Adriam hooked my arm in his.
         “Isn’t it wonderful?” He asked inhaling deeply through his nose. “The smell of school in the morning.” His face showed his sarcasm as he rolled his eyes at Shane who just grinned back. Once inside, Adriam headed off in the other direction from us.
         “I’m going to go keep an eye on the freshmen,” he said with the same wolfish grin I’d seen earlier. “Later Shane, Later…Phoebe.” The pause was almost imperceptible. Almost. And with a wave he was gone. Shane sighed and led me off to the main office. A mind-numbing embarrassment awaited me. I first had to sign in, and then I was forced to stand and smile at a camera, which snapped a quick and painful photo and spit a student identification card at me. I was also given another copy of my schedule, a slip of paper with my locker combination on it, and a note for my teachers explaining who I was. Shane led me around the office, down a hall to the left, turned right at the end then left again partway down the next hall. The place was a maze and I was the mouse, only they had forgotten to put any cheese at the end to guide me. Shane finally stopped in front of a big blue locker. He looked at me for a minute. I gazed back blankly. “Its yours.” He pointed to the locker.
         “Oh. Yeah,” I fumbled through my stuff until I found the slip of paper with my locker combination on it. I struggled for a while with the lock. After five tries it finally opened. “I’m sorry,” I glanced at Shane, who waited patiently. I thought my cheeks would be permanently stained red.
         “It’s okay,” he said smiling. He seemed very much at ease, very patient. “You’ll get the hang of the lock by the end of the week. It just takes practice.” I sincerely doubted it, but didn’t say anything. I had never been good with combo locks. Most time someone else would have to come unlock it for me. I had been struggling with one for the last four months and I still didn’t get it. After stowing my coat and bag in my locker, Shane and I headed off to class. History was first today. The school ran on a block schedule. Four periods a day, classes alternating between days. Today was an A day. I had History, Statistics, French and Choir today. Tomorrow would be Art, Chemistry, English, and study hall. It wasn’t a bad schedule. History was boring as always. I’d studied U.S. History before so it looked to be mostly review. Statistics was another matter completely. Shane stayed by side, a source of support and he seemed quite well respected by everyone and so the stares stayed at a minimum.
         “How are you holding up?” He asked as we walked to lunch after Stats. I groaned but smiled at him to let him know that I was doing better than this morning even though Stats threatened my sanity. I was not a fan of math. I was excited for French though. At one of my previous schools I had taken two years of French and found myself to be rather good at it. When we’d moved to South Dakota I was forced to drop it since it wasn’t offered. Technically it wasn’t offered here either, but the school had somehow convinced the one teacher in school who knew French, to give up one of his free periods and teach an independent study for me. I bought a juice and a bagel for lunch, sitting where Shane showed me. He was still in line piling his lunch tray with enough food for a team of horses.
         “They never give us enough food,” Adriam complained coming to the table with James. Both trays were mounded with food. I noticed all the portions given to them were larger than anyone else had. I blushed as the two of them looked at my meager meal. Adriam laughed.
         “I stand corrected,” he said. I refused to look at him and instead concentrated on my food.
         “Hey!” There were several shouted hellos as Josh and a couple other younger guys joined the table. Introductions were hurried as everyone dug into their piles of food. As soon as Shane was done he stood, motioning me to follow he dumped his tray and walked me to my French class.
         “I don’t know if I’ll be able to catch up with you before your choir class but Adriam is in that one too so, if I’m not here he will be.” He smiled at me. “I think Adriam likes you,” he laughed while I blushed and took a fake swing at him.
         “Yeah, he might,” I grinned wickedly. “If he wasn’t so in love with you.” At that Shane laughed loudly. His laugh was contagious and I entered the almost empty classroom still laughing. I almost stopped dead when I saw the teacher. He was probably in his mid-twenties and he was gorgeous, with brown hair and green eyes. He did NOT look like a teacher, especially not a stuffy old English teacher. It was going to be difficult to pay attention in this class.
         “Bonjour,” his voice was deeper than expected. The class passed quickly. Adriam waited outside the door when the bell rang. I floated out the door.
         “So how was class?” he asked with a wave to my French teacher, Mr. Hall. He turned and looked at me intently.
         I instantly blushed. “It was okay,” I shrugged. “So you’re in choir?”
         He laughed good-naturedly. “Crush on a teacher, huh?” He mentioned idly, but took the bait and changed the subject. “Yes, I’m in choir. I know I don’t look the type, but I don’t sing. I play piano and I’m Mr. Marks’ teaching assistant,” he explained with a shrug.
         “You don’t look like the type to play piano either.” I stated bluntly. He was tall and lean. Well muscled but almost gangly, as if he had been ungainly at one point but had gained a quiet grace.
         “My mom made me take lessons for years and I don’t mind it but I don’t care enough to really do anything with it except accompany the choir.”
         “Oh,” I laughed. We’d arrived at a little door set at an angle. Adriam held it open as I entered. The room was odd-shaped, more trapezoidal with a couple rooms off to the side and a short hall with cubbies holding folders of music. There were already several students milling around. Adriam nodded at them and went behind a large desk with a computer. He pulled a folder off of one of the shelves and handed it to me.
         “What section?” he asked without looking at me.
         “I…I’m not sure.” He looked at me like I was crazy. “I was soprano at one of my schools, switching between soprano and soprano 2 and then at the last school I was alto,” I added hurriedly so he wouldn’t think I was stupid. He smiled at me and gave me a pile of music.
         “Well, how about you go soprano today and stay after so we can test you properly.” He pointed me to a chair on the left side of the room. The songs were fairly typical, a couple of traditional old songs, one in Latin, and a couple of newer songs. They looked easy. Mr. Marks entered. He was tall, slender, with graying orange hair and a crooked smile. Adriam sat at the piano and the choir started singing. I spent most of the class singing very softly. When the bell rang I started to gather my things.
         “Pheebs,” Adriam called me over to the piano with Mr. Marks. “Just sing out and match the notes, as many of them as you can.” He started me in the middle, going down the piano first. When it got too low, he led me back up the as high as I could sing without screeching. Once that was done Mr. Marks beamed at me.
         “Well done,” he encouraged. “I think we’ll keep you at soprano for now but we may need your strong voice with the Altos sometimes.”
         “Okay.” I said. With that Mr. Marks went to his desk and Adriam rose.
         “Come on. Shane will probably kill me if I don’t produce you soon. He’s a bit protective. You can put your music here,” he pointed to an empty cubby and headed for the door while I grabbed my books and slid the folder of music into the slot in my cubby. Adriam again held the door for me. Shane was waiting outside the room. He looked fidgety. Adriam stopped short and he and Shane stared at each other for several minutes. I felt awkward, not understanding the reason for their oddness. Adriam grinned suddenly and Shane nodded as if some matter had been settled. They both started walking, laughing and talking as if the strangeness I’d felt between them was just a figment of my imagination. I followed, exasperated and puzzled. It took me another five attempts to get my locker open again. Adriam laughed, finding my obvious combination handicap exciting. I glared back. The three of us seemed to be some of the last people at school. Something must have happened while I was climbing into Shane’s jeep because a solid block of tense air sprung up between the two guys again. By this time I’d stopped caring, but it made for an uncomfortable ride home, even after Adriam had gotten out. I decided to stay out of it as much as possible. So I went right upstairs when we got home, and started on my homework. I gathered several of my books and pulled the string to bring down the ladder. I wanted a comforting place to do homework. It was about an hour later when Shane came to find me. I heard a knock on my bedroom door and I hurried to gather my books and get down the ladder. I slipped the last couple steps and landed with a soft thud on my bedroom floor.
         “Phoebe?” Shane’s startled voice came through the door.
         “Yeah, come in,” I said. Shane opened the door and started to laugh as I picked myself up off the floor.
         “Well I can see you aren’t going to stay down from there,” he grinned as he lifted the ladder back into place. “Just be more careful.”
         I stuck my tongue out at him but smiled too.
         “I just came to see if you wanted to go to the music store with me. Josh had to work and we are supposed to pick him up.” He said.
         “Sure,” I shrugged. Lisa was at work and wouldn’t be back until later and since I’d finished my homework, I had nothing else to do. I grabbed my purse and my sweatshirt and headed downstairs. Shane was waiting for me by the door. I pulled on my shoes and followed him out to the jeep wondering if he was still upset by whatever happened with Adriam.
         “Stop looking at me like that. Its like you’re afraid of me or something.” He was obviously getting aggravated. I’d never been very good at hiding my feelings so I decided to be blunt.
         “I’m just trying to figure out if you’re in a better mood or if you’re going to get mad at me like you did Adriam. Sorry,” I added hastily as I blushed and turned away. He was quiet for a long moment and I began to worry I’d made him angry again. I snuck a quick glance at him. His face was serious but his mouth held the hint of a smile. He was careful to show no anger.
         “Adriam is often too hasty and sometimes his…temper gets the best of him. That’s all that happened today.” He closed off any further discussion of today’s incident. “But Adriam is my best friend. It is nearly impossible to truly separate us.” It felt like he was trying to say something important without saying it. The ride didn’t necessarily become uncomfortable, but I felt as if there was a new kind of tension. It was a weight, of secrets, of something half hinted at, almost said. I was glad when we reached the music store.
         “Hey!” Josh greeted us from behind the counter as we entered. Shane nodded to him and headed off to a listening station. Josh looked at me, puzzled.
         “Hi,” I tried to look cheerful but it came out a wince. “Any suggestions?”
         “For music or Shane?” Josh grinned.
         “Both.” I couldn’t help rolling my eyes.
         “Sure, c’mon.” He stepped from behind the counter and led me amongst the racks of CDs. “So what happened?”
         “I don’t really know,” I said. “Things got really tense between him and Adriam this afternoon, then he tried to explain a little and…” I paused, unsure how to explain Shane’s strange reactions. Josh seemed to understand.
         “Shane and Adriam have been friends since they were born, but things changed for a bit last year. Shane changed suddenly after his girlfriend died and for a while he didn’t talk to any of us. It was like he had suddenly grown up, matured so much that we still call him old man sometimes,” Josh smiled at a private joke. “Adriam is better that he was, but he still sees life differently. They are both very competitive, and sometimes that causes some problems.” He had a stack of CDs in his hand, which he handed to me.
         “All these?” I couldn’t believe he expected me to buy all these.
         “Not to buy,” He laughed. “Listen to them, pick out the ones you like the best. I think you’re going to me here awhile.”
         “Why?”
         “Well because Shane takes his time picking out music and he’s going to be interrupted.” Josh pointed as Adriam approached Shane. Shane looked up and nodded as Adriam said something. I waited until they had left the store before I settled myself at a listening station. I skipped past most of the pop CDs and chose a couple rock ones to listen too first. Josh was right. I was through almost all of the CDs by the time Shane tapped my shoulder and asked if I was ready to go. I nodded and jumped down from the stool and tried to gather all the CDs Josh had given me to try.
         “I don’t know where all these go.”
         “Just leave them on the counter.” Shane laughed. “ They have time to put them back.” I smiled as I looked around at the almost empty store. I set all the CDs on the counter in front of Josh.
         “I don’t want these,” I said pushing a large stack towards him. “But I will take these.” I had narrowed my stack down to about four.
         “Okay.” Josh rung them up and gave me a total that was a lot lower than I’d expected. Adriam ran up as I paid and slapped a bunch of bumper stickers on the counter.
         “These are so awesome! Why didn’t you tell me you had these? Hilarious!”
         I looked at the stickers. In large friendly letters they announced, “I like Wolves” and there was a picture of a cute looking wolf-pup with large eyes. I shuddered.
         “Don’t like wolves?” Adriam glanced at me. I quickly looked away, embarrassed that he’d seen my reaction. I shrugged in response to his question. He caught up to me easily as I headed out of the store. “You know, Eagle River is the only town in this state where it is illegal to kill a wolf.” Adriam said. I could tell he was trying to be conversational but I didn’t understand exactly why. It seemed like he was fishing.
         “Oh.” I knew I was expected to reply.
         “Wait.” He stopped and turned me to face him. He looked upset. “I’m sorry about earlier today. You shouldn’t have been dragged in the middle of Shane and I. He just said something that really bothered me.”
         “Okay.” I tried not to sound stupid but I was confused.
         “Still upset with me?” he asked.
         “I don’t know you well enough to be upset with you. I just don’t understand why you are apologizing and explaining it to me. It was between you and Shane.”
         “But you were dragged into it and that was unfair. We should not have done that in front of you.”
         “Well then…apology accepted.” At that he grinned, ushering me to the door of the jeep.
         “Catch you later!” He waved to Shane and Josh, who were already waiting in the jeep for me, and raced off into the night.
         “Did he drive here?” I asked as I climbed into the jeep, my eyes on where Adriam had disappeared. He had seemed blurred and it looked like he’d headed into the woods.
         “No. There is a trail from his house to here. We made it when we were kids.”
         “Oh.” Well that explained some of his sudden and peculiar disappearance, but not quite all of it. “Lets get home I’m starved.” I changed the subject.
         “Yeah, I’m sure Mom has a feast for us.” Shane laughed, seemingly relieved. The mood in the house that night was lively. Everyone was cheerful and energetic. It had been almost a year since I’d felt so comfortable. I even played some video games with Josh. But that night, alone in the dark again, I cried. I tried to be optimistic and say I would adjust okay and that eventually I would feel better, but some hurts just don’t go away.

         The next day at school was painful. First off, everyone stared at me all the time. I didn’t have any classes with Shane or Adriam so all the staring that had been held back yesterday came rushing at me. It was as if everyone knew they had to do all their staring today. Art was embarrassing as I was forced to show all my little sketches to the whole class, which encouraged the staring. I was also the only senior in a freshman level art class. Chemistry wasn’t much better. The teacher called on me twice and I managed to get both questions wrong. I was so humiliated I wanted to sink through the floor. But no matter how low I slipped in my chair, everyone still stared at me.
         “Hey,” The whisper came from my right. “Psst!” I looked over to see a thin girl with long dark hair looking at me. Not staring at me, just looking. She was pretty with green eyes and a soft, friendly face.
         “What?” I whispered back
         “You live with the Lukus boys don’t you?”
         “Yeah, and their mom.” I made sure to point out that I wasn’t the only female in the house.
         “So you could introduce me to them right?”
         “Ah.” Everything clicked into a recognizable place. I was stared at because I was seen with Josh, Shane, and Adriam. Now that I thought about it, I hadn’t met any other girls in their group of friends. In Fact, I hadn’t even seen any other girls near them. I wasn’t sure how to respond. Thankfully the bell rang. It was lunchtime. I noticed the girl waiting for me while I gathered my books. Obviously she wasn’t going to just let the conversation end.
         “I’m Hailey,” she said.
         “Phoebe.” I was taken aback.
         “I’m sorry if that question was too forward. Its just…” she seemed to struggle for words for a moment. “You’re new here so you wouldn’t understand how strange your situation is.”
         “Huh?” I stopped in the middle of the hall. She stopped and looked at me.
         “I’ll try to explain, come on.” She dragged me along beside her. “That group of boys is strange. They don’t really talk to anyone outside of their group and since Jessa died last year, they have never been friendly to a girl. Its like they’re afraid of us or maybe they think they’re too good for the rest of us.”
         “Who is Jessa?” I asked
         “She was Shane’s girlfriend. They had been together forever, real serious. Then last year she died very suddenly.”
         “How?” I was horrified.
         “Some sort of animal attack I think. Shane has never been the same. In fact, they all started acting strange after that.”
         “They seem respected…”
         “Oh they are. They’re good people and everyone knows that. And all adults love them; say that they really understand this place. But to most of us, they’re just a mystery.”
         “So why did you want me to introduce you?”
         “For one, to see if they would actually talk to me. For two, to get talking with you.” She smiled. She was friendly and I had to hand it to her, if anyone else had tried to start a conversation with me, especially if it had started with the phrase “so you’re new here…” I would have ignored them. She had gotten my attention; given me some valuable information, and she had made the conversation fun. I smiled back.
         “Well we’d better get to lunch so I can introduce you then.” She laughed.
         Both Shane and Adriam stared when Hailey and I entered the cafeteria. I could see Josh laughing next to them.
         “Shane, this is-“ I started to introduce Hailey but Shane interrupted.
         “Hailey. I know, we have been in the same class since kindergarten.” Shane smiled cordially at her. I blushed and Adriam coughed to cover a snort of laugher. Shane turned his back to Hailey and I to give Josh a warning look and to make room for us to sit. Hailey did a fake swoon, which launched Adriam into a full coughing fit o keep from laughing. Shane glared at him.
         “Something wrong?” Shane demanded.
         “Nope, all better.” Adriam managed to keep a straight face. Hailey and I sat down at the table. Shane stalked off, Adriam followed giving an apologetic shrug. Josh sat across from us.
         “I don’t know which is funnier, the fact that my brother takes himself way too serious, or the fact that you don’t,” he said with a nod to Hailey.
         “Why thank you dear Joshua!” Hailey gave a dramatic bow and almost hit her head on the table. “As you can see I am just klutzy enough to have no excuse to take myself seriously, so why take anyone else seriously?”  She laughed. It was an interesting lunch period. Hailey had everyone laughing except Shane, who returned stony-faced. He remained completely closed off from everyone. Hailey had English with me next. She offered to wait for me to get my books from my locker but I said it was okay and she should go one ahead. I did ask Adriam to walk with me. Hailey gave me a look, eyebrows raised. Clearly she was going to ask me about this. Once we were alone Adriam looked at me, strangeness in his eyes that I couldn’t quite place.
         “Don’t worry about Shane.” He said.
         “Who said I was?” I got defensive. “Maybe I just wanted to walk with you, maybe I like your company.”
         He laughed. I blushed.
         “Well I know you love my company,” he said with a smirk. “But I also saw you staring at Shane all through lunch.” His face grew serious as he said the last part and I thought I detected jealousy. I looked sharply at him. He was looking down. I tried very hard not to smile now that I understood what was going on.
         “Well okay, so I am worried. I mean he is my brother now, and I really think he should allow himself to have fun.” I watched his reaction, especially when I emphasized that I thought of Shane as my brother.
         “Maybe we should find a way to help him have fun.” He grinned hugely at me. “And maybe you should share a locker with someone. It’d be quicker and easier.” After watching me struggle for several minutes, he finally just opened it for me. I didn’t keep much in my locker. I grabbed my English book and turned toward my classroom. My locker was in an out of the way part of the building. But I kept quiet, too embarrassed to admit my locker problems and I wasn’t sure what else to say.
         “I’ll think about what we could do to get Shane out and having fun. I’ll see you after class.” Adriam said as he walked me to the door of the classroom. I nodded as he walked away. Hailey was almost jumping out of her seat to greet me. She had saved me a seat next to her.
         “So…” She waited.
         “I don’t know.” I knew what she wanted to know but I didn’t know how to answer just yet. She gave me a strange look.
         “What is you next class?” She whispered as soon as the teacher’s back was turned.
         “Study Hall.” I sneakily passed her my schedule. She made a few notes on it and passed it back to me. When I opened it back up I saw that she had marked which classes I had with who. I had history with her and Shane, Stats with Shane, Choir with Adriam, Chem. and English with her and apparently all four of us had the same study hall. My eyes widened. The four of us in a study hall hardly seemed safe. Lunch had been difficult, what would Shane be like in study hall? I looked at Hailey apprehensively. She shrugged and gave me an uneasy look. Something in her expression spoke of pain too and that aroused my suspicions. I was surprised when the bell rang. The class had passed swiftly and I hadn’t paid any attention. Hailey waited for me.
         “We obviously can’t talk about what you ‘don’t know’ with the boys there and I’m willing to bet they will sit wherever you do.” Hailey shot me a glance to make sure I was listening. I decided not to point out the fact that we obviously would never be able to talk about what I didn’t know since I didn’t know it. Instead, I nodded to show her I was with her. I sensed that there was a reason she wanted to talk about the boys so bad.
         “I don’t have to work today so you could come over after school and we could talk then, if you want.” She hesitated on the last part. She seemed almost shy about inviting me over.
         “Sure.” I said and smiled at her.
         Our study hall was in a small classroom in the back of the library. It was obvious that this room was only used for study hall and not even many of those. It was dark, smelled faintly of old books, and was almost steamy warm. I loved it. Hailey and I took a table in the back near the door. We began to talk a bit about English and shuffle through our books.
         “Curses,” I said, annoyed.
         “What?”
         “I forgot my Chem. book and my Stats homework in my locker. That’s the only homework I have.” I dreaded the thought of trekking all the way to my locker, trying to get it open, all just to get the dreaded Stats homework. I knew the Chem. assignment was easy. I had barely completed my statement when a Chem. book and a Stats book thudded onto the table beside me. Two corresponding notebooks quickly followed. I jumped, startled, and looked up to see Shane and Adriam.
         “I figured you’d need them.” Shane shrugged.
         “Yeah, and since you are obviously incapable of opening you locker, we grabbed them for you.” Adriam slid into the seat beside me grinning. Shane rolled his eyes and took the only remaining seat. The period was quiet, all of us choosing to do our homework silently. The tension seemed to grow, until finally the bell rang. I didn’t realize I had been holding my breath until it came out in a loud sigh. Adriam gave me an understanding smile.
         “Do you need anything from your locker?” Shane asked.
         “Just to get my bag and drop off my books.” I had finished my homework.
         “We should probably hurry. I have some things to do and we’re supposed to meet mom for supper and grocery shopping.” He was moving quickly out the door.
         “Wait,” I always had a hard time keeping up with his huge stride. “Why don’t you just pick me up at Hailey’s before we meet your mom? I was planning on going over there for a bit.” And I didn’t feel like tagging along on his errands like a sad puppy dog.
         “Okay,” he sighed. Hailey gave him quick directions and we watched Adriam and Shane hurry off. Hailey practically squealed once they were gone.
         “Boy, that was tense.” I gave her a puzzled look to which she rolled her eyes.
         “Lets go to your locker, don’t worry, I’ll open it for you.” She said.
         We drove to her house, which was huge and gorgeous. It looked as if she and her family were trying to hide the fact that they had money and didn’t quite accomplish it.
         “So, you and Adriam?” She asked as we sat in her kitchen munching on chips.
         “I don’t know,” I answered quickly, wishing she would just drop it.
         “Well, then do you like Shane?”
         “NO! I mean, not like that.” I blushed at the thought. “He’s like my brother. Why does everyone think I’d have a crush on him?”
         “Who else asked?” Hailey obviously thought she was the only one.
         “Adriam said something about it earlier.”
         “Really? I wonder why.” It was not a question.
         “I guess if I was interested in anyone it would be Adriam.” I finally conceded. I kept my confession reserved. I wasn’t about to profess love to anyone.
         “I’ve had a crush on Shane since the beginning of the year.” Hailey’s voice was quiet. “I wanted so badly to befriend him last year after Jessa’s accident. He seemed so lost and lonely. What is it about wounded boys that cause every girl to want to rescue them?” She looked up finally. “Somewhere along the line I developed a crush.” I was quiet for a while. What do you say to someone who bares their soul in such a way?
         “Adriam and I decided we were going to force Shane to relax and have fun, but neither of us are sure how to do that yet. Want to help?” I finally asked.
         “Sure!” Hailey said. We spent the rest of the time listening to music and talking about anything but the boys. I was surprised to see Josh in the backseat when Shane picked me up. It apparently was a tradition to do the grocery shopping together on Tuesday nights. Each of us was expected to cook dinner one night each week and Lisa would cook the rest unless it was a special circumstance. Everyone put things into the cart according to what meal they planned on making and what snacks they wanted. I let my mind go as we wandered through the store. I used to shop with my mom every week. I cried for a long time that night.

         The weeks began to blur together as I fell into a steady routine. I liked not having to think too much and no one seemed to notice that I was unhappy, except Shane. He seemed to know too much about it and made an extra effort to have fun in the outings Adriam and Hailey and I planned. I think he did it to try to make me happy but the feeling never truly left me. I felt like a tree in winter, left alive but stripped of my protection. Somewhere along the line, Shane started to visit Hailey on his own and the tension began to disappear in study hall. School was getting better. I was still stared at often but not by everyone anymore. My classes were okay but I tended to not pay much attention. I was doing exceptionally well in French. But that was because it was difficult to not pay attention to Mr. Hall. But time moved as always. It began to get warmer and the snow started to melt.
         “I was thinking that maybe Shane should take Hailey on a date, you know, a slightly more official outing than our random meetings we’ve been doing.” Adriam chattered next to me while I got books from the locker I now shared with Hailey since hers was more central and it was closer to Shane’s and Adriam’s. We had been arranging little random meetings between the four of us and Shane would visit Hailey at her work.
         “So then I thought, why not make it a double date? And Shane didn’t bite my head off for the suggestion.” Adriam continued as we headed to study hall. “Now all that’s left is…Will you go on a date with me tonight?” I stopped at that. Adriam looked at the floor.
         “What?” I asked unsure that I’d heard correctly.
         “Um…Will you go on a date with me? It’s a double date with Shane and Hailey. Just dinner and a movie.”
         “Sure.” I felt like I was dreaming. I think I was in shock. Shane and Hailey were already at our table when we got there. Shane looked uncomfortable and Hailey look as dazed as I felt. I grabbed her hand and dragged her to a secluded corner of the library.
         “Hailey, what’s wrong?” I asked
         “I could ask you the same thing, you’re really pale.” She seemed to come around a bit.
         “Adriam asked me on a date tonight.”
         “Shane asked me too.” Her eyes widened like she had just realized what she had said. We looked at each other and giggled.
         “I’m not sure I’d count it as a date since we all hang out together anyway.” I said
         “Yeah but we rarely all hang out at once and its not usually planned.”
         “True.” Usually one or more of us was working or doing homework. We giggled again. “I’ve never been on a date before.” I confessed.
         “Here’s what we’ll do,” and she planned out our afternoon.
         The rest of the day dragged as we waited impatiently to get to work getting ready for tonight. Shane and Adriam picked us up at Hailey’s house. Dinner was a little awkward. The boys always ate so much, way more than us girls. And none of us really knew how to act now that we weren’t hanging out as just friends, but were on a “date”. The movie was good. Things were less awkward in the dark theater. I was glad when it was over though. I wanted to go home. For some reason I couldn’t explain, I was extremely tense with Adriam and the classification of “date”. So I was surprised when we didn’t head home right after the movie. Instead, Shane drove us to a small park with a duck pond and a playground. I was mildly horrified to watch Shane and Hailey head off alone, leaving me with Adriam.
         “Do you dislike me?” he asked as we walked.
         “No,” I said.
         “Do I smell bad?” He was going somewhere with this.
         “No.”
         “Talk to me!” he gave a frustrated growl, sounding more animal than man. “Did I say something wrong? Did I scare you? What did I do that has caused you to suddenly become mute?” He was almost pleading at the last. He was shaking he was so upset.
         “No, nothing. I…its hard to explain.” I searched for the words and tried again. “I’m nervous. I’ve had a bit of a rough year and I’m just having a hard time adjusting to all these sudden changes.” In fact, I’d been much quieter as a rule since I’d moved here. It was just difficult to think of things to say. I watching him visibly calm himself down.
         “I’m sorry.” We stopped walking. “Lets sit over there.” He motioned to the swings.
         “I love to swing.” I hurried over.
         “Tell me about you.”
         “What do you want to know?” I asked.
         “What’s your greatest fear?” He asked after some thought.
         “Aside form spiders? Suffocating. The idea of dying my suffocation terrifies me. I’d gladly die any other way.”
         “You’re not afraid of death itself?”
         “No,” I shook my head. “As long as I don’t suffocate, death isn’t very scary.”
         He laughed. “Okay fair enough.” He paused. “Why do you cry every night?”
         My head snapped up to look at him. “How do you know I cry?”
         “Shane hears you.” He tenderly touched my cheek.
         “I miss my parents.” I turned away. “I feel so lost without them.” I was too embarrassed to say more. He turned my face back toward him.
         “Let me be the light that guides you out of this darkness?” He was asking to be my boyfriend I realized. I nodded and he leaned closer, flashing a quick smile before pressing his lips gently to mine. I felt like I was standing next to a fire. Heat radiated from Adriam’s body. I pulled away, surprised. I stared, eyes wide, trying to catch my breath.
         “I’m sorry,” he said looking down. He obviously misinterpreted my actions.
         “Do you have a fever?” I blurted.
         He winced, “I’m always warmer than others. My temp just runs a little high, nothing to worry about.” It came out in a mumbled rush.
         “Are you okay?” I was definitely getting nervous.
         “Yes.” He snapped, shaking.
         I was almost scared of him; his expression was furious and bestial. I didn’t understand what was going on but I knew I had to calm him down before he lost control. I reached up grabbing his face in my hands, forcing him to look me in the eyes. He became ominously still.
         “Stay with me,” I whispered, my pain made apparent. It was the most of my soul I had shown anyone since before the accident and it admitted my feelings for him. His brow furrowed in confused surprise before his expression cleared, all traces of anger vanished. “Adriam.” I closed my eyes and my legs gave out suddenly weak. He caught me in his arms, holding me tightly.
         “I’m so sorry, Pheebs.” His voice was full of remorse and pain. I wiggled a little to let him know I was still conscious and I forced my eyes open. I felt like I had just pushed a huge boulder over a mile of rough ground.
         “Let me down.” I kept my voice soft so he wouldn’t think I was upset.
         “Can you stand?”
         “No, but I don’t want to anyway. Let me lay down.” It was a warm night but I shivered a little.
         “How about we both sit down and you can lean against me?” He suggested.
         “Okay,” I agreed wanting to just get off my feet. He dragged me down with him wrapping his arms around me. I leaned my head on his shoulder and looked up. It was a beautiful clear night. I tried to locate Orion, my favorite constellation.
         “Beautiful, isn’t it?” he asked, noticing my gaze.
         “Mmm,” I acknowledged. I spotted Orion and smiled, comforted. “I’ve always love star gazing.”
         “There is Cassiopeia.” He pointed to a group of stars shaped like a rough ‘W’. “It’s supposed to be Cassiopeia sitting in a chair. Because of the was the world moves she spends half the year upside down.”
         I giggled trying to picture a woman in a dress stuck in an upside down chair. “What is you favorite constellation?” I whispered still strangely drained after forcing him to calm down.
         “Lupus,” he said easily.
         “Why?”
         “He is the wolf-man.” It was stated simply, like I should have already known. “His legend is one of cruelty but I don’t pay attention to that. Around here we have our own ideas about him.”
         “Oh?” I urged after a pause.
         “The wolf-man contains both beast and man, he is both civilized and savage. He must learn to trust certain things to be governed by each part. Sometimes the beast comes out in unexpected ways. Lupus is man-shaped, to guide the wolves, to remind them of their humanity and to remind all men of the savage inside.”
         “Where did you learn that?” I asked, awed.
         “My dad used to remind me of it every night. He always told me to forget neither savagery nor humanity, for each had its place.” He sighed and looked up at him. His face was wise, older looking. His eyes held sorrow. He noticed me studying him and grinned down at me. He leaned close for another kiss, our lips almost touching, and then he froze, jumping up suddenly and moving away from me quickly. I heard a savage growl and saw Shane sprint by me into the woods where Adriam had disappeared moments before.
         “Phoebe?” Hailey sounded weak and scared. She came and stood next to me as we stared at the spots where our dates had jumped into the darkness. “What happened?” She asked after several moments.
         “I don’t know,” I said.  “One minute we’re star-gazing, the next he is rushing off.”
         “I thought it was something I said.” She looked like she might cry.
         “There is no way that we both could’ve said something wrong at the exact same time that would cause them to run away.” I stated trying to comfort her. Besides, I hadn’t said anything at all, but I kept that thought to myself.
         “And I thought things were going well,” She shrugged at me and forced a weak smile.
         I shrugged back. “Boys.” It seemed to say it all.
         We debated for a few minutes about what to do. Shane had driven us here, should we take the car home? Should we leave it here and try to walk home? Should we wait for them? Would they even come back here? That is when Lisa called. She said she just wanted to see how things were going but her timing was impeccable and her surprise didn’t seem quite so genuine after I told her what happened. But She came and got us. Lisa insisted that Hailey spend the night. She assured us it would just be the three of us. We watched a movie and ate popcorn. Lisa seemed determined to take our minds off the boys. I could tell by Hailey’s face that she wasn’t quite buying the whole thing either.
         “Do you think they’ll be back tonight?” Hailey asked, as we got ready for bed. She was on an air mattress next to my bed.
         “No,” I shook my head. “I think Lisa was honest about that. I think she just wants to keep our minds off of it so we don’t feel bad.”
         “Or so we don’t figure out the why.”
         “What do you mean?” I asked startled by her comment.
         “I was afraid at first and then I tried to think if it was something I had said or done. But then I saw Adriam run off. You’re right, and I can think of only one reason they would both act like that.” Fear still showed in her eyes.
         “What?” I demanded. “What could make them do that?”
         She shook her head. “IF I am right, then it is something Adriam will have to talk to you about. It answers a lot of questions for me, but you,” She sighed. “For you it will be harder.”
         “You’re speaking in riddles.” I was annoyed and a little hurt that she wouldn’t tell me.
         “I know, but I have to. Please just trust me on this,” she pleaded.
         I finally gave in after several long minutes. “Okay.” I muttered.
         “Please don’t be angry?” She gave me big wide puppy-dog eyes, blinking rapidly and sticking out her lips until I giggled. It was always hard to stay upset with Hailey around, even if she was the one who made you upset.
         “So,” she was obviously changing the subject. “Did he kiss you?”
         I instantly turned red. She giggled, delighted. “Shane too,” She added.
         “Really? He kissed you?” I didn’t mean to sound so surprised but Shane didn’t seem the type and he’d had problems with Hailey hanging around at first.
         “Yeah, I know, Surprising isn’t it?”
         “Yeah,” I nodded.
         “I never thought he would break out of his shell again, but I’m glad he did.” She blushed. I was glad for her. We talked a little longer before drifting off to sleep. I was so exhausted that night that I didn’t cry.

         When I woke up, Hailey was downstairs talking to Lisa. They both looked relieved compared to last night. There was no sign of Shane or Josh. Lisa took Hailey home, and then insisted we spend the day out. She took me to the nearest mall, which was about forty-five minutes away. I have to say that the day wasn’t a total bust; I got a few things and even picked up a work application at a bookstore. But I wasn’t all that interested in the trip, which made Lisa fuss over me. I claimed tiredness and went to bed early but I couldn’t sleep. Shane and Josh arrived late that night and I could hear them whispering furtively with Lisa as I lay awake. I was thinking about what Hailey had said and what it could mean. Then there was Lisa’s behavior, which made me miss my mom. I quickly turned away from that line of thought. Instead I thought about Adriam. I was confused by his actions but I somehow knew that it had nothing to do with me. Something about his face or maybe it was the atmosphere before he left, let me know that it wasn’t my fault and it wasn’t because he didn’t care for me. Something more was going on. Hailey had hinted at something supernatural. Wouldn’t that just be my luck? I already was weird why not be weirder? I sighed, exasperated. I tried to decide if it would matter if he were supernatural. I had been trying the normal life for a while. After moving the first time I wanted to just fade into the background. Was I ready to stand out yet? I fell asleep with one question on my mind: Do I love him?

Sunday was strange. It was calm and quiet after Friday and Saturday. Josh was working and Lisa made herself scarce. Shane and I had barely talked I got the feeling he was avoiding me. So I took a book up to the attic to let him come to me. After a while I saw him leave. I puzzled over his behavior. I’d purposely avoided thinking about the incident all morning. I pushed my thoughts aside, unwilling to tackle them yet. I don’t know how much time passed. It was hot in the attic room. I set my book aside and stared out the window. It was cloudy again today. I breathed deep enjoying the aloneness. The attic had become my personal escape. It was the one place I could go where I wasn’t likely to be followed. It was comforting to not have to act up here. I heard a rustle. I looked up to see Aidriam leaning against the wall. I knew I would have to make a choice. I didn’t hear him come up. I could tell that he was nervous.
         “What are you doing up here?” I didn’t mean to sound so rude but as far as I knew only Shane and I knew about me coming up here all the time.
         “I need to talk to you.” He said it so simply and so seriously that I almost became worried.
         “About what? Is it more of what happened on Friday night?” He winced as I mentioned that night.
         “Kind of. I need to explain things to you. I didn’t know how to then and I’m not sure I do now, but I’m going to try.” He took a deep breath. “Its not much of a secret that I’ve wanted to date you since I first saw you. But as you saw Friday, I’m not exactly normal. I have never told anyone this; there has never been a need to. The only people that I ever cared about already knew or was going to know shortly after me.” He paused. He had been pacing while he talked but as he paused he snuck a glance at me. 
         “I think you’re confusing me. Just say it and get it over with.” I said.
         He sighed and gave me a weak smile. He looked like a man about to jump off a plank into freezing cold water. “I’m what you might call a werewolf. I can change into a wolf.” He squeezed his eyes shut.
         “Well that explains a little.”
         He looked at me, confused and incredulous. “No screaming and running away?”
         “I think that if you were going to tear me to shreds you would have done that Friday night. And its not like it’s a full moon today anyway.” I laughed.
         “Actually, that’s a myth. We don’t need a full moon to change. Its linked to our anger.”
         “I’ll remember not to make you too angry then.”
         “So you’re not scared?” He moved closer, sitting on the floor with me.
         “I guess I am a little, but I don’t want to lose my light.” I leaned into him, resting my head on his chest as he wrapped his arms around me. I didn’t tell him that I hadn’t decided to stay with him until I saw him in the attic.
         “I will earn your trust and prove to you I love you. I will never hurt you,” he whispered in my ear. I snuggled into his warmth feeling more at ease than I had in a long time.