The Jazz Boy

The Jazz Boy

You lit up in the rain wearing my green jacket.
My pants were rolled up to keep them dry
And my flip-flops left my feet covered in mud.
At that moment standing at the light, I told you,
‘Promise me you’ll never be angry at me again.’
And you promised me.

An hour walk after spending the whole day together;
We’d played backgammon and I made you pie
And for all that time I thought that you would be
My friend and just my friend- for longer than last time.
But it was not enough for you and that night
You called me.

You said you were lying in the grass,
Watching the stars and enjoying being eighteen.
You tell me, ‘I have always liked you and I like you now’.
But since I first met you in that music class,
Where I failed miserably and you excelled with ease,
I’ve moved on.

You are not the boy for me with your wild hair and your love of smooth jazz
And you are not that boy who will make me happy.
We agree on so seldom few things and
You have thrown my friendship away before.

When the static followed your voice, I knew that I would have to choose
Between the jazz boy and his unpredictable friendship or
The other boy who I moved on from you with.

I remembered how when I told you last summer that I liked you so much,
You thought about how your friends disliked my look
And you forgot me.

I chose you before and you didn’t care.
And the second you told me you liked me,
I suddenly wanted you less because
You weren’t something I couldn’t have.

And that was the last we talked.
I can’t shake this feeling of regret that has stayed with me
Since I said goodnight and goodbye
And hung up the phone and that feeling
Stays with me now.

I hate the sound of jazz but when
I hear it, it sounds like you.
I didn’t forget about you.
Still, I miss you when you walk by in the hall,
And I miss you, still, lighting up in the rain.