Myself

I’m so unhinged I can’t even write about it.
I tore my room apart so I didn’t tear myself apart.
I thought about killing myself a few times.
I thought up a total of 7 ways (I lost the irony of 6)
I could drown myself
I could pill myself
I could walk outside and freeze myself
I could dive out my window and break myself
I could hang myself
I could knife myself
I could starve myself.
The last one is too prolonged though.
What’s the point of long term suicide? Hell I could come to my senses by then.
It’s not like I could actually do any of them.
Sure, physically I could do each of them.
6 at once if I tried really hard probably.
To hell with girls
to hell with god
to hell with you
to hell with me
to hell with death
to hell with sex
to hell with hell and everything wonderful
I hope the stars burn out tonight
I hope a black hole opens and eats the whole fucking universe just so I don’t have to wake up tomorrow.
compress me
distress me turn me into a single fucking particle
go on, see if I give a damn.
take me out back and snap my limbs
I want them through the skin
I don’t want some x-ray to confirm it
I want to know right then and there my body is as broken as the rest of me.

I want to kill God.
I want to squeeze his neck until I feel it snap in my hands.

It’s amazing how I hate something I don’t believe exists.

fuck girls (I accept)
fuck god
fuck you
fuck me (if you’re pretty)
fuck death
fuck sex (I just repeat myself)
fuck hell and everything wonderful

haha let’s offend.
shut up I just say what comes to mind
I’m going to break my face off with a sledgehammer.
fuck the face, I want to break my whole damn head off (just the top one please)

I’m defiled this into ramblings. I am not constructive
I am not followed by you.
I am not here
I am not here
I am not here
I am not here
I am not here
I am not here
I am not here
I am not here so I can’t tear myself apart