Tracks

It's the middle of summer and three whole days since Mitchie bit it. And we--me, Sara, Greg, Benton, Joanna, and Donnie--still go down by the tracks and get stoned like it never happened, and it makes me sick. "But what are we supposed to do?: Greg keeps saying. "Should we stop our lives for him? Just stop getting high out of respect? Everything goes on like before, always." But Greg's a pompous, Nietchze-obsessed asshole, and I still miss Mitchie.

I feel terrible for not saying anything after it happened. I feel disgusting for keeping my mouth shut. But Sara wanted it that way. she wants to keep her stash and all her secrets safe and even went so far as to lie about Mitchie to the police to keep it that way. she had the stones to say she last saw him with Roger the drifter, even though we all saw Mitchie drown during a baaaaaddd trip. Now the cops think they have their culprit just because Roger makes for such a suspicious character, I guess.

So we're quiet and acting happy and lighting up, only I don't, not at first, which has Sara looking at me like I'm a total prick. "If you're still pining over Mitchie, you can stop," she says. I stare down at my knees. She continues, and everyone else watches. "He was a loser, and you know he wasn't worth your time."

I'm amazed by her, but I'm not as vicious, so I can't even talk back. And then I feel worse for not sticking up for Mitchie. I know now no one else will, and I feel my cheeks flush, and I bet Sara can see it.

"They're going to find his body," I say.

She says, "And?"

"And what? They're going to find it and bust us."

"Bust us because he drowned without our help? God, you know, I can't believe I'm even talking about this with you. He was a complete moron."

My face is all prickling and burning and I snap at her. "You screwed Roger over!"

She actually laughs at this. "Oh, come on, he's probably a rapist."

No one says anything, a few have wandered away, and I keep staring at the ground, at my knees.


At night my parents watch the news and pay special attention to the local stories. They want, of course, to hear something new about Mitchie. I could tell them plenty, and I'm not quite sure whether they know that but are afraid to pressure me. They've been taught that someone my age needs his distance.

So while they're watching TV I pretned I'm real distraught and take advantage of some alone time. But my sister disrupts it. She knows all about what I do with my friends by the train tracks and wants to know where I learned about drugs in the first place. I tell her Lou Reed, but we both know that's not true, because unlike Mitchie I don't do anything heavy, and it's a good thing she doesn't believe me, too, because I risk getting my LPs confiscated. I threaten to bloody her nose, so she shuts up and leaves me alone. I fall asleep on accident with the news droning on in the other room.


I don't go to the tracks the next day. Donnie calls me up and tells me to meet everyone at the bagel shop in the plaza. I'm a little disappointed, because I'm just beginning to feel better about this whole Mitchie situation and could realy go for a toke. But I agree to meet there, and I make it to the bagel shop in about ten minutes.

My crowd is wedged in our booth in the far corner, and there's a new face among them. Joanna and Sara practically hang off him. I immediately peg him as a charmer, and he's got the face to back it up. I sit down and meet Donnie's gaze, sort of gesture to the newcomer with my head. Donnie just rolls his eyes.

"Hi," the new guy says. His eyes are so fucking blue. "I'm Luger."

We shake hands. "Luger? Really?" I say. I can't resist.

He makes a pistol with his fingers. "Like the gun." He fires.

"Isn't that awesome?" Joanna says. She's hung over but fighting like hell to win this guy's approval.

Mitchie's already being replaced by a much more attractive package. I know it. Donnie knows it. So does Benton, even though he's trying to deny it, the way he forces himself to smile at Luger's joke. And the bastard Greg is just in cahoots with the girls, but I'm starting to think he's queer anyhow, so let him have Luger and his fucking gorgeous face.


I meet with Benton that night mostly just because he's the only one who's never really pissed me off. We go driving in his mom's sedan, because his regular shit heap is in the shop. Mrs. Benton, she's not so bad, actually, real nice of her to let us go guzzle up her gas when we don't even know what the hell we want to do. Anyway, we bum around from place to place talking about Luger and how we hate him just because he's so goddamn good-looking. We decide we miss Mitchie because he was always so genuine. That's the term we decide on. Mitchie was real genuine.