So that's how it is...

She sat in her chair and glared at me

nothing else.

she just glared.

I asked her what was wrong and she rolled her eyes in disbelief.

"don't pretend to not know" she tells me

I ask her again and she says

I have been thinking

about you.

and when I think of you leaving

there is no regret. no pain or sadness

when I think of you dieing. soft pang of joy enters me.

and so she sits watching me on the couch.

Confusion floods my mind.

in my head I think "so the feeling I have been getting it is not my imagination"

My Sister. sits and watches me on the couch.

she watches the hurt fade from my face.

I stand up and without a word a lock myself in my room.

I sit and rock myself on the floor

she tells me through the door.

it's not that I don't care about you sister dear

I just don't cry when I think of you not being with me in my life

as she speaks these words my heart turns cold and I say nothing.

I shall hate her as she hates me

with indifference.

no more will I protect the one I love

I will think no more of what my actions consequences will cause her.

she says she would not cry if I was to die.

maybe she will find out.

soon.