Anger

As I write I feel my anger swell inside me

my blood boils in my veins

My heart races

and spite controls my brain.

How come the people I love just don't seem to care.

why can't they see through my veil of wellbeing

to the despair that's really there

Anger makes my blood boil

makes me say things that aren't really fair.

with each word uttered between us I feel the distance grow

and as each second passes I know

that though we love eachother

though we care

they would rather see my back

than have to see me right there.


My family.

have left me

to face myself.

when they talk to me they shout

when they want me to do something manners are out of the question

I am a burden

every word that escapes their mouths is loaded with venom

and I know I am completely alone

I hate going to bed

because when I'm alone in the dark of my room at night

my emotions wreak their wrath on me

when I'm alone in my room

dark thoughts cloud my mind.

I am everything I hate

I am a burden

I am useless

these are the thoughts that torture my mind

as these things run through my head

all that I can think of is

that I should end it.

that I should either run away

or die

there is no in between.

I am hated by "friends" and family alike.

but they cannot be blamed

for hating one who hate themself

I plan my escape both possibilities

should I die? and hurt my family unagriveably?

or should I run and cause them long torture?

I know in my heart that I will kill myself one day soon

and knowing this I plan to book holidays and things for them so that they know I did care.

planning my demise I fall asleep

and have nightmares of my families grief.

I fear going into my room at night because I must face my demons.

but my parents

send me there continually.

pushing me further into my shell.

making me withdraw within myself

so I don't have to think.

Each day I put on a happy face and push away my demons untill the night

when they appear in full force

my demons are killing me from within

untill I will kill them from without.