Whale Candy Recipe

Whale Candy Recipe
(Holiday foods you hope you won't have to eat)


Christmas food usually tastes good
But there are some things not meant to eat
Like a bright yellow-snow soufflé
Or a burger made of reindeer feet

A sandwich made from Christmas lights
Or Bill’s balls squeezed oh, so right
But there's a secret recipe
Much like your chicken of the sea

A candy you can’t find for sale
Because mostly folks, it's made of whale
Start with a gaseous cloud of vapor
A big bear’s turd so finely tapered

Encased in a globule of licorice muck
Weighted down in a chewy nougat
Which is the candy equivalent of veal
Rolled up inside solid crispy whale

Cover with rich, creamy pepperoni
Then mold into a fat-butt bologna
And there you have it, slop in a bowl
Just be sure to eat 'round the old blow hole