Jorj Ch 1-3

First let me explain something. I'm trying to send these 20 pages to agents in the hopes of maybe in a year or two a agent will be interested in my work. This is the story that I'm sending out. Please critique as harshly as you would like or even harsher so that I can learn. If you don't understand anything please ask.
corp 2006 Rayne

“What’s your name?”

“I am called,” Jorj started, but the guard’s words interrupted her speech.

“No, I asked what’s your name.”

“Jorj.” The guard looked down at Jorj from his high perch from the castle walls. He was silent for a full moment. Mentally, Jorj looked herself over, as he would see her. She was on a rich, chocolate brown horse with a matching cloak that covered her whole being including fingers and toes. All he could see was her brilliant hazel eyes peeking underneath the hood.

“Is that your name or what you are called?”

“Called.”

“Then you can sleep out in the forest.” The guard started to walk away when she threw off her hood and bounded down from her horse.

“What’s your name?” She demanded. He looked at her for a moment his eyes going wide. “Won’t tell me your name or what you’re called, but you expect me to give out such personal information.” Jorj stomped her foot in irritation.

“You’re a woman?”

She nodded. She was done talking. Jorj eyed the wall; she was going to scale it. The 30-foot wooden wall shouldn't be a problem. The wood should be easy to dig into, but the only problem was the spikes at the top. One would have to be very careful when climbing over it or fear getting gutted on the sharp point. Jorj was looking for the most vulnerable spot when the gates opened. Jorj looked up at the guard in confusion, but he was no longer where he stood just moments before. Jorj clucked at her horse and he obediently followed her inside. As soon as Jorj and her horse were inside the gates closed.

“My conscience will not let me leave a woman outside to freeze when she can warm herself by the fire.” The guard pointed to a fire near the gates, but far away enough so it wouldn’t burn it down.

“I require a bath, food, and a room.” Jorj said indignantly.

The guard looked at her for a full minute before laughing. “I still do not know your name. You are to stay there.” He looked at her in what he assumed was an intimidating expression.

Jorj lifted one sculpted eyebrow. “You know what I go by. If you call that name I will respond. Gatekeeper for your troubles.” She tossed two gold coins in the air and he caught them both. He looked at them with a slight greed in his eyes. That was more than he made in one workweek. He signaled to the side and a boy appeared.

“Take her to the inn.” The boy nodded and started to move. When Jorj didn’t follow he looked at her with curiosity.

“My horse.” She reminded the gatekeeper. He looked up and snapped. Two men came and walked towards her horse. Jorj’s horse immediately reared and pawed the air near their head.

“Shaa min nu. Teek kait su,” Jorj gently said as she walked over to her horse and patted him down. She looked at the two men with an evil glint in her eyes and gave them one warning. “Teek, my horse, will allow you to lead him, rub him down, feed him oats and water him. Nothing else. If you try anything else my Teek will defend himself and come to me immediately.” Both men nodded their heads looking very afraid of the massive horse. One gently took his reins and took a step. Teek obediently followed though he sniffed heavily as if waiting for them to try something.

The boy again started to walk and this time Jorj followed. “Why wouldn’t you tell the gate keeper your name, Jorj?” Jorj glanced at the boy. “He would have let you in. He just wanted to see if you are friend or foe.” Again she simply stared at the boy, but didn’t say anything. “At least you have a name. I have none.” That made Jorj stop cold.

“A name is very valuable. If anyone knows your true name they have power over you. If they create a spell using your true name they can control you or make you hurt people you love. You never give your true name unless it is to someone you trust your life with, because if you give them your true name that is what you are doing giving them your life.”

The boy thought over her words. He was so intense for being so young, he was very serious and Jorj could only assume it had to do with his tough upbringing. “How do I get a true name?”

Jorj smiled at the boy. “Well, first what are you called?”

“Alyx.”

“Well, Alyx what do you feel in your heart? What name fills your soul?”

Alyx paused thinking. Jorj could tell he was concentrating. Alyx led Jorj to a small room opening the door so she could cross the threshold. Jorj looked around nodding. The room contained one bed with a small wooden headboard, a small wooden bed table, a wooden table at the far corner of the room, and a large wooden bookcase that almost reached from the stone ground to the stone ceiling.

“This will do.” Jorj unhooked her moneybag from her belt and let it fall on a small shelf of the bookcase, and then she dropped a jewel-encrusted dagger next to it, followed by a thick brown book that was dusty and obviously very old. Jorj turned to take her cloak off slowly unclasping the hooks.


Alyx, I require a tub full of steaming water, but first a meal.” Jorj felt a tremor in the air. She whipped around so fast her now unclasped cloak billowed around her. Quickly, deftly she threw a gold hilt sword that was hanging from her right hip at the wooden door, sinking it in deep.

Alyx jumped back, Jorj shook her head and Alyx started to grab the door handle. Alyx pulled back in time to see another gold hilt sword sink into the door near the knob. Alyx looked at Jorj to see her cloak strewn on the bed and Jorj wearing two sheaths on both her hips. Alyx looked at her with awe.

You’re wearing pants! And boots!” Jorj shook out her long raven hair and pulled off one boot taking out the twin dagger to the one on the shelf. She tossed it on the bed before replacing her boot.

“My money bag.” Jorj stated calmly. Alyx grinned sheepishly and handed Jorj back her moneybag. Jorj tested its weight in her hand before retying it back around her belt and hiding it inside her pants.

“3 Kut coins! For stealing, I should cut off your hands!” Jorj took 3 steps and grabbed the boy turning him around and smashing him into the wall. She reached over and grabbed the dagger off the shelf and pulled back to chop Alyx’s hand off nice and clean.

“Nae! Here, please don’t. I’m sorry!”

Jorj threw him on the bed.  She felt he had it hard and if he was stealing he probably needed it. That did not mean that stealing was the right thing to do. Nae, if he wanted the coins he would have to work for them. “Keep it! You are my personal boy for 3 days. Those coins are your pay. You skip out on me and I’ll hunt you down.” Jorj's tone promised that she was not stating such for the pure joy of scaring him. She really would hunt him down and make him pay for the insult of stealing from her. Jorj stared at Alyx who was shaking in fright and what looked like a little excitement. Jorj slipped the dagger into one of her many hiding places and shook her head.

“You’re strong.” Alyx bounded up from the bed, giving Jorj a once over. “You don’t dress like a girl either.” Alyx opened the door noticing that the swords still stayed in the door.  He waited for Jorj to step out before sliding beside her and leading her to the bar.

“I don’t.” Jorj usually didn't talk, but since he was hers for the time being she might as well get a better feeling for him. Maybe it was her nurture side, but she couldn't help liking him even after that incident in the room.

“Nae, see girls wear dresses and usually slippers. Plus their hair isn’t down, it’s up and…” Alyx hesitated. He seemed undecided. “Women or men?”

Jorj didn’t know what exactly he was referring to, but in all truth in just about everything Jorj preferred, “Men.”

Alyx smiled and led her to a tavern full of men. All conversation stopped when she entered. Jorj turned to Alyx. “Bath full of steaming water.” Alyx ran off.

A waitress with light blond hair, very curvy, and shorter than Jorj’s own 5’8 height approached her. The girl had a small walk that immediately made one notice her and Jorj had the briefest thought that she was going to be thrown out.

“I’m Soleil, are you sure you want to eat here than over at Citre’s place?”

“What’s the difference?”

Soleil laughed. “Honey, those women are so gossipy, but their eating manners are a lot better than them.” She nodded to the men.

“Soleil! I want some more brew. Either serve her or throw her out, but we’ll have no women yappin here.” The men howled with laughter.

Soleil rolled her eyes. “Ya sure?” Jorj nodded. Soleil led her to a table when Alyx bounded in. Before he could say anything a huge brute grabbed Alyx’s arm. Alyx eyes went big. “Gorga,” he whispered.

“I told you if I ever saw you I would run you through,” cried Gorga.

Jorj stood up. “Thai’s my personal boy!”

“He’s a thief.”

“He’s mine for 3 moons.”

Gorga slammed his palm down on the table. “He’s a thief!”

In a blink of an eye Jorj slammed the blade into the table right between Gorga’s fingers.  “He’s my boy!”

Gorga’s face went red. He looked at Jorj as if he could kill her. His eyes stared into Jorj's and his fingers flexed a little. Jorj was slowly gathering energy around her. There was a tenseness in the air and nobody dared move or break the stare down the two people in the room where having. Jorj had just enough energy when a hand slammed down on Gorga’s shoulder. Jorj looked up at the intruder and met the most beautiful eyes she had ever seen. They were a smoky gray with swirls of blue flickering through them. Jorj let her eyes focus on the rest of the man and her body immediately jumped with familiarity and want.
He looked like one of those ancient Greek golden gods that her father used to read to her in the old dusty books. His body was very muscular and yet lean at the same time giving off the impression that he wasn't as big as he wanted to become. He had a broad-chest with muscular arms, and thick muscled legs. His blond hair was held back into a ponytail that settled down his back.  “Come on Gorga, leave the kid alone. Besides make his owner pay off the debt.”

Jorj smirked at the stranger though her eyes hadn't quite left his body. If that's all the stranger was going to do then he wasn’t any help at all, besides she could handle this oaf herself.

Gorga smiled, “Good idea Samul. Your boy owes me 10 Kut coins.” Jorj didn’t bat an eye. She heard Alyx take in a deep breath, so did Gorga apparently as he quickly explained himself. “2 Kut coins plus interest.”

Jorj nodded. She reached into her belt and pulled out her moneybag slowly untying it. She counted out 10 gold coins. “Done,” she told Gorga.

“Aye,” he agreed.

Jorj dropped the gold coins into his meaty hand and turned to Soleil who was slowly approaching. “I’ll have any hot ale you have, the kid something cold and two hot plates.”

Soleil nodded and walked off. Gorga recounted his coins and harsk quickly out the door. Jorj sat and pulled the boy down to sit at one of the benches at the table. Jorj realized smokey eyes haven’t left and she glared up at him.

“No, thank you?” He asked with a bit of humor in his voice.

“For what?”

“For helping.”

“How exactly did you help when I had to pay that gorgan money?”

“Ooooh,” said Alyx underneath his breath at Jorj’s insult.

“He would have fought you.” Stated Samul calmly.

“And I would have won.” Jorj stated just as calm.

“With what?” Samul leaned closer to Jorj so that no one but the three of them could hear his words. “A dagger and magick!” Samul snickered. Alyx’s mouth dropped open in an O at the mention of magick, but Samul didn’t notice and kept on. He slammed down his own fist near where the dagger was still embedded in the table. “That dagger wouldn’t have fought off Gorga and magick won’t help you here, girly. If you have used it they would have hung you.”

Jorj was entranced with Samul. His eyes went from smokey to black and Jorj couldn’t speak not even when he kicked over a bench in frustration from her lack of emotion. “Are you going to say anything?”

Jorj shrugged. “You know of magick?” She asked instead.

Suddenly a girl with the same smokey eyes appeared next to Samul. She appeared to be about 16 summers and was just coming into her woman hood and though her body was very slender it promised more curves than any father would like for his little girl. Her hair was more of a honey blond complexion and she moved with a small fluidity or grace. The girl had a small quirkiness about her, like an ancient work of art you just had to stare at, though you don't quite understand it. She gave you that intense stare that made you stop and listen even if you wanted to turn away. The girl gazed at Samul and he immediately left. The girl's eyes followed Samul before turning and settling on Jorj's own hazel eyes before running off behind Samul.

“That’s Nata, Samul’s kin sister. She’s zork,” explained Alyx.

“Zork?”

“Uh huh. She’s usually lost in her own world or she says funny things.” Alyx stated while his eyes were glued to Soleil who was approaching with their food and drinks.

“Here you go,” Soleil said while placing their food and mugs in front of them, “If you need anything just call.”
“Here,” Jorj handed her a riz, a silver coin. Soleil smiled in thanks. “I’ll give you a purx if you sit and talk with me.”

Soleil’s eyes went big. She usually received a riz or worse a verone, a copper coin. She rarely got a kut, gold coin and never a purx, a diamond coin. Soleil immediately sat. “What do you want to know?”

“Who’s your ruler?”

“Sootro is our village lord. He leaves Vyn, his trusted fierce warrior, to oversee things while he is gone.”

“So Sootro is not here?”

“Nae, your questions can seem," Soleil searched for the words. She liked this Jorj, but still she didn't like the questions she was asking, "misguided.”

“Aye, this one is looking for Lord Sootro and Lord Cofb.”

“Your reasons?”

“Nae, not for other ears. None should know about me.”

“Who are you?” Soleil looked closer at Jorj suddenly worried. Soleil realized she didn't really know this strange woman, even though she does give off an aura of compassion and trust it could be a guise.

“Jorj.”

“Nae, I mean who are you? I love my lord. He’s always been good to us. You truly raise my concerns.”

“Nae, don’t worry.” Jorj waved her hand as though waving away Soleil's concerns. She meant this village no harm, but she couldn't tell anyone what her intentions were. That was for her to bear alone and this conversation was over though Jorj just heard a piece of information that shouldn't have been discussed in the open air.

Alyx finished his meal and listened intently to the conversation. He was saved many times by Lord Sootro and his face mirrored Soleil’s concern. He opened his mouth to speak when the attack horns sounded. Everyone froze for a split second before pandemonium broke out. Soleil looked at Jorj as though Jorj herself have brought the sound upon them.

Ch2.
Jorj jumped up and bounced three kuts and one purx on the table while pushing Alyx into Soleil’s arms. “For the information and to watch this boy. Nae harm shall come to him.” Soleil nodded. She reached forward and grabbed the dagger that was still in the table and held it out as though to ward off any danger that would come to herself or Alyx.

Jorj was already out the door and to her room. She opened her door and still in total shock and surprise. “Nata?!”

Nata sat cross-legged in the middle of the bed looking serene and calm as the horns continued in the background. Nata’s smokey eyes captivated Jorj. They looked so familiar as though she knew this girl.

“How’d you…” Jorj stopped already knowing the answer. They didn’t have time to say anything else when they heard Samul’s voice calling for Nata. It was slightly panicked and Jorj didn’t like that sound in Samul’s voice.

Jorj walked over to her bed and fastened her sheaths as Nata called out to Samul. She had just pulled both swords from the door and placed them in their proper places when Samul burst into the room. He glanced at Jorj with questions in his eyes, but he voiced none. Instead he grabbed Nata by the upper arm and dragged her out the door. Jorj followed and stop short when she stared at the scene ahead of her.

Magladon had already entered the village and was standing directly across from Samul who was glaring at him. Magladon’s army was standing behind him looking fierce, but relaxed as the whole village looked on in fright.

Jorj could tell Samul wanted to engage in fight, but his hand was gripping Nata’s tightly. Jorj made sure to stay out of Magladon’s view by standing directly behind Samul.

“Your village is mine,” yelled Magladon. “Throw down your arms or be killed.”

Everyone glanced nervously at each other the visible soldiers not knowing what to do. “Leave our village.” A voice rang out from the villagers. Slowly striding towards Magladon was a giant of a man easily towering a foot over Magladon. His brown hair glinted in the sunlight and his stride was full of confidence and arrogance that put the villagers at ease.

Magladon quirked an eyebrow, “Vyn I assume?”

“You heard of me!” Vyn looked proud, “though I haven’t heard of you.” Vyn turned his head laughing uproariously. The villagers followed suit laughing and pointing.

Magladon slowly turned towards his soldiers and shook his head. “Nae you miss hear me. I mean I heard you died.”

“I died?” Vyn asked his eyebrows raised quizzically and his hands on his waist.

“By me.” Before Vyn could say or do anything Magladon turned back to Vyn in one swift movement he unsheathed his sword and brought it around. A flash of blood spewed on the ground as Vyn’s head slowly slid off his body, which followed a second later.

“Vyn!” Samul yelled. He pushed Nata behind him into Jorj’s arms. Magladon watched him with interest until he noticed the caramel woman standing behind the approaching man.

“Aerosia?”

Jorj smiled as he used part of her true name, one of the few who knew it. Jorj inclined her head in slight greeting. “Magladon,” Jorj stated calmly.

“What are you doing here?” Jorj tried to mask her feelings and speak a lie, but before she could open her mouth Magladon continued on. “Nae, wait. Let me guess. Daddy is offering his support to the remaining 2 lords and sent you to get their answers. You’re here, because just like me you heard Lord Sootro is here, but he’s not is he?”

Jorj slowly shook her no. “You were always a great guesser, Magladon.”

Magladon sighed. “I know. It’s too bad though. I can’t let you deliver your message and give hope to the lord, their people, or their regions.”

Jorj instantly knew Magladon was going to kill these people. She nodded understanding the situation though the realization almost knocked her to her knees. These people were decent folk.

Magladon smiled able to read her, knowing she knew what he was going to do next. Jorj couldn’t help it she had to ask. “Why Magladon? For power?”

Magladon shrugged toying with her as his soldiers slowly backed up almost unnoticeably if you weren’t trained on them. “You know me. Come with me, join me.”

“Nae,” Jorj’s eyes narrowed with anger. What he was doing wasn't right. He was going to murder these people and Jorj couldn't do anything to stop it. She was going to have to think quickly, get these people out, and find Lord Sootro.

Magladon made to come at Jorj when Samul stepped to the left right into Magladon’s path. Magladon stopped short, “Move or die.”

Samul didn’t budge. He slowly unsheathed his sword. Magladon and Samul were evenly matched. Both about the same height, both build with thick arms muscled from yielding a sword daily. Where as Samul was golden haired with smokey eyes, Magladon had dark tresses with sparkling blue eyes that were as cold as ice. Jorj looked from one to the other conflicted.

“I said MOVE!” Magladon held his arm out, his hand in a vice. Samul’s face went red. He clawed at his throat first with one hand then the other his sword forgotten at his feet where he dropped it. Samul dropped to his knees. The villagers started to scream more afraid of the fact Magladon use of magick than his sword.

Suddenly Magladon was thrown back away from Samul. He fell hard on his back his head hitting the dirt with a hard thud. Jorj stepped forward letting Nata run to her fallen kin. Magladon’s eyes widen with surprise. He jumped to his feet and stormed off his troops already gone. He glanced back once his eyes promising retaliation.

The village erupted in cheers. People surrounded Samul and Nata seeing if he was okay and congratulating Jorj. Jorj shook her head trying to yell above them.

“Good job.” The villagers kept saying. “Usually we hang people who use magick, but this is okay.” They kept repeating themselves.

“Leave,” Jorj tried to yell. “He’s not retreating, he’s gathering his forces. Please get out, run.” But none could hear her or listen.

A woman’s scream pierced the air. Everyone turned as one, silent just in time to watch a body fall with an arrow in his neck. Everyone ran everywhere.

Jorj scooped up Nata and tried to drag Samul to her room. Nata pushed out of her arms and tried to help drag Samul. “Use magick,” Nata cried.

“Too dangerous. Someone will knock into him and I won’t be able to steady him.”

Just as Jorj finished someone ran into Nata knocking her down. Nata screamed in fright, but Jorj pulled her up. Someone else tripped over Samul’s prone body.

“We have to get him out of here,” Nata yelled to Jorj.

“I know,” Jorj knelt beside Samul. “Samul wake up.”

“Why won’t he wake up,” Nata sounded hysterical. “Why won’t he wake up?”

“Poison.” Jorj answered her while trying to focus her magick in the man. “Please.”

Samul jerked up awake. “Nata?” Nata ran into his arms.

“Samul get up. We don’t have much time. That first arrow was just a warning.”

“Arrow?”
Jorj pulled Samul to his feet. Samul leaned heavily again her and Nata. They were feet from the inn when the arrows poured down on the village. Thousands of arrows rained down from the sky. People screamed as they died, the arrows barely missing anyone. Jorj threw up a protective barrier and she could see the arrows bouncing off the translucent shield creating small sparks as they slowly made their way to the inn.

Ch3.
Jorj laid Samul down on the bed unconscious. His weight made the bed creak and emit a yelp. Nata jumped back, but Jorj continued to make Samul comfortable.

“I have to heal him. This may take time. Nata don’t let anyone in. Nae the person, nae the matter. You know what I mean.”

“Aye,” came the reply. Nata sat down in front of the door staring at it, concentrating hard.

“Alyx, Soleil, I need you both to come from under the bed. Alyx you go to Nata and help her. She’ll show you what to do. Soleil he’s going to jump and move and I need you to hold him down.”

Alyx slowly emerged from under the bed with a sheepish grin. He wanted to ask Jorj how she knew, but Nata held out a hand backwards her eyes still transfixed on the door. Alyx sat next to her staring at the floor, but holding her hand.

Soleil came from under the bed and watched nervously as Jorj climbed on top of Samul. She straddled his chest and held down his forearms.  “Don’t let him throw me off.”

Soleil nodded and stood at the front of the bed. She leaned forward and pushed her weight down on his shoulders. Jorj could feel herself falling and falling into she knew she was in two places at once. She could feel herself in Samul’s body and she could feel herself on his body. She could also feel Samul with her inside of him laying dormant, watching her.

Jorj looked around inside of Samul and found the black mass swirling around, tearing at his organs. Jorj immediately started to chant in her mind preparing to cleanse the poison out.
“What are you doing,” Samul’s question vibrated in Jorj’s head.

“Healing you. There’s poison in you. It’s going to hurt.” Outside her body Jorj felt Samul tense.

“I’m ready,” he simply stated.

Jorj pushed pure golden energy through Samul’s body. She knew the poison was going to make the energy feel like it’s burning his organs. “Be calm. We can fight this Samul.”

“I can’t,” Samul cried. “You’re killing me.”

Jorj continued fast not letting Samul or the medicine take a break. She needed to get this out before it killed him and her.

“Stop! Let me die. I can’t take this!”

Jorj felt Samul’s body convulse then buck as he fought her and the energy.

“Stop this, Samul. Here look into my mind. My mother, father.” Samul started to calm down as he sought Jorj’s mind, her memories. Jorj shared her good memories while fighting off all the poison. She checked and double-checked making sure she didn’t miss any.

“What are you hiding from me Jorj?”

Jorj could feel Samul pushing at a block she had created in her mind from him. There were some things she didn’t want him to know about her. Unfortunately Jorj was tired and she still had a few bits of poison left to fight off.

“Stop, don’t push.”

Samul felt her wall crumbling, so he pushed harder.

“Nae, you have no right.” Jorj killed the last bit and retreated, but not before Samul saw her first kiss. When she was only a girl of 13 full seasons with a younger, but still the same Magladon.