TOUCHED BY AN ANGEL

                          “I  met  a  little  girl;  sure  was  fine,
                pretty  little  thing,  just  about  blew  my  mind.”
                “She  took  me  home  and  made    love  to  me;
          I  knew  then  and  there  that  this  is  where  I  wanted  to  be.

The words of a song as sung by the marvelous MARVIN GAYE repeatedly played over and over in my head as she entered the room; a vision so beautiful I knew heaven must have been missing an angel.  When I saw her I froze, just like a deer caught up in a cars headlight.  It seemed as if time had stopped and all stood still as her voice was the only sound I heard when she spoke.  Literally, I had to pinch myself just to make sure that it was not a dream and I was asleep.

I sat there in awe dazzled with amazement like a silly schoolboy while searching for words to say feeling to me if death has come for me then please let it be now.

When she spoke her name the words arrived to me like a soft whisper in the night with all the delicate music of a songbird in flight.  She had the gift of illumination for with each smile the entire room seemed to have brightened.  As she moved about the room her hair of blonde and brown danced through the air with the gracefulness of a Monarch butterfly.  This woman possessed all the beauty of a mid-April flowery spring day.

Nothing else really mattered to me any more except for the fact that I knew that I had to meet this girl.

I knew just how to approach her and exactly what I wanted to say when a sudden cold brush of reality slapped me in the face.  How could I say anything to her or ever expect to stand a chance of making a place for me in her heart?  For while I sat there, I sat in a wheelchair.  Here stood the chance for me to endure possibly the best thing that has ever happened to me in my life and now this opportunity was about to pass me by.                                                                                                                     

Oh, shattered dreams. The crudeness of life, with someone this lovely by my side guys would envy me from miles around.  But I suppose it was just not to be, it seemed only just a dream.  Nothing more could be expected at this point but compassion, sympathy, or a friendship.  Fate had dealt me such a cruel blow.

Finally, while wiping back a tear as it fell from my eye I gathered enough  strength to go over and speak.  We talked of backgrounds; we talked of flowers; we talked of expectations and we talked of love.  We talked for hours and it was like we had known each other forever.  No way could you have convinced me this relationship was not meant to be.  We have so much in common; we’ve shared the same joys and pains, we were meant to be. 

In light of all the darkness  that  was now  going on in my life the heavens had finally opened up and shined it’s rays of light down on me.

We talked so long in fact, that others had to come and interrupt our conversation in order to take care of the business at hand for it was now her time for therapy; see, she was in a wheelchair, too.

Before she left she touched my hand and I will never be the same ever again. I watched her as she went away thinking how unkind it was that something as wonderful as this moment had to come to an end.  As she went away so left a little piece of my heart but that empty feeling was soon overcome with the elation's and anticipation's of  being able to see her again.

We managed to have a brief encounter at the end of the day (but as far as I was concerned the rest of my life would not have been long enough), to exchange phone numbers, make arrangements for our next meetings but mainly it seemed just to confirm that what had taken place earlier in the day was real and not a dream.

It was real and I could not get home fast enough to continue the strings of conversations.  We have fun.  She tells me that I am silly and that I make her laugh but believe you  me, if you could  see this woman  when she smiles you would love to make her laugh just as much as I do.
                                                                                                                                                        Conversations must have gone on sometimes unending and one might think that eventually there’d be nothing else left to talk about.  But that never happened because every second of time that I spent with her was well worth talking about.  When our spaces combined the entire outside world was excluded and nothing more existed but us two.

Every time available we’d meet.  Brief encounters were taken advantage of at the slightest drop of a hat.  We passed messages to each other in the halls, through family members and even through the staff. Yeah! we became an item, and it never felt so good.  We were good for each other.

It was like; when you’re apart you can feel each others thoughts and seem to know what they are going through at any particular time.  Its like, when you’re alone in thought you can still smell the sweet fragrance of her perfume.  It’s like, when you’re asleep at night you dream about her and you hurriedly wish away the night hours to give in to day-light just so you can she her again.

Each passing day our relationship grew closer and we went about our ways as carefree as a bird, ignoring all surroundings and relationships to time.  When therapy was over I’d often visit her in her room.  Sometimes from home transportation could be arranged to come back and visit with her in the afternoon hours.

Our families were cool.  Whenever we could arrange time together they would go away and leave us alone.  This feeling was so contagious it could not be concealed.  Even strangers could pass by and feel the magnetic attractions of these two bodies.

I’ll never forget the first time she kissed me.  As I leaned over to feel the touch from her lips the world went into a slow motion orbit and the distance between us seemed larger than a football field.  Anticipation nearly drove me wild trying to pair up my imaginations with my expectations.  Closer and closer we’d get and still it’d seem, oh, so very far away.  My heart was pounding faster and I was about to pass out from a nervous exhaustion.  Wouldn’t that be something?  After this entire long wait I’d pass out and still wouldn’t know how it felt to be kissed by an angle.                                                                                                                                                       

We were finally there. The big moment arrived when her lips touched mine and if I hadn’t died before then surely this time I succeeded.  After what appeared to be a lifetime though in reality was just a few seconds, I opened my eyes and she was still there.  Amazingly she knocked me off my feet, every time I kissed her I got weak.

My blood pressure was racing so fast until a passing cop threatened to give me a ticket for speeding.

If it was up to me this moment would have never end. But unfortunately, everything must end while we were disturbed by the unexpected sounds of our returning relatives.  “Go away”, I heralded my unanswered pleas to no avail, for nothing I could say would deter the fact that still it was time to go.
         
Is there no justice in this life?  How can you give something and then take it away?  Wouldn’t it be better never to have known rather than to have loved and lost?  I was a complete mess at this point; all I could do was to stand there in the middle of the floor pouting around like a spoiled little brat.  Soon I admitted defeat and agreed that the day must come to an end.

We at this point had reached a whole new level as things began to accelerate.  Everything started to move faster now, the feelings, the emotions, and the time.  We had become so involved with each other that we somehow ignored that one destructive element that nothing has ever been able to survive…“Time.”

The dark clouds of sadness rolled in while the thunderous sounds of reality struck its deafening blows.  Soon it would be time for her to return home hundreds of miles away and all the happiness found would soon be gone.   

One more time life had its turn to prove just how unjust it could be.

The remaining few days passed with the quickness of a winter breeze.  Even the sun seemed to have dimmed.  The falling leaves from the trees only seemed to have echoed the crying in my heart as though nature itself could understand the feelings we were going through.
                                                                                                                                                            It was so hard to see each other and try to talk when each time you meet you know that you've come one day closer to the time you won’t be able to see each other again.  We made the best of it but there is absolutely no way you can fill in the emptiness when there is a void in your heart.

Each time I looked into her eyes the tears of sorry would form.  It was virtually impossible to conceal the way I felt.  When we held hands, ah, it’s so hard to explain, but you just never wanted to let go.

For those of you with kids, it’s like when your baby goes to school for the first time.  Deep inside your heart you know that it’s a good thing for them but the selfish love you posses do not want to let them go.  You’re mixed with emotions because some of your tears are for joy and some are for sorry.

Unfortunately, the time had arrived.  I could not sleep the night before because once it was daybreak again it would be the signal that it was time for her to go.  But then I did go to sleep because it was the only way I could be alone with my girl in my thoughts. Besides, silly me foolishly kept hoping that if I slept and did not wake then somehow I could prevent morning from coming and she would not have to leave.

We stayed together and held on to each other until the final piece of luggage was loaded onto the van.  Now it was her time to go.  This walk down the once warm and welcomed feeling hallway now felt so cold, desolated and lonely.  This felt like a walk to a death sentence.

While she was being loaded into the van I held onto her hand until the last possible second.  Then the door closed.  Although I tried to remain strong my heart hit the ground with such a force that it would have registered a nine on the Richter scale.
                                                                                                                                                          Standing there waving good-bye while the van pulled away it was hard to see clear anymore as by now my eyes were misty when they filled with the tears that flowed.  I just stood there for a while.  And when the van was no longer in sight, I just stood there.

Eventually my sister came and laid her hand on my shoulder as to console me and make me face the fact that it was over.  With my head hanging down and my heart broken we walked back to the car and headed for home.  I was completely in a different zone as my world had come to an end.

The ride home was miserable.  By the time my girl arrived home and settled in I could not wait to give her a call to make sure she was fine and to let her know how much I loved and missed her.

We constantly maintain contact on a regular basis.  We exchange letters, cards and phone calls.  We plan for the day that we can be together again, and I hope to be visiting her very soon.

What this lady has done to my life is phenomenal and can not be replaced. I owe her a lot of credit for being inspirational to me.  I’m a very fortunate guy for having this ray of sunshine come my way.  I’ve been blessed to have you in my world and I could not have met you if I had not been here.

This story should help serve as an awakening that love and relationships do not have to end because of a disability.  As a matter of a fact it intensifies without the deception and betrayal that would be displayed otherwise.

My heart goes out to my angel who gives me a love and a friendship all so true.  I hope out there somewhere that you can find an angel, too.