Elves on Strike

Good morning, good morning, good m…my goodness, what’s going on here? Why aren’t you busy? Don’t you know it’s only three weeks till Christmas?

Santa, I’m D. Little, and I’d like to speak to you on behalf of all the elves. We have some serious problems here, and nobody seems to be listening.

Why, this isn’t the time to be complaining! This is the time to be working, making things for me to deliver all over the….

Excuse me, Santa, but we know the story. Now, listen to our story if you will. There are not a lot of us, as you may realize. Statistics will bear me out. We are not growing in numbers adequately to provide for all the children of the world. We hardly get a day off, much less a night. We are barely able to reproduce enough baby elves to keep our population stable, much less exploding like you humans. We cannot keep up with the seriously escalating numbers of children, or with their greed. One gift apiece, we used to provide. Now they want six or eight each.

My dear D., aren’t you overlooking the magic in Christmas? It’s not just a matter of numbers. Our good will and charitable intentions will make sure every youngster gets what he wants on Christmas Day, IF you work steadily to make it happen. We need your cooperation to pull this off. How about it? Let’s get all of you back at your jobs, and in three weeks we’ll all relax.

Santa, Santa, you don’t understand. One elf used to make toys for, what, say 10,000 children? Now it’s one elf for a million children. We just can’t keep this up.

Well, if it’s as serious as that, what do you propose?

Here’s our idea. We have it all laid out. First, you let the slowest ten percent of the elves train some of the toy robots to help on the assembly line. They know the jobs, they just don’t move very fast. They’ll be good tutors, and the robots will be good workers.

That’s an interesting idea.

Second, let us have at least two nights a week off, so we can, uh, work on our own production line, so to speak.

Ah, you’re blushing. That’s a very good suggestion, and we’ll put it into practice as soon as we have robots to cover the shifts. Is that agreed?

Yes, Santa, and thank you for understanding. And one more thing.

Say no more. I know already. You want a vacation. I have a plan already. After the holidays, I’ll send you all for a week at Disneyworld.

That's wonderful, Santa! We'll love it; but that wasn't what I was asking.

All right. Go ahead. Ask. I want you to be happy and, er, productive.

Yes, about that. We'll need a better maternity benefit, parental leave, and an on-site nursery.