When is it considered a Godly marriage?

Someone once tried to tell me that people are considered married in God’s eyes after they have had sex together. That never sounded true to me so I began to research biblical marriage. I believe I found a pretty good definition of marriage during my research. However, during the course of this study I found an explanation for one of the phenomena that I have noticed in every day life.
Using the literal translations of the new testament texts (courtesy of www.blueletterbible.org) I found that spiritual connections are exactly like sexual connections. Every concept that applies to a sexual relationship also applies to a spiritual relationship. Although it can be forced (i.e. rape) temporarily, for it to be a healthy relationship it must be a mutual choice. It must be nurtured and cared for if it is to remain healthy and strong. It can be intense, passive, nurturing, or painful. It can strengthen your lives or destroy them. Above all however there is choice involved. You can bind yourself to someone spiritually but you can also choose to pull away.
This spiritual connection is also one of the sources that most nonverbal communication is derived from. This communication is not like reading a person’s body language. It is most readily understandable by using words like maternal instinct or by looking at the way husbands and wives are often filled with knowledge about the other even when they aren’t anywhere nearby. The secular world calls this phenomena telepathy. I call it a spiritual connection because that is what my bible teaches. I don’t like to tell anyone how to believe, I simply present the facts as I know them and you can make up your own mind.


Theory: There are several steps that must happen for it to be a Godly marriage.
1) Leave Father and Mother…
2) Be united to his wife…
3) Two will become one flesh…
4) God joins together… (let man not separate)

“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united (kollao) to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined (suzeugnumi) together let no man separate.” Matthew 19:5-6

Kollao
1) To glue, to glue together, cement, fasten together
2) To join or fasten firmly together
3) To join oneself to, cleave to

Suzeugnumi
1)To fasten to one yoke, yoke together
2) To join together
a) of the marriage tie




Notice that ‘be united’ is a separate thought from ‘become one flesh’.

Notice that the word ‘Kollao’ implies a personal choice where as ‘Suzeugnumi’ is something that is done to you.

“Do you not know that he who unites (kollao) himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said “The two will become one flesh”. 1 Corinth 6:16

Notice that having sex with a prostitute does not make you married. Therefore sexual relations alone do not create a marriage.

“But he who unites (kollao) himself with the Lord is one with him in spirit.” 1 Cor 6:17

Notice that the same word (kollao) is also used here. This implies that you can choose to unite yourself in spirit. So marriage is ¾ about choice. Choose to leave father and mother. Choose to unite yourself with spouse in life and spirit. Choose to unite yourself with spouse in body. The 4th part of marriage is God choosing to join you together. In truth marriage is 100% about choice. Your choice and God’s.

Sub-theory: None of the first three by themselves makes it a marriage. Leaving your father and mother does not make you married. Being united in life or spirit alone does not make a marriage. Physically uniting yourself with another does not make it a marriage. And even if a person meets the first three criteria and becomes married it still doesn’t meet the fourth criteria. A Godly marriage must have God’s approval. Only God can chose to join the couple together to his purpose.

“For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the savior.” Eph 5:23

“This is a profound mystery – but I am talking about Christ and the church.”
Eph 5:32

Notice that by this analogy it would mean that Christ is married to the Church. So lets take a quick look to see if his life meets the criteria from above.

1) Leave father and mother
A husband leaves behind his parents and family.
Christ left the Father and Heaven to be with mankind and the church.

2) Be united (kollao) to his wife.
A husband joins his life, goals, dreams, welfare, spirit and everything to his wife’s.

Christ united himself to mankind. He took responsibility for
mankind and opened the gates of Heaven for all eternity.

3) Become one flesh

A husband/wife have sex.
Christ actually became human. It doesn’t get any more intimate than that.

4) What God has joined.

Christ was joined (suzeugnumi) to his God given and approved purpose at his baptism. Until that point he was united (kollao) with mankind and the church but God had not yet yoked him together with the church in pursuit of a common goal. His baptism consisted of:
1) a public ceremony
2) by one of God’s representatives
3) the point where the Holy Spirit became part of Christ marriage to the church. It was the point where his ministry to the church gained focus and direction.

A husband is joined (suzeugnumi) to his wife at the ceremony. The ceremony is :
1) a public ceremony
2) performed by one of God’s representatives
3) the point where the Holy Spirit becomes part of the marriage. The point where the Spirit becomes an active guiding force in the marriage. Not just a guiding spirit in two separate lives but guiding the marriage as one life. (assumeing that both husband and wife were already saved Christians.)


“As soon as Jesus was baptized he went up out of the water. At that moment heaven was opened and he saw the spirit of God descending like a dove and lighting on him. And a voice from heaven said ‘this is my son, whom I love, with him I am well pleased.’” Matthew 3:16