Remember Well

Remember Well

The school looked much different from the photo. Not only was it older, but it was also bigger than what Tarl had imagined. When Tarl first looked at the photo, she thought that the school was only one building with a big green tree in front of it and that was it. However, she was standing in front of the three buildings. There were cracks everywhere on the buildings, the metal gate in front was rusty, and there were vines crawling on almost every where on the walls. The tree was now pale brown and there were no leaves on its branches. It was in the middle of December. The gray clouds and dull sky made the sight of the school gloomier. The taxi driver did not exaggerate it when he told me that this place was abandoned, Tarl thought.

Tarl adjusted her black hair which was tied up. Her hair was as black as ink and as shiny as onyx. After she finished adjusting her hair, she then took a letter out of her brown leather backpack, and started to read it.

Dear Tarl,

This is the picture Miss Rawanda took for us. You are gorgeous in the picture! I know you are. I asked Miss Rawanda to make two copies, one for me and one for you. I’ll treasure this picture for the rest of my life, and I know that you will do the same thing.

With ever lasting love,

Your Best friend, Linda

Tarl stared at the letter, as if she expected something more. She could not recall attending Saint Joseph all-girl boarding school, nor would she recall having a friend named Linda. But she could not deny the evidence in her hand. Tarl turned to look at the photo. There was a girl with brown hair. Her face was pale, but it was beautiful like a little angel. Her eyes were big and round. Despite her unhealthy look, her eyes were cheerful like the sun. And next to her was a girl with black hair. Tarl turned the picture over. My dearest Tarl and I. Saint Joseph School, June 1997, were written on it.

That was nine years ago, Tarl though. The girl was confused. She could not believe that she forgot about her best friend, and about the school that she attended. She was sure that she did not study here when she was ten. However, that was not the only letter. There were more, a lot more. If Tarl had not come back to visit her grandmother at Tippawan Village for her Christmas break, she would not find all these letters. They were kept in a storage room, and Tarl accidentally found it when she helped her grandmother cleaned the room. Tarl did not tell her grandmother about the letters, for she thought that there must be a reason her grandmother tried to keep it away from her. However, the night before, at the dinner table, the girl decided to ask.

“Granny, have you ever heard of Saint Joseph School?” Tarl asked.

There was a long pause between Tarl and her grandmother.

“I don’t know any boarding school like that before, dear.” Her grandmother answered. Tarl knew that she lied, for Tarl had never said that it was a boarding school. Seeing that her grandmother tried to hide something from her, Tarl did not say another word about that school again. That night, Tarl read all the letters. And when she finished reading all of them, she read it again. The process went on and on. The more she read the letters, the more questions she had in her mind. But no matter how many times Tarl repeated this process; she found no answers to her questions.

And that was why she was here, at the abandoned school, far from the community, amid the cold wind of December. Tarl believed that by visiting this place, it would bring back her memory. Tarl put her arms around herself, thanking her grandmother for reminding her to wear this blue checked sweater. She felt guilty at lying to her grandmother about coming here. The wind not only brought a chilling cold, but it also shook the rusty metal gate, making it groan creepily.

When Tarl turned to look at the gate, she could see a little girl behind the gate. The girl stood turning her back to Tarl. Thinking that it was strange for a girl to come here, Tarl decided to call out to her.

“Hey girl! What are you doing out here?” Tarl shouted.

The girl turned around, and Tarl was stunned. It was not the white t-shirt that the girl wore that surprised her. It was not the brown shorts that the girl wore that surprised her. But it was the mask that the girl wore. The mask was white, and it looked like a face of a crying person. The colors of its tears were dark brown red - like dried blood. Tarl felt a sharp pain in her head as the girl turned around and ran away into the school, leaving Tarl in front of the gate all alone. Tarl stood in silence, for this was not the first time she saw this girl and the mask, and this was not the first time she experienced this pain. The girl and the mask were in her dream on the night that she found the letters. And the pain was the exact same one that she had this morning after the night she had the eerie dream. Tarl told her grandmother about the headache, and also told her that today she would go to see a doctor. But Tarl was as healthy as a nineteen-year-old girl could be. She knew that her headache was somehow connected to the letters, to this school, and to Linda.

The pain and the girl made Tarl more confidenct about this place. She was sure that she would learn something – or maybe everything – about her lost memory. With that thought, Tarl pushed the metal gate and entered the front yard of the school. As she entered the main gate, she could see two girls standing in front of the school door. Tarl looked closer and gasped. Those two girls were the girls in the photo. They were ten-years-old Tarl and Linda.

Why are you crying little girl?

Daddy and mommy left me! I don’t want to be here. I have no friends here.

I want to go back to see my old friends and my daddy and mommy!

Oh don’t cry. I can be your friend! Forget about your parents. What’s your name?

I’m Tarl. Would you be my friend? Really?

And when Linda put her arms around little Tarl, they disappeared. Tarl’s jaw dropped. Tarl knew from her psychology class that a human’s memory was one of the most mysterious things in the world, but she did not expect to experience it herself. Tarl was astonished to find her memory so strong and that it could create a vision. Thinking that there was no use standing out here all day, she entered the school.

The main hall was much colder than outside. Tarl could see spider webs on the ceiling. There were tables and chairs scattered around. All of them were covered in a thick layer of dust. As Tarl walked toward the center of the room, she could hear the voice from the past in her head.

Oh Linda, I just dropped the ice cream! Miss Rawanda will yell at me if she sees this! ... Don’t worry, Tarl. I’ll help you clean it up.

Tarl glanced at the floor and there was nothing but ants. She covered her mouth with both of her hands and walked to the light switch. She turned it on. There was a click, but there was still darkness in the main hall. This place really was abandoned, and so was my memory, Tarl thought. Then she felt another sharp pain. That was when she saw the girl with the crying mask running up the stair. After the pain was gone, Tarl ascended the stair, following the mysterious girl.

Tarl, I want to show you something. Come to see me at the Art room this evening, okay?

She heard Linda’s voice inside her head again. The voice was soft and gentle. So gentle that Tarl could not believe that she had forgotten it. Tarl walked along the hallway. There were signs on the classrooms, telling what rooms they were. But the letters on the sign were faded and some of the signs themselves were broken. The dim light shone through the windows, helping Tarl to see the letters cleary. And when the girl found the Art room, she entered it. There were paintings of children stuck on the wall. Crayon drawing of airplanes, watercolor rainbows. Tarl looked at them one by one, and eventually stopped at the one that was a painting of red roses. The painting was so old that its color was now pale yellowish, just like the others, yet it was still beautiful. Tarl reached out her hand to touch the painting, and she felt the pain again. Upon hearing the voice behind her, Tarl turned around.

Here Tarl, I drew this, just for you.

It’s so cool! Linda, did you draw this for me?

Of course, Tarl. You are my best friend, and I love you so much. Don’t you know the meaning of the red roses? It means everlasting love. Like the prince and the princess in the fairy tales that we read together.

And the vision disappeared. Tarl turned around slowly to touch the painting again. But this time there were tears streaming down her cheek. You were so nice to me, how did I forget about you, Linda? , Tarl thought. She wiped her tears, and walked out the Art room door. The crying mask girl was waiting for her in the hallway. Tarl’s sharp pain had turn into a nagging pain. She looked at the girl as if to ask where the girl would lead her to. An eerie silence fell upon the scene. The girl looked away, and ran away into the empty corridor. Tarl ran after the masked girl and descended the stair. While Tarl was following the mysterious girl, she recognized the places that she had passed by, and they slowly brought back her memory of Linda. When Tarl walked pass the library, she recalled that Linda and her read a lot of books together. And Linda would be the one who helped Tarl, when there were words she could not read. When Tarl walked pass the music room, she recalled teaching Linda how to play Khim. It was the only thing she was better than Linda. And when Tarl saw the open space, she recalled that Linda and her were playing and chasing each other. Upon seeing the three-storied building in fron of her, Tarl realized that the mysterious girl had led her to the school dormitory.

The pain in her head was now lessened as the mysterious girl disappeared into the dormitory. Tarl felt tired from running. She decided to take a rest and sat down on the bench near the dormitory. Then she heard the voices in her head. One was cheerful, another was gloom.

Where are you gonna go this Christmas break, Linda? Would your parents come to pick you up?

No, Tarl. My mom decide to leave me here and go to somewhere with someone that I do not care. It’d be too much work to remember all the men she goes out with since my dad has died.

So you are going to stay here? Aren’t you lonely? Most of our friends will be celebrating Christmas at their house.

I’m afraid I’ll be celebrating Christmas here with Miss Rawanda, Tarl.

I will be here with you, Linda. So you won’t be lonely. My mommy and daddy are in China right now. And I don’t have to go to my grandma’s if I don’t want to.

Tarl, you are so nice. I love you so much. I’m not like mom, you know? I’ll only have you, and you’ll only have me too.

The voices were interrupted by a meowing sound. Tarl looked at her legs and found a cat walking around her left leg. Tarl smiled, and pet the cat affectionately. As she continued to pet the cat, she heard the voices in her head again. And she remembered that it was on a clear day, at this bench.

Linda! Looked what I found! Isn’t he the cutest kitty you’ve ever seen? I’ll call him Pete, what do you think?

Tarl, it’s a stray cat. You might get hurt or get sick.

Oh, come on, Linda! Don’t you see how cute he is?

Put him away. Aren’t we going to finish that book we read at the library today?

Well, let’s make that tomorrow then. I want to play with Pete today.

And the voices started to fade away. However, in Tarl’s head, she could see Linda opening her mouth as if to say something, and then walked away. Tarl covered her head with both of her hands. She had another headache, and saw the mysterious girl at the dormitory door. The girl was waving to her, as if she wanted Tarl to go inside the dormitory. Tarl stood up, and entered the three storied building that was located in front of her.

The windows were broken. The dim light that shone through them allowed Tarl to see the dust flying around the dormitory.

Don’t forget to come to my room this evening, Tarl. I have a Christmas gift for you. You haven’t forgotten which room is mine, have you?

Of course, Linda. I remember it. 117, right? I found your letter in front of my room, like always. But don’t they give Christmas gifts at night?

Oh Tarl, I just can’t wait to give you this. Just come to my room, ok?

Tarl heard Linda’s voice in her head. She walked along the first floor corridor to find the room number 117. Eventually Tarl found the room, and slowly she opened the door. There were two beds in the room. One of them was covered with a red blanket. And there were paintings of red roses stuck on the wall everywhere. Tarl walked toward the center of the room, and had another headache.

Tarl, we haven’t been playing with each other lately, don’t you think?

Well, Linda. I asked you to come and play with me and Pete so many times, you know? Are you afraid of cats?

I am not like my mother, Tarl! I care about only one person and that person is you. But you, you left me for that stupid little kitten.

Linda, what’s wrong with you?

Nothing! But there is something wrong with you, Tarl. And that’s why I made you this.

Tarl’s mouth was wide opened in shock, for the mask that Linda was holding was the exact same mask that the mysterious girl wore. Linda’s fingers were covered with bandages here and there.

I’ll call it, the mask of remorse. Wear it! You see the red color? It’s my blood! Wear it and swear that you’ll love me and only me!

There were sounds of screams and laughters. And silence fell up on them when Tarl heard the sound of little Tarl giving Linda a slap on her cheek. Tarl could see the ugly mask flying, hitting the floor and sliding deep under the bed. There were tears on little Tarl’s eyes. Linda’s mouth tightened into a thin angry line.

That’s it! You leave me no choice, Tarl. Say goodbye to Pete!!

Wait, Linda! What are you gonna do?

The voices faded away, and so did the vision. Tarl was trembling with fear. She knelt down on the dusty floor and gazed into the space that there used to be the vision. Tarl then crawled across the floor, and reached her hand under the red blanket bed. She found something, and picked it up. And when her eyes landed on the white mask with the dried blood she found, she could not stop her body from shaking. Tarl tried to pull herself together, and stood up. Part of her trousers and her hands were black with dirt, but she did not care. The pain grew stronger, but she did not care. Tarl turned around to the door, and saw the mysterious girl standing there. The girl ran out of the dormitory. Choking back tears, Tarl stood up and followed the girl at full speed.

Eventually the mysterious girl stopped at the well. Its opening was covered with pieces of wood. The girl in the crying masked stood still and pointed at the well. Tarl shook her head and started to cry. The girl was indifferent. Her index finger still pointed at the well. Tarl could not control herself but to walk slowly toward the well. She grabbed the first piece of wood with both of her hands, and pulled it off.

Seems like Mr. Pete wants to take a bath, don’t you think, Tarl?

Linda, you’re going to kill him if you drop him in to the well!

Well, Tarl, I’ve read that cats survive falling from the tall tree. I just want to know if they can survive the well too.

Tarl grabbed the second piece of wood, and pulled it off. The headache was getting stronger and stronger, but she could not stop herself from what she was doing.

You are just like my mom, Tarl. But I can change that. Without this furry friend of yours, things would be the same again. We would always be together.

No, Linda. You’re crazy! Leave the cat alone!

Little Tarl screamed, as she charged toward Linda. The screaming sound caused Tarl to jump out of her skin. The children were fighting against each other.

The cat was eventually freed from Linda’s hand. But the fighting continued, as Linda screamed in anger.

Tarl grabbed the final pieces of wood, and pulled it off.

Let him go! Let him go, Linda!

You let that monster runs away? Tarl! How dare you? Ah!

Linda! No!

Tarl could see that Linda’s body hitting the edge of the well. Losing her balance, Linda flew toward the center of the well. Linda reached out and grabbed the edge of the well with her bandaged hand. Linda’s body was shaking, and so was her hand. Tarl knew that it was not from the cold wind of December, but it was fear. The fear of being dragged down into the abyss. Trembling with fear, little Tarl walked toward the opening of the well.

Help me, Tarl. Help me…

Linda’s voice became as gentle as the first time Tarl heard her. Tarl did not know whether the vision of Linda was looking into her eyes or into little Tarl’s eyes. Tarl could see that little Tarl was trembling with fear. She was in flood of tear. But Linda was smiling. Tarl never thought that she would see such a thing in this situation. Linda’s smile was so peaceful, yet it gave her a shiver. Blood started to drip down from her bandaged hand. The more she shook, the more she bled. And at the second Linda’s bloody shaken hand slipped from the edge, causing her body to fall down into the darkest end of the well, little Tarl reached out to help Linda.

But she grabbed nothing but thin air.

There was a pause before a loud sickening splash sound shattered the silence.

Little Tarl raised her head up and screamed at the top of her lung. And then she faded away from Tarl’s sight. Tarl was all in tears, looking at the mysterious mask girl who was standing there all along. Upon studying the girl closely, Tarl thought the girl somehow seemed familiar to her.

And then she realized she used to have the exact same clothes that the mysterious masked girl wore. The girl started to take her mask off. And everything went completely dark after Tarl realized that the face beneath the mask was actually little Tarl’s face.



“Tarl, wake up. Are you all right?”

Tarl woke up and looked at the person who was talking to her. It was her grandmother. She looked around and found that they were at the well, behind the dormitory. Tarl covered her head with both of her hands, and realized that the headache was gone. Seeing that her grandmother looked worried, Tarl nodded.

“I’m fine. But how do you know that I’m here?” Tarl asked.

“I couldn’t find the letters in the storage room. So I think that you must be here…to find the truth.” Her grandmother said. There was an awkward pause between two of them.

“You remember everything?” Her grandmother asked. Tarl nodded her head.

“Why didn’t you tell me about this? Why did no one tell me about this?” Tarl, asked.

“You were shaken up badly from what happened, dear. The psychiatrist said that it’s too much for you to handle. So your mind just, somehow, erased everything about Linda. As if she doesn’t exist. They said that it’s the psychological system to help you go on with your life.” Her grandmother explained. Her eyes were filled with tears.

“Your parents decided to move you to another school and leave everything about you and this school with me, and I kept it in the storage room. It was so long that I forgot I kept it there…” She continued.

And everything was clear in Tarl’s head. The pieces of her lost memories now fitted together. Tar could recall people crying and shouting when they found her at the well. She remembered parents yelling in front of the school, and other children looking at her as if she was a monster. She could see the picture of people leaving the school in her head. For nine years that she had ran away from the truth.

“Granny, can I ask you something?” Tarl asked.

“Yes, dear?” Her grandmother answered, wiping the tears from her face.

“Would you please take me to see Linda tomorrow?”

Her grandmother smiled.

“You’re stronger, Tarl. You really have grown up, my dear.”

Tarl suddenly burst into tears as her grandmother took Tarl in her arms. The sky was now bright and blue. Tarl did not feel the coldness of December anymore. With the warmth of the sun light that shone on her and the warmth from her grandmother, the nineteen-year-old girl knew that she was one step closer to becoming an adult.