Part 1 - "Those Precious Moments"

This is a true story. I was the last family member to speak with my Grandma before she passed in 1992. She asked me if it was okay for 'her to go home.' Our final moments together were brief, but those precious moments would mark the beginning of my ten-year journey of discovery, to understanding His Purpose for me.

Grandma had a speed-dial relationship with God and His Archangels-- especially Michael, the Angel of Justice. She always told me, "I was a special child of God and would speak up for the people who couldn't speak up for themselves." One night when she told me that, tears welled up in her eyes as she made the sign of the cross on my forehead. I was only about nine years old then. I can still remember hearing the Johnny Carson Show blaring on her black 'n white Zenith console in the background. Grandma must have known all along what I was destined to do in life.

Esther was a small-framed woman, barely standing 5'4" tall. This noble woman's grace, keen insight and unending wisdom, shown through narrow eyes, high cheekbones and a Grand Canyon-like smile. Esther taught children, music and piano lessons for some 40+ years in the small Southern town of Valdosta. In one of those years, Grandma won the honor of Georgia's Teacher of the Year. She and her siblings-- Allan, Naomi, James Emory, Ruth and Joseph, learned extraordinary lessons in courage and faith, early on in life. To my sisters and me she was known as Mame. By her closest friends, she was called Queen Esther-- a peaceful radical. A woman born generations ahead of her time, such that, 'the Queen' might upstage any King Xerxes! So, back on that memorable night in April, I was humbled beyond words, when my Grandma asked ME for permission to make Heaven her next home.

Visiting hours were long over. The time had come for our nightly return trip home to Tallahassee. My younger sister DeNise, Mother and Dad had already left the hospital room, to take most of Mame's floral arrangements to the car. But, for some strange reason, I remained in Grandma's room, rather than leaving with my family. At the time, Grandma was being fed ample doses of morphine thru an I.V. in her left hand. When alert, she'd frequently challenge the transparent feeding tubes and yank disgustingly on them. Grandma's coloring remained strong but her body weight looked less than 100 pounds. Stomach cancer was taking her quickly. The night before, my sister's non-verbal words, confirmed that she also knew, the time was near. However, tonight, alone together-- my dear Grandmother and I were about to embrace gifted moments of personal transformation granted by God.

Sitting in a chair near the foot of Mame's bed, I was navigating the remaining floral arrangements yet to be carried out to our car. I remember thinking... how in the world will I carry all of these flowers by myself? So I decided, Mame would simply have to look at these beautiful flowers again tomorrow.

As I began to reach for my sweater, I heard a vigorous rustling sound nearby. I looked around and was shocked to see Grandma sitting straight up on her bed-- like she'd been called to military attention! Grandma was vibrant and summoned me to come closer, by confidently patting the vintage mattress with her right hand. In a gentle, yet authoritative voice, that was not her own, Grandma mocked through lips that did not move, "Come here baby." I was somewhat afraid but excited at the same time, to see she was (finally) responding to her most recent surgery. Little did I realize, God had just entered the room and He was speaking through Grandma.

Timidly, I approached the foot of her bed. With my own Grand Canyon-like smile, I asked, "You're feeling better already?" Grandma interrupted, "Take my hand baby." Her warm, soft skin was overshadowed by a firm grasp that pulled me to her side. I remember telling her, "Save your stength Mame," as I coaxed her to lay back. She did as I asked and again, patted the mattress with her tiny hand. Although her soft nature had returned, her eyes were both humble and desperately feisty. "I can't make it anymore - I'm tired," whispered Grandma. In an instant, I realized what was happening. Oh no, not now God... not now!!! My heart skipped three thousand beats! I grabbed Mame's entire arm and pulled her to me, as if to keep her here on earth. Panicked by the inevitable, I fought back the tears and this big ole' lump in my throat made it difficult for me to say, "No Mame, we're going home to get some sleep and we'll be right back again tomorrow." A flood of emotions began to wash over me. I knew this would be the night!

Thousands of Grandma images and of unsaid conversations danced in my head. Through heavy gasps for air, I choked on the words, "God, please don't take her yet. Let me have her just one more day! Grandma I love you, I love you." My voice trailed to a faint whisper, "I love you"... and I buried my face in her chest.

In the deep quiet of the moment, I heard Grandma's weakening voice say, "There's no need for you to come back tomorrow. I can't make it. Can I go home?" Grandma's eyes rolled to the back of her head as she called out to her sisters already in Heaven... "Ruth, Nae Nae is that you?" I realized she was beginning to make her transition and was seeking permission from me to 'let go.' In awe of such a revelation, I was even more amazed that God was allowing me to traverse in the world.

An imposing yet warm and calm presence made Grandma's hospital room feel as though it was wrapped in a silky cocoon, engulfed by a tropical island breeze. Surely I would have floated away had I not been clutching her arm so tightly. Overwhelmed by and unable to totally understand His wondrous power, my body began to tremble with uncertainty. Grandma looked me straight in my tear-soaked eyes, squeezed my hand and reassuringly said, "Baby don't cry. I promise everything will be all right in the morning."

Who would have ever thought what happened next.