Karma Komes Around

London, 1996.

I was a young hottie. I'm not ashamed to say it; London sculpted my body to a fine sinewitude that I had hithertofore thought unimaginable. But, a few months' labouring like an illegal Polish immigrant, and I was soon to learn that my body could, in fact, be hardened, and chiseled like that of the strong Pole. And yes! I was working illegally! but so what!

So there I was, hauling bits of rock that the Romans had pulled over to impress their superiors, me and a bunch of Polish guys, so strong that I was afraid to even brush them....but to my surprise and satisfaction, I discovered that I was just as strong as them! Anyhow....

When the job was finished, it was finished. No more trips into Charing Cross for me, no, I had to find another job to pay my 35 quid a month rent! You may think that that sounds like a small amount....but imagine if you have nothing, then where in the devils' grace are you going to get 35 durned quid, eh?

So I found my way, as we all do, to Camden Town. There I found a job selling shoes for precisely 95 quid a week, no matter how many shoes I'd sold. I don't recommend an existence like this, but if you're young.....ah, well, there's no point in giving advice to the young. I know I didn't take it.

I suppose I skirt around the point, don't I? Okay, Okay....then, to the point. There was a girl that I had met in the youth hostel in South London....a girl from a rare place, the Faroe Islands, and I dare say that none of you have tasted the lips of a Faroe Island girl! Well.....maybe one of you has.....and I don't mean to be exclusive, but she was a superiorly sweet girl.

This matters little to my story of Karma, the taste of her lips. I met her in the Youth Hostel of South London, but it wasn't until we'd both been in England for a while that she started to fancy me. O, yes, she started to invite me to her place....and at the time I was well infatuated with a young lady from Hungary, so it was for naught...

She used to say, knowing my weakness, "O, Ozzy, come to my flat in Elephant and Castle....I have a lot of wine, and I am leaving soon....and I want to seeeeee you"

Well, I am only a man. So, of course, by and by, I went to see this gem of the Faroe Islands. I met her in Camden Town, a place I felt comfortable in, as I was working and living there. I met her at a place called the "World's End", if I remember correctly.

We had a smashing time....we sat and moaned and pissed about how stupid the English were, and all that. And all of the rest of the Europeans, how silly they were!

And then, of course, the inevitable moment caught us, and I went to kiss her, and she went to kiss me, and between us we spilt both of our beers at the same moment. I was very upset, for I do love my drink.

We wiped ourselves off, and tried to figure out what we should do. Naturally, being young and boisterous, we decided that she should come to my place. And so there we went.

Only, en route (to use the French term) I believe I went to the Dark Side of the Moon. I swear to all who are honest, I have a big blank spot. My memories are thus: I awoke to find her laying beside me, and I told her how wonderful it was to feel her naked leg upon my body.

My next memory came in the morning. She was standing over me as I awoke, and she looked very put out.

"You bastard!!!!!" she said.

I rubbed my eyes and reached for my packet of Golden Virginia. I rubbed my face, and tried to remember how on earth I had got to this position, I recognised the girl, named V, and pulled myself together.

"Can I borrow a couple pounds?", I asked her.

"You pissed on me!!"

You wot?

"You pissed on me!!! I was going to kick you in the balls to wake you up!!!"

Suddenly, reality slides over your face like suds over a windshield being washed, and the head pops up,

"Uh....well, I'm glad you didn't kick me.....listen...........I....I'm sorry....."

"You bastard!!!" She yelled, and disappeared.

That is Part One of the Karma Story, My Bad Move. Part Two will show how Karma really works, and how it was repayed unto me. (and I won't leave you hangin'...I'll write it tomorrow or the next day"

Don't you hold your breath!