The Wiseman

(1st Place WinnerTheDialogue 500 contest)
Prompt: You have climbed a treacherous mountain to confront the 'so-called' wisest man in the world. What will you ask him...and what does he tell you?

“Welcome, my son. Kneel before me.”

“Thank you…sir? Your honor?”

“You may call me Bob.”

“Huh, not what I expected, but easy enough. Hello Bob.”

“And you are?”

“Right, I am Jack. I have trekked for many a mile. I’ve forged across bountiful plains, swam across the deepest of rivers, and scaled the most menacing of mountains for the opportunity to enlighten myself through your divine wisdom.”

“Why thank you my son, did you write that yourself?”

“Well, I had some extra time. Let’s be honest, the trip here isn’t exactly a sightseers dream. Lotta rocks.”

“Fair enough. And why is it that you’ve made this hard fought journey? What information do you seek? I have time to answer but one question, please be confident in your query.”

“Ok, well…I hate to be all cliché about this, but after constant thought and careful deliberation…”

“Write that along the way as well?”

“You betcha. Anyhow, *ahem* after constant thought and careful deliberation, I’ve decided to inquire on the following subject…”

“Are we there yet?”

“Sorry, my bad.”

“Your what?”

“Ya know, my bad. It means ‘my mistake’ or ‘my fault’. You all don’t get out too much around here, do you?”

“We do not. Though there are rumors they may build a McDonalds at the base of the mountain in the fall. However, back to the article at hand…”

“Right. Ok, here’s my question…What is the meaning of life?”

“Wow, such an unspoiled subject. Meaning of life, hmm, not positive we’ve ever deliberated that topic around here. Hey Phil, anyone ever asked about the meaning of life?”

“Ya know, I gotta be honest here Bob. There’s a bit more sarcasm around here than I expected.”

“My apologies. It’s just that my position can become somewhat redundant at times. No offense to you sir as your question is both fair and with great meaning.”

“That’s better; you guys could maybe benefit from some social skill classes. No offense.”

“None taken. The answer that you seek is…”

“Wait! Let me grab my notebook and pen. You don’t mind if I write this down do you?”

“You may carry our wisdom back to your homeland using whichever vehicle you choose.”

“That means yes, right?”

“That means yes.”

“Ok, ready.”

“The meaning of life is: Drive it like you stole it.”

“Pardon me?”

“Drive it like you stole it.”

“That’s the meaning of life? Drive it like you stole it?”

“Correct. Many people do not realize the absolute importance of NASCAR to the fragile concept that is the ultimate balance of humanity. Plus we just love that Ricky Bobby around here.”

“You’re serious.”

“Very much so, yes. Now, we have many more requests waiting so-”

“All hail the Almighty!” All hail the Almighty!”

“At ease. Sorry about that guys, but when you gotta go…you gotta go. Ok, back to work. Bob bring in my next appointmen- Bob, why are you seated at my throne again? And why’s this guy on his knees?”


Word Count:497