THE SUBSTITUE: 500 Words of Dialog

THE SUBSTITUE

“Today we are going to learn about things that live in the ocean.”

“I don’t like sharks,” Suzy said.

“Sharks are really not as dangerous as most people think. They - -“

“Then how come they bite your leg off,” she interrupted.

“Well they usually don’t. It doesn’t happen very often.”

“Well I think once is too often?” she said.

I decided to change the subject. “Well let’s learn about something smaller then. How about seahorses. Can anyone tell me what a seahorse is?”

David was shaking his hand wildly. “Yes David. Tell us what a seahorse is.”

“My dad says it’s too late to lock the door after the horse is gone. So I guess it’s a horse that got out when someone left the door open. It must have wandered down to the ocean for a swim.”

“Well that’s a good answer, but it’s not quite right. A seahorse is a fish.”

”Then how do you get a saddle on it?” Suzy asked.

My patience was thinning. “You don’t put saddles on them.”

“You mean you ride them bareback. I like to ride my pony bareback”.

“Thank you Suzy, but let’s get back to seahorses. They are very unusual fishes. First, it is the daddy who has the babies.”

“My mom would like that,” said Suzy. “She had her tubes tied because I was the last one she wanted.”

“Thank you Suzy. Now as I said, they are a fish. They breathe through gills and they swim using their fins. Seahorses also form long-term, faithful partnerships. Though they spend time apart, each day at dawn they join in a graceful dance of greeting.”

“Can we do that? Could we dance when we get to school each morning? she said.”

“I don’t think that would be a good idea Suzy.”

“Why not?”

“Well it just wouldn’t,” I said.

“That’s no answer. My mother says kids deserve an answer to their questions. I’m going to tell her you won’t answer my question.”

I felt like I had totally lost control. “Suzy, it wouldn’t be a good idea because it would take up too much time. Now let’s continue. Seahorses live relatively brief lives, from a single year to perhaps four years. Also seahorses can match their color to the places where they live. That makes it hard for potential predators to see them.”

”What’s a predator?” she asked.

“That’s another fish or animal who likes to eat the seahorses.”

“Are they good to eat? I like catfish.”

“No dam it - I mean – no.”

“You swore.”

“I’m sorry. No they are not good to eat.”

“Now what other fish would you like to know about class?” Nothing but silence.

“Why can’t we dance now?” Suzy asked.

I knew I couldn’t win this one. “What the hell. Everybody come up front and join hands.”

“You swore again.”