A Quest for True Love

A Quest for True Love, Purity and Maybe Some Nachos
By Firefly of the Northern Wind (http://writing.com/authors/flicka24)
~
Written in rememberance of my previous loves, and my friend's love that is still going strong. A little jealous, but happy for ya, sista!
~
My First Love: Walker
I was in Kindergarten when I finally realized that I had fallen in love. Well, I should have learned to never tell someone you like someone, especially when you're not "popular" (that means you never bring the crackers for everyone at Snacktime) or they'll play matchmaker for you. You might know this, but I'm just gonna come out and say it.
Matchmaker stinks.
There. I said it. Matchmaker stinks. And I just had to tell Taylor and Brenna that I liked him. And boom. Walker looked at me and ran away. I guess that wasn't a "heart to heart connection".
What the problem is that no one looks into your eyes and can see your intentions. I wait for someone to look into my eyes and I wait for them to see what I really feel. I love it when people try to get past skin color, or appearance, past my pubertized face and everything. I really love it when people do. And that's when (at least my) chemicals reacted for the first time, but they un-reacted when I realized he was moving. I think I cried, but I can't really remember.

My Second Love: Kevin
I remember this kid loud and clear. Back in 2nd grade he was butt ugly! And no lies! But now that I see him today in the 7th grade, he looks...like a guy I could see myself kissing. But let's not get into that. We're saving that for later, when I write about the 7th grade dance.
All he could talk about was aliens, aliens, aliens!!! It was driving me bananas!!! Aliens this, aliens that, aliens exist, they're on Planet Mars, blah, blah, blah, blah, BLAH. Every day he would sit next to me and every day he would talk about some aliens that didn't even exist. Once, ONE time, we got past the alien stuff. We talked about love and how I felt a bit, kind of lifted off the ground and off my feet whenever he was around. He realized I had seen into his soul, (but he never said it, I could just tell, and plus, we were in the 2nd grade! Who says "see into your soul" in the second grade?!) and then the conversation went back into that alien crud.
And then, as soon as some flirty 8-year-old got in the way, he started loving her. Soon they broke up, and I was never one of those "notice me" types...

My Third Love: Evan
I remember him too. This was when my friend Olivia liked some kid named Diego or whatever. Diego was scared of her... So was Evan, he was scared of me too! This was around the third grade, and I wrote a letter to him at my friend Olivia's house, and I actually really felt for him. He just couldn't get past my curly hair (the 1st time) and then my short hair (the 2nd time)
Called myself trying to be noticed. Feh. Well, here's part of my letter to Evan.
'Dear Evan, you are my shining star. I love you so much, and I think you're very cute. I love you.'
That letter never made it past the Mother Express. Mom took one look at it, skimmed the whole page, and ripped it up. I had even sealed it with a kiss!
The kid hated me anyway, so it didn't matter. He didn't take one moment out of his day to look into my soul. He just saw the outside. How I wish for the day when skin colour doesn't matter...

My Fourth Love: Shawn
This is very recent, because in fourth and fifth grade, I just gave up on love, since I never found any...
Now Shawn was one who could see into my soul. I was the one who messed up, big time. And I'll admit it. I did mess up, and I did erase the X on the spot of my treasure map.
Shawn didn't care what I looked like. He didn't look at me, and see all that I wasn't (like cool, cute, pretty, hot, blonde, etc. etc. etc.) but actually saw into my soul. He saw that girl that I had always wanted to be, that carefree girl with the long black hair, that looked nothing like me. Truth be told, I wanted to be like everyone else, or "normal", I guess you could say. In the words of my mother, I had cares up to the 'caboohoos' and everyone seemed to notice. One day, since the kid woudn't notice me, (I had so much makeup on, kept batting my eyelashes, and everything, and once I just slinked up to him...just a little fraction of an inch...) I just went out and told him that I liked him. He looked at me with those electric blueish green eyes he has, and smiled.
A BOY?! I thought, Smiling at ME?! That can't be possible! I must be dreaming!
At that moment, I think I actually pinched myself! I couldn't believe it! A boy was saying "I love you too," through his eyes. No boy had actually looked at me with that face, that expression of deep gratitude and love before that.
Sadly, the 2-minute bell to get to Homeroom rang, interrupting our moment. That was one of the best moments I have ever had.
~
It's kind of sad that I've only been on this world twelve years, nine months, twenty-five days, five hours, ten minutes and 40 seconds, and I know the ups and downs of love. I've known them ever since kindergarten. I understand now that I have to let the memories go, so that I can move on. There's no point in lighting a burnt-out match.
And to Walker, Kevin, Evan and Shawn--thank you for making me understand.
~