The Way She Feels Now

The Way She Feels Now

                                                          Old Hull, Quebec. September 21, 2006

I didn't foresee it; we weren't that close:
A passing friendship, nothing more.
He'd just come over to say goodbye,
Keep me company for an hour.

We got to feeling sentimental,
Thinking we'd never meet again;
Shared one too many farewell drinks:
I needn't  tell you what happened then.

I was glad to get home. I was doing great
Until the day the rabbit died.
With school all day, and my job at night,
I couldn't face up to having a child!

"Think of your folks," my best friend said;
"The load will eventually fall on them.
They've raised their own. They live apart.
Not fair to make them start again!"

Mom said it wouldn't be fair to the kid:
A child of mishap, of mixed race.
"Imagine having to grow up like that,
In these times, in this place!"

I already knew how Dad would respond.
He'd told an anxious woman I knew,
"Just drop the infant into my arms;
And let me worry, instead of you."

She refused the offer, naturally.
What would he do with a child, poor guy?
Be far too painful, anyway.
So I didn't tell him. How could I ?

Mom was great! So understanding!
Really helpful, I thought, at the time.
She booked the appointment, gave me support,
Helped me do what we knew was right.

Years have passed; and now I've come
To feel they abandoned me, left me alone.
No one said, "You're a  sensitive woman:
Some day you'll regret that this was done."

Well, now that it's all too late, I do.
Somehow it could have been managed, you see?
It's only now that I realize
That nobody gave a damn about me!