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1st act of play. Based on real people (my friends) and almost real situations. |
May Cause Hallucinations A play in three acts ACT I SCENE 1 (A nearly empty room. There is A window and a front door. Black And red are sitting together. All Lights are out.) RED Mmm... Mmm!! BLACK Did you like it Red? RED Oh yeah I did! BLACK I really enjoyed it too. (The lights come back on, blinking slightly. Red and Black are sitting together, Red holding And empty plate in her hand.) RED Oh! Light came back! Great, now I can use the microwave. BLACK That was a great piece of cake wasn’t it? Gus made it for me! RED How is Gus? I haven’t seen him in such a long time! BLACK He’s been a little down lately... Ever since they closed down he’s salon he’s been brooding over life. But now I have an excuse to go check out that hottie in my new salon! RED (clicks her tonge disapprovingly) You shouldn’t go around cheating on your boyfriend Black! He’s bound to find out someday babe! BLACK (to himself) Look who’s talking. (Doorbell rings. Black opens door while Red is heating in the microwave. Sis is outside, her makeup smudged from crying but with a wide smile on her face) BLACK Oh dear lord Sis, who did you kill this time? SIS Kill? Why would I kill anyone? I only give them a little help to, you know, die and leave me all their money. BLACK Such a crude woman... So anyways, who was it this time? SIS My new husband. He was 79, had emphysema. Those guys, just a little over-exercise and they go right into cardiac arrest. Pathetic if you ask me. Anyways, he was filthy rich and with no children so I inherited everything. BLACK So you got all his money. SIS Uh-huh. BLACK But how can you do something like that to an old man?! SIS Dunno. Comes natural I guess. BLACK No! I meant-- Gosh—Red how long has she being doing things like these?! RED Whole life probably (Doorbell rings again. Black goes to the door and opens it. Drake enters, a tequila bottle in one hand and a cigarette in the other.) Did you at least have fun while doing it? SIS Oh yeah DRAKE OK! I’m finally here guys, the party is officially starting RED Calm down, Mr. I’m-the-center-of-the-world, no one else is here yet. DRAKE (To himself) Bitch. RED (To Drake) Freakin’ Homo. DRAKE (With pitchy voice) I am NOT gay! BLACK (To Sis) He so is. SIS Uh-huh. (All sit down while Red pours them drinks. Doorbell rings again. This time Red opens the door. Panda enters holding three alcohol bottles and a pack of cigarettes) PANDA Hey girl! I brought the— RED Go away. (Slams the door shut, leaving Panda outside.) SIS She was carrying three bottles. DRAKE And cigarettes. Bring her back now. RED You have a point. HEY PANDA! PANDA! COME BACK! (opens the door and sticks her head out) PANDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! (Enter Panda) Sorry girl, sit down. (Doorbell rings again) BLACK (shouting) Can’t you people come in a group so I don’t have to stand up seventeen times?!(Enter Digital) Sit down will you?! (To Digital) Damn Digital... (Doorbell rings just again just as Black closes the door. Annoyed he opens it again. Enter Jim.) DRAKE JIM WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO YOU?! JIM Oh, I’m going through a very complicated plastic surgery. DRAKE What, are you trying to be like Michael Jackson? You’ve got... white patches of skin all over you! JIM As a matter I am, yes. RED You can’t seriously be trying to become white. JIM Yes, I am! I am also getting lipo, a rhinoplasty and cheek implants. DRAKE (Whisper to Red) Do you have any idea what this means?! RED (Whisper to Drake) Yeah... We won’t be able to call him black anymore... DRAKE Hey, do you think it was our fault? You know... since we made fun of him all the time... RED Nah. SCENE 2 (Lights come back on, and all of them are scattered around the room, drunk) RED (To Drake) Dude, Panda’s bottles are all empty. DRAKE I realized that. Kick her out. RED Sure thing! (To Panda) Panda get out now! PANDA But—What are you talking about? RED Just leave! (Panda stands up and turns to leave, trips, then turns to look at everyone) PANDA You know what, screw you guys! (Panda turns to the door, crashes into a wall, then exits.) SIS She’s got issues ALL No shit. SCENE 3 BLACK I’m not feeling well... RED Absolutely no one is. DRAKE (obviously drunk) I love you Red!! RED I think you mean Black. DRAKE I love you too Black!! BLACK So sorry, I’m taken. DRAKE Sis!! I love you so— SIS You touch me and you will never see light again. PANDA Oh Drake, don’t worry, I love you! DRAKE (suddenly coming back to his senses) Eww please don’t Panda! Wait, how the hell did you get in here?! PANDA Oh, that guy helped me in. RED What guy? PANDA That guy! (All turn to look at Peter Pan, who is smoking something that does not look like a cigarette.) PETER PAN Yo. SIS (climbs on a couch) How the hell did he get in here?! PETER PAN We flew man... This stuff can make you do anything. Yeah. DIGITAL Wow... He’s so... so... (mumbles unintelligibly) DRAKE What the hell did Digital just say? BLACK (shouting) WHAT IS THAT MAN SMOKING? PUT IT OUT BEFORE THE FREAKIN’ POLICE COMES HERE! RED (to Sis) Is that man really dressed up in a Peter Pan suit? SIS Oh yeah. |