The License Plate

The License Plate

I was cruising down the freeway today, on my way home from work. A car passed me on the left, and I noticed that the license plate was from out of state, and it said “THE KEN”. I thought this interesting, and began to wonder about it. What is the story behind the license plate named “THE KEN”?

The first possibility I considered was that the owner of the car was named Ken. The friends of this fellow would not refer to him as Ken, though, but as The Ken. I found this thought amusing. Just imagine the following conversation at a movie theater waiting for the movie to begin:

Barbie: Hi, is The Ken here with you?

Bob: Yes, but The Ken isn’t here at the moment.

Barbie: I can see that, where is The Ken?

Bob: The Ken went to The Can.

Barbie: Oh. When he gets back tell him I’m up front and want to talk to him, will you?

Bob: Sure.

Barbie: Thanks, The Bob.

Bob: You’re welcome, The Barbie.


But then, there are many possible explanations for a license plate named “THE KEN”. Perhaps the owner of the car was part of a group which included several guys named Ken. This particular Ken was resentful of having to share his wonderful name with inferiors to himself. Even if they also were Ken, he himself was “THE KEN” (pronounced “THEE KEN”). Egotistical maybe, but it does have a biblical ring to it.

Or maybe the owner of this car wasn’t Ken at all. Maybe the owner was the ex-wife of a lying, cheating, good for nothing, low life, scum of the earth, tight wad, bad breathed, loser who couldn’t dance, named Ken. Perhaps one of the things she got in the divorce settlement was a 29 year old Ford Pinto, that she didn’t really want because it was a piece of junk, but it had sentimental value to her ex, so she didn’t want him to have it. And since it was rusted out, completely unreliable, leaked profusely, and it stunk, well, it was only natural to name it after Ken, the slob she took it away from. There was a mouse that lived under the seat of this car, and she named it Ken, too. And there were other things she named after him. The garbage cans were all named Ken. And the toilet, and, oh yes, the objects that she herself deposited into the toilet. As she flushed the toilet she would watch it swirl away, and she would wave and say, “goodbye, Ken”.

Boy, there sure is a lot you can learn from reading license plates, isn't there?