The Blue Sky Surrounds Me

The blue sky surrounds me like a perfect dome…the world is safe, even when I’m not home. My sapphire hair blows in the wind like hay did when I was a kid; God I wish I lived my memories. The longing heart in my steep chest is pounding like a steady drum from the anxiety of being caught naked out in public…adrenaline never felt so good until I understood life doesn’t last.

My body is thin like a starving soul, yet I’m calm as ever. Hunger isn’t that bad once the pains go away. My eyes are red from lack of sleep—I don’t want to waste any minute of my life doing NOTHING. Hands are shaking and squeezed in one is the needle that started it all and about to end it all…slowly killing myself…

Life is worth more then just a pain.


CHAPTER 1


I run through the heart-felt woods. Thorns and leaves scratch at me, but all I could feel was the warmth of blood tingling down my numb skin. My life still dangles on a thin fish line…I’m the fish, trying to jerk away…but the needle…it plays tug-a-war with me. It has been for the past ten years.

When I was sixteen, I was a cool kid. Everyone got along with me—accept for teachers…and definitely the principle. I was a bad kid. That was why I had so much friends—when you’re a teenager, bad equals good, and soon when you get that equation down you won’t understand what is bad and what is good. It’s a bad habit to get into.

My sixteenth birthday party I had a small get-together with my closest friends. It was the greatest night of my life. We got so trashed we could barely walk without tripping. The weed was amazing that night… And that night was when I met the needle—the thing that now has me trapped in a cage…it controls me.

The needle was nice to me when I first met it, but the more I visited the more it grew colder and colder, leading me to drug counseling and prison. It was the worst thing ever. My parents were right. Once you stick the needle in your skin, you’re screwed for life.

All I wanted was to be loved.

Now I’m still tugging on this line…


CHAPTER 2


My room’s cold tonight. The coughing is killing me, and I’m shaking all over… The needle on my dresser shouts at me, but I ignore it, and I picked up the phone and called Emily, the only girl who understands and deals with my pains.

“Are you okay?” she asked when she heard my shaking voice.

“No… The needle… I can’t… I don’t know what to do… Please…please help me…it hurts,” I try to explain, but on the other line she was silent.

“I’m coming to your apartment—“

“No!” I shout, “Please…I don’t want you to see me like this.”

“You need help. Its okay, I’ve probably seen you worse… I’ll be there in five minutes, okay?”

I hung up the phone. I couldn’t tell her no; she was helping me…maybe it’s a good idea for her to come… I’m in so much pain, though, I might hurt her. I love her so much, and she doesn’t even know…

There was a knock on the door.

I open it, collapsing in her arms and coughing up a storm. She carries my skeletal body to my bed, laying me there, looking so worried in those hazel eyes, “Seth… You look horrible…”

I forced a smile, “Told you you don’t wanna see me like this.” My voice shook when I talked…I sound so weak…so useless…the needle…oh God, the needle—

“You need to eat something,” she announced, “No offense, but you’re skinnier then shit. Don’t you have money?”

I shook my head, “Not no more…” Geesh, I sound like a low-life. I AM useless. That needle…I need—

“You need money, don’t you?” her eyes shifted to the needle on my dresser. Yes, that’s right…give me the needle…I need the needle— “I don’t know… If you’re going to spend it on drugs I shouldn’t give it to you… Seth, I can’t even TRUST you anymore! Look at you!”

“I know…” all I need is the needle and I’ll be fine, I don’t look that bad, the needle makes me feel better—

Her hand settled on my hollow cheek, a gasp exhaling my mouth…I love it when she touches me. “I’m worried about you, Seth…”

…she worries about me… Maybe I do have a chance with her!

“You don’t know how to take care of yourself… Do you want me to stay here with you for a while?”

I nodded as quick as possible, “That would be perfect—“

“Okay… But you can’t leave,” she walked over to my dresser, picking up the wonderful needle, “and you can’t do this either!” she huffed, throwing it out my window…

“HEY!” I shouted, shooting up from my bed and quickly stumbling to my fall, “Why did you do that!”

“You need to stop, Seth. You look like a skeleton and you can barely even open your eyes,” she studied me on the floor, “Or even walk!” she bent down, lifting me back up onto the bed. “You need to quit it with the drugs and live a NORMAL life—“

“But you didn’t have to—“

“Shhh,” she shushed, her finger on my lip, “Settle down…you need your sleep.”

“Fine,” I groaned, rolling on my side, “but I still don’t understand why you would throw that.”

She rolled her eyes at me.


CHAPTER 3


Chicken noodle soup…is nasty. Especially when you throw it up.

Poor Emily had to clean up after my disgusting mess, but I guess that’s what she gets for trying to get me sober… Wow I sound like an ass hole. Maybe it’s good to stay away from drugs…at least until Emily leaves… WHAT AM I SAYING?!

“How long has it been since you’ve eaten anything?” Emily asked, wincing as she wiped up the rest of my vomit.

“I don’t know,” I thought allowed, “I can’t remember… But really, I guess I shouldn’t eat. It makes me feel worse.”

She smirked, hands on her hips, “So you want to die?”

I shrugged, “Better then this pain.”

“Whatever, Seth,” she said, walking out of the room and throwing away the towels, “It’s your life not mine. I can’t fully change you unless you want to change FOR YOUR OWN GOOD.”

“You’re funny,” I said, sitting up.

“Why do you want to ruin your life?”

“Because there’s nothing else to do except LIVE. I’m probably going to die soon anyways. Once you start this habit, it won’t leave—“

“Unless you get PROFFESSIONAL HELP.”

“I’ve been down that road before,” my heart sunk, “And yeah… It isn’t that pretty, lemme tell you!”

“That’s because you don’t want to quit.”

“…but I do…”

“So what the HELL is going on?!” she snapped, hands on my shoulders and baring me down.

“I—I don’t know…my mind…my mind is all messed up right now, Emily, I don’t know what I want…I’m too confused. I don’t know what I want in life anymore.”

She shook her head, “I’m sorry, Seth… I’m sorry that you’re life is a mess now. I want to help you through this but you need REAL help. This is a serious problem now. I hope you get better,” she reached into her pocket, giving me a hundred dollar bill, “Keep this. Either save it and get a JOB or spend it. I don’t care. It’s your choice, I can’t control it.”


CHAPTER 4


I spent the money. Got some needle.

It’s good.

I feel like I’m in heaven again, and right now I’m just walking through an ugly strip-mall downtown. I can’t help it that the needle is so good…it makes me feel invisible… happy…loved…COOL. Of course I’m cool. I was always cool in high school. I’m still cool and everyone just won’t admit it. I know they’re all just jealous because they want to live “normal” lives and be “happy” but THIS IS THE LIFE. I love my life. I don’t care what Emily says anymore. She doesn’t care about me. She only cares about herself.

Selfish people make it out like they’re not.

End of THAT story.


CHAPTER 5


Wind blowing through my hair, I’m crying, the needle piercing in my skin, sitting at the top of the building. My mind is shouting out NO, but my body says I CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT IT. I’m skinny as ever now. Haven’t eaten worth crap. Too busy buying, selling, doing drugs… My body is weaker then ever. I feel like I’ve been drained from head to toe and life never sucked so bad.

The needle now stuck, a tear drenching my cheek, I stare down at the people who walked passed, not even knowing I was there.

I’m not cool.

I thought I was so cool…and now finally I understand what Emily was saying, what she was trying to give to me that I had rejected so rudely…I finally understand and now it’s too late.

Shutting my eyes, I open my arms wide, standing up on the roof-tops. I fall, smiling, the wind blowing my long hair from my face…falling…

Landing on the ground, I hear people gasping, running for me. I open one eye, trying to see, but it’s only a blur…

“CALL THE AMBULENCE!” someone shouted

Arms came around me and I heard a sob, “Seth… Seth, are you alright?” it was a woman’s voice.

I looked up at her…that auburn hair, those angelic sky-blue eyes… It was Emily weeping over me.

“Seth, please…stay awake…”

My eyes felt heavy…I had to close them.

The blue sky surrounds me, and now I know that I am at total peace…the needle is gone.