Visiting

Visiting

Sally parked amid a courtyard of brick buildings. Each had windows heavily barred with iron mesh. She was unsure of which building was the right one. She’d already lost time driving through a curving warren of roads around the complex. Finally she selected one building and, with a tight, breathless chest, walked up the stairs.
The heavy door was locked, she rang the bell. Inside, she could hear a cacophony of voices and had all she could do not to turn and run. A woman approached the door, and inserted a key from around her neck. The woman, Ruth, by her name badge, smiled and welcomed her as if to her own peaceful home.
“I’m looking for Marie Wright?”
“Oh, you want Travers 3, that’s across the way, see there?”
“Thank you,” said Marie.
“No problem,” said Ruth, and wished Sally a good day.
Sally took a few deep breaths and then walked across the quad to the other building. Knowing her sister was behind this door, her anxiety rose. After the door was unlocked, she found herself in a large room with people milling around, all rather slovenly dressed. There were a few patients asleep on utilitarian couches, some were watching a television that was not quite tuned in to a channel, and some approached Sally to ask for a cigarette. Sally repeatedly apologized that she had none.
The woman she took to be a nurse, this one’s name was Mabel, told Sally rather grouchily to enter an office off to the left. Mabel took a large black notebook down from a shelf and opened it to the page with Marie’s name at the top. “You have to sign in.”
Sally wrote her name and address on the first line of the page. There had been no other visitors.
As she turned towards the door to the main area, there was Marie. Sally smiled nervously. “Can I give you a hug?” she asked. “Yes,” said Marie.
“I’d like to take her out, if that’s okay,” Sally said to Ruth.
“You’ve got two hours. She needs to be back at 2.”
Sally asked Marie if she’d like to go to town. “I’d like that.”
Mabel unlocked the door, and Marie led Sally out and down the steps. Sally was unsure of what to say.
“Do you have a match?” Marie asked, and Sally was glad she had thought to put some in her purse. Sally winced at what Fred would say to cigarette smoke in the car, but she could not say no.
“My car is over here.”
Sally felt strange walking along with her sister -- the long pause in conversation left her feeling desperate and stupid.
“That license plate says I shouldn’t go with you,” Marie told Sally.
“I think it’s okay, we won’t be long.”
A man approached, and Marie raised her voice at him, telling him fiercely that she had no cigarettes to share, though he had not spoken. The man laughed, looked at Sally, and said “that’s okay Marie.”
“Leave us alone!” Marie yelled. Sally smiled at the man and gave a little shrug.
He smiled back at Marie, and continued along the path.
“This is a nice car.”
“Thanks, I think so, it has the room we need for the three boys, although at times when I’m by myself I feel rather guilty about it’s being so big. I mean, it is a gas-waster. I’d like to get another smaller car but I’ll have to wait until the boys grow up…”
“Slow down!”
Sally stopped talking abruptly, feeling foolish for her drivel.
But Marie didn’t mean her talking: “You can’t drive this fast!” Sally slowed down, though she was already creeping along.
Sally asked Marie where she would like to go, and Marie replied that she’d like to go to the drugstore.
“Why don’t we get some lunch first?”
“Ok, pizza.”
The hospital was surrounded by comfortable suburbs. In the shopping center parking lot Sally noticed a Mercedes and an Audi. A woman in a fur coat walked along the sidewalk, dress boots sharply striking the concrete. As they entered the pizza place, Sally looked at Marie’s polyester outfit and hopelessly dirty sneakers and felt her cheeks flush.
After ordering, Sally got Marie a soda, diet, caffeine free, and they sat facing each other in a booth. Sally hadn’t a clue what to say. She was determined not to babble on as she had about the car, but the silence was like a huge, threatening fog that enveloped them. Finally she took out some photos and handed them to Marie.
“This one looks like Will!” Marie said, and giggled.
“Yes, Mike does look like his uncle. I think he looks a little like me, too.”
“No, just like Will. How is Will?”
“Um, he’s fine, Laura and the kids are good. I talked with them a couple of weeks ago.”
Sally pointed, “This one is Connor, and this one is Brad.”
“They don’t look like you,” Marie said firmly. “How are Uncle Dave and Aunt Helen?”
“Marie, you know they passed away years ago.”
Marie glared at Sally, “You’re lying!”
Sally was wildly cast around for something to say when the teenage employee brought their pizza. Marie settled in to eat greedily, apparently forgetting the conversation. Sally felt comforted by the greasy cheese, and her sweet Coke. She was content just to eat for a while.
Finally, she felt she had to say something. “Mike had a nightmare the other day. He had to come upstairs to our bed.”
“He should not have a nightmare. Something must be wrong.” Marie
thought about this a bit longer. “Of course, my whole life is a nightmare,” and she broke into laughter. Sally couldn’t help but smile. She pushed the photos towards Marie, “these are for you to keep.”
“I don’t want them.” Sally quietly tucked them back in her purse.
When they were done eating, Sally asked Marie if she would like some new shoes. They headed over to the shoe store. A man approached, asking if he could help them. “No thanks, we’re ok,” said Sally. Sally led Marie to the sneakers. Marie said she wanted Keds. Sally asked the man to retrieve Marie’s size, and they settled down on the bench. Marie removed her old sneakers, revealing her bare feet and incredibly long, hoary toenails. The salesman silently handed Marie a pair of Peds. After trying them on, and looking in the mirror, Marie was satisfied with the plain white canvas sneakers. As Sally paid for them, Marie told her she would pay her back. “That’s okay, really, I’m happy to buy these for you.”
“I have my own money. I don’t want you to pay for them.” Marie said firmly. “I want to go buy some shampoo now.”
They entered the cool, vast pharmacy. Sally felt overwhelmed by the light and the overpowering smells. She wondered how Marie felt. She knew that Marie rarely left the hospital, refusing to join the other patients on outings. Marie, however,
seemed perfectly at home in the store.
They bought shampoo, laundry detergent, and deodorant, Marie choosing the store brands. Sally talked her into getting some Oil of Olay, she felt helpless in the face of her sister’s life and could think of nothing to do but to buy her things.
They drove slowly back to the campus grounds. It wasn’t yet 2, but Marie
opened the door on her side of the car quickly. Sally sought to keep her, to hold onto the moment. “Wouldn’t you like to sit and chat until you have to go in?” Marie said, “No, I need to go back now.” Sally asked her once again for a hug, and they embraced. Sally sat in the car and watched her sister ring the bell, and then disappear inside.
Sally put the car in reverse, turned around, and began the long ride home. The tears slid down her cheeks unchecked.