Self Medicated

Self-Medicated

A story of a tragic childhood that emomotions
were excaped by self-medicating with alcohol
and drugs.

My story is a little different than most. I grew up in the beautiful state of florida. My parents were still together back then and things seemed to be fine in a childes eyes, but I sometimes expected things weren't as perfect as they seemed. My mother and my father were and still are alcholics. I always was aware of the parties and get togethers that they would host in which everybody seemed to be drinking and and having a good time.
Soon after that i started noticing a difference in my parents. They started fighting a lot and my father became abucive with mother.Which scared me so badly that i was afraid to sleep at night i would never sleep at night because that was when the fights would happen i felt responsible for my mothers safty. A few times durring these battles my father pulled a gun on my mother i didn't even know he owned a gun. He would hold the gun to her head and then put in his own mouth. He always said "I would kill you first then the kids and after i knew everyone was dead I am going to kill myself." I believed him because he would be so drunk all the time that I was afraid when he had the gun it would go off even though he didn't mean in. After that statred my mothers drinking increeced to the point where she would buy a twenty-four pack of beer finish that off then go buy more before my father got home. My father was beating my mother on a dayly bacies and i being protective of her would intervien and i would get hit too. One night durruing a huge fight i steped in begged him to stop at the time he was on top of my mother chocking her he got even more mad and punched me at least five or six times in the face. I ran into my bed room and called the police. That night my father was arrested for domestic violence and child abuce.
I started spending a lot of time with my favorite aunt. I would spend every weekend every school break and summers with her. I loved it there I felt safe. Or so i thought she was married to a man who was an illegal immergrat who barly spoke a word o english. He took to me he always wanted to hang out and do fun things together. Which was fun at first then he changed. I remember the first time i was asleep and he came over to see if i was "ok" and he laid down beside me. That was the first day of years of sexual abuce. Not only was my uncle touching me so were his two brothers.
I went back to stay with my mother who was now single. By this time i had two brothers who i was rasing because my mother would be gone for days sometimes weeks at a time. I missed a lot of school but most importatly i missed my childhood.
I took my first drink at the age of 12 it was a beer and i hated the taste but i loved the effect. So i kept drinking. At the age of 13 I smoked marajauna for the first time and that was my second love. Anything that would get rid of the pain. My drinking progresed very rapidly i would drink anything and everthing by this point, but i noticed the alcohol wasn't cutting it anymore so i started expierementing with other drugs. It started with pills. That quickly escalated to cocaine pretty much anything that was mind altering when i was desprate i would take sleeping pills and speed at the same time it had a similar effect.
When i moved out of my mothers house at the age of 17 i was a full blown alcholic and addict. The party was on no responsibilites besides rent and nobody to hold me back. i slowd down on the drugs and increced the drinking being on my own my cocain habit became a little to expencive, but my beer and supper market vodka was just right.
That leval of drinking went on untill i tuned 21 and then i went wild. I spent 90% o f my time in bars, the other 10% was spent working to support my drinking habbit. I was a bar-fly I loved them they felt like home to me. I loved everything about them the people the loud music, pool ,bar games I even loved the intoxicating smell of smoke. The people i was working with became my drinking buddies after we clocked out we would walk about a block to my favorit bar. An other thing i was friends with the bartenders at every bar i went to it helped they always gave me free shots. I was so proud of that i thought my life was perfect.
I ment my now husband my place of work. He was a cool guy he liked to drink too which was perfect. We started going out all time getting hammerd and I thought wow I can relate to this guy. little did i know he was an alcoholic as well. Which made me start drinking more. After a month and half of dating we were married. I started noticing a change in me. I grew very depressed and axcious. My depression grew rappidly and i ended up in the Crisis Center with a mental break-down. the day i was released I went ou to dinner and got drunk. About a month went by of serious drinking blackouts every night, buying bottles of vodka a day I was slowly killing my self. Until on day when i actully tried i took two handfuls of pills freaked out and told my husband.
I ended up back in the Crisis Center this time for attempted sucicide. It was different this time, I followed the program. I want to counseling, a Therapist and, A.A. I loved it for the first time in my life i related to people. I ment a lot of friends durring my stay which made in somewhat barrable. I went to A.A at least once a day sometimes twice a day. I made conections with those speakers I felt like they were telling "my" story. I got better felt good and looked better. It is now a two days out of my "detox" and i feel great. I couldn't have done it alone.
I would like to say thank you to Who ever read my story
maybe now you understand.