Chapter 4 (a whole new beginning)

I wasn’t sure whether I should go in or not.
My Aunt had wanted me out, after all.
Chris urged me in.
He was watching from the corner to make sure I didn’t chicken out.
He was doing me a favour.
Ice had gathered on the chewing gum splattered pavement, frostily gleaming in the silvery light of the moon.
My feet felt numb.
Where were my shoes?
I paused at the small, green garden gate which stood in the centre of a low, red-brick wall.
I took a deep breath.
I didn’t want to go in.
I looked upwards.
The darkness seemed to envelop me.
Draw me in.
I turned.
Away from the gate.
I looked hesitantly at the corner.
Still there.
Silver stars winked at me, steadily.
I wished I could go out there.
I imagined myself soaring, soaring.
Past stars, planets, suns and moons.
I’d be someone then.
I would have seen something then.
And I wouldn’t have to worry.
About anything…
She didn’t want me anyway.
If I disappeared, she wouldn’t care.
No.
Not about me.
I looked at the corner again.
Still there.
No choice.
I turned back towards the gate, opened it, and shakily shuffled across the broken path towards that green, wooden door.
I placed my hand on the brass door knob.
She didn’t want me.
I took another deep breath.
A muted light shone weakly through the blue curtains which hung over the living room window.
She didn’t want me.
But I needed her.
I went inside.
The wooden floor groaned reluctantly as I advanced towards the living room door.
The door was open.
Inside, My Aunt was anxiously pacing up and down the blue carpet, occasionally peeling back the curtains, impatiently.
I watched her for a while, undetected.
She finally turned and saw me.
A look of relief washed over her face.
“Oh, Lee…”
She held out her open arms, and I ran into them.
Her grip was tight, but I didn’t mind.
I rested my head on top of hers.
“I love you Tree.” I whispered.
She pulled me away and I looked down onto her blotchy tearstained face.
“I’m sorry. I dun’t wan’ you out. I din’t mean it. It’s my fault. I shudda looked after ya better.”
I looked back at her, stunned.
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.
“After everything I’ve done, you’re the one apologising??”
I laughed, almost hysterically.
“No. No. I’m the one ‘oo should be sorry. I am, Tree. I really am.”
I meant it.
I smiled, hopefully.
“Am gerrin ‘elp, Tree, I am, I am, It’s all gonna change…It’s gonna change!! Am guin back t’ schuwel, an Am gonna stop evrithin’…It’s gonna change, Tree! It’s all gonna be better!”
My Aunt gave me a sad, cynical smile, and turned away into the kitchen.
She didn’t believe me.
She didn’t think I could.
I slouched upstairs, and threw myself on my bed.
I didn’t bother getting changed.
I didn’t bother turning the light on.
I stared at the dull, dark ceiling, unable to sleep, and thought.
My Aunt didn’t have faith in me.
Who could blame her?
But I would show Chris that he was right to believe in me.
I was going to gain Tree’s trust.
And Gina was going to be my friend again.