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Snapshots and ventings. Welcome to the life of slaving over a ten-month-old boy. |
| The purpose of this blog is to remove the trite thoughts from my head, help me feel better about the things I hold in, and - more importantly - keep me SANE. |
| I was reading a blog about routines, and it got me thinking about my own daily events. I don't mind routine - I am definitely a creature of habit. I find comfort in knowing what's going to happen next, and I hate wondering what's going to happen down the line, say in a year, or maybe five. I like planning things out and making sure I can get things done. The negative side of this, is that it is so easy for me to get into a rut, that it becomes almost impossible to try something new or different. For example, when I became pregnant, I stopped my daily jog and started eating whatever I wanted. Now Cameron's ten months old, and I'm still forty pounds heavier than I was pre-pregnancy. My problem is that now everything I do centers around my boy - my jobs, the time I get to spend with Matthew, my "free" time (even though I can't quite remember what that was like), etc. I can't find a time to work out, because when I do find a half hour to do so, I would rather sleep. On top of that, I've been trying to ween myself off of working at Kohl's, and I request days off constantly. The problem with that is, I'll get three days off in a row, and have to work a bunch of days together - it's like getting hit with a tidal wave after wading around in the surf for hours. The contrast is so harsh that I find myself having a hard time concentrating when I am at work, and I take forever getting my tasks done. I've turned into a clock-watcher, which turns a six hour shift into an entire day affair. One of these days I'll be able to walk out of that store and never have to work there again. One of these days. I will say that one great thing about my routine is that my son found himself a schedule (more or less) when he was about a month old, and just grew into it more and more steadily as the weeks went by. Now, I pretty much know when he's going to be taking a nap, so that I can plan to do certain things during those times. Trust me, I know I'm lucky in that respect, and I feel for all of you mothers out there that have six-month-olds who are just starting to find their routines! Have a great day.... |
| Have you ever wondered when your baby was going to start something new? I was sitting on the floor with my son last night, and he was crawling around, exploring - just doing his thing - and I just couldn't help but sigh. When is he going to start walking? I thought. I know I should simply cherish every single moment, if for nothing else for the fact that he will never be that way again. It seemed like he rolled and rolled for so long, and then all of a sudden he was crawling. Now he's been crawling for so long, and I can't help but wonder when he's finally going to take his first steps on his own. I'll examine him while he's walking along the couch: How is his balance? How adventurous does he seem? It seems like he's been ready to walk for a while now, and it just hasn't clicked in his head yet. I know I should be patient - but come on! Don't any of you parents out there think the same thing? It's hard to be patient when your little one (especially the first) is constantly evolving. You keep wondering what they're going to do next. For a while Cameron was growing and growing, and we felt like we were constantly upgrading his clothing sizes, and then all of a sudden he slowed down. He kicked his feet around, rolled around, and then crawled around, and then he maintained his crawling. The walking will come next. I can't wait. He'll stumble around, with his little legs... he'll fall on his butt a lot, and he'll have a wonderful time with his new ability. What a wonderful time in life:) |
| My writing has been a no-show lately. Case in point being this here blog. My last entry was over a week ago! And my other pieces, man... I spent countless hours on my last manuscript, busting my ass to get it FINISHED, and now with just half of the corrections to complete, I've been putting it off. It's sitting there on my desk, pushed to the side, with a pile of papers I need to file sitting on top of it. It's out of sight, and completely out of mind. I won't blame Cameron for the lack of progress. Editing has never been my favorite thing to do. For some reason my creativity has fizzled out again. I know that I just need to make time for it and it will come back, but it's the act of MAKING THE TIME that has me groaning and turning away. There are so many other things I need to do in a day. Writing should be a priority! I'll be back, I promise. Does anyone else have any suggestions on how to keep the inspiration going or how to keep the daily activities of life from interfering? |
| I am feeling empowered today. I don't feel like I accomplished anything done yesterday, and I had to work both jobs today - but despite all that, I feel GOOD. Our finances are in order, we're NOT moving to Georgia (which we were comtemplating), I finally have a ring on my finger, and now it's time to plan. I would like to plan a wedding, and I would also like to plan on going back to school. I know that with the way things are, my wish to be a stay-at-home mom is pretty much never going to happen. So, dealing with that and finally letting it go, I can embrace the other side, and actually get a job that not only pays the bills, but is something I enjoy. Which means that I have to go back to school so that I can get out of retail. On the wedding front, I know that Matthew doesn't even want a wedding. If he had his way, we would grab a couple witnesses and go down to the courthouse. I've told him that it wouldn't be fair to me, who has never been married before. It's not that I want a large wedding, because I don't. I just want something to mark the occasion with. Is that too much to ask? One last thought before I go: We turned Cameron's carseat to the forward-facing position yesterday. Granted, in Arizona the law states that a child must be a year old, regardless, before that can happen, but he's thirty inches long! He weighs almost twenty-four pounds! His legs couldn't even extend fully. We talked with his doctor, and she said that we did the right thing, that Cameron well surpasses the requirements for the carseat position. It just made me think about how much he is growing. Soon he'll be one year old! I really can't believe it; the time is going by so fast. I keep thinking that I'm going to blink and he'll be in kindergarten. One more, and he'll be a freshman in high school. I suppose that's what having more children is for - to re-live those moments again:) Hehe, we're still having that debate about to have more or not.... I'll win him over, just wait and see. |
| The long weekend is coming to a close, and I must say that tomorrow couldn't come too soon. Three days of Matthew and I just getting to be parents, and not having to worry about work or money or anything else was... blissful. Cameron's sitting in his round-about chair walking around in a circle - whining and whining - and I'm having a hard time blocking him out. It's about time for a nap (I wish for one, too), but not just yet. I saw Over the Hedge, and it was just as good as I thought it would be. My five-year-old niece liked it, but I thought it had too many adult jokes in it. I understand that the movie was trying to cater to both kids and their parents, but it technically IS a kids' film, so that kind of bothered me. Overall, though, it was cute and funny. On the upside of work, money is no longer stressing me out. When Cameron was a newborn, it was all I could think about. The creditors were calling every hour, and we just didn't have any money. For about five months now we've been current on everything, and we are both stable in our jobs, so I am finally resting easy. Of course, now that I'm not worrying about that, the empty Worry space is now filled by the fact that I hate my job and utterly wish that I could be a stay-at-home mom. Now that we have enough money to survive, I wish that we had MORE money so that only one of us had to work:) Go figure. |
| For the first time since Cameron was born, I have four days off in a row. I could hardly believe it when I saw my schedule, and I cannot TELL you how excited I am. For starters, I will actually get to spend three full days with Matthew - I can't remember the last time THAT happened - and we're going to go to the movies, have dinner at my parents' house, and have lots of sex. And not necessarily in that order. I saw The DaVinci Code last weekend, and thought it was a decent movie. Granted I had already read the book, so I knew how it was going to end, but I liked how they brought it all together, and connected the present with the past. Tomorrow we're going to see Over the Hedge with my brother and law and niece. Since I was laughing at the previews, I'm hoping that the movie will be entertaining. You know, I'm not the kind of person who needs a lot from movies. I just want something that will keep me interested, comfortable and happy. I don't want to be freaked out, or squirming, or burying my face in Matthew's shoulder. I want to laugh and relate and have a good time. I'm talking about The Family Stone, RV, and even Fun with Dick and Jane. Matthew, on the other hand, wants to go see Hostel and Saw II and Silent Hill. I can't help it: I shiver at the thought. Diana told me that I'm just turning into a full-blown mother - I'm turning into OUR mother! I swatted her away, and once she was gone I couldn't help but agree. I have my mother's taste in movies now, I have her bedtime, I even catch myself talking like her. I suppose it was inevitable. It's not like my mom's a bad person, or even dorky, it just makes me feel older than I am. And that I don't like - it's weird enough that my own man has ten years on me. I don't need to act older myself. KEEP THE YOUTH! |
| This will have to be short, since I've been on here long enough, but I wanted to get this going:) My son has been sleeping for an hour already, and if I don't go in there and wake him, he will sleep for at least another hour. Not that I mind the peace, but if I allow that, he'll be up long past nine or ten o' clock - which is definitely worse. Cameron is not a chore, but sometimes I will admit that he seems like an inconvenience every now and then. For instance, bringing income into the household becomes an issue (Will not do daycare. Preschool, yes. But that comes later.) Finding a babysitter so that we can go out at night is never a problem (Matthew's mother is always scrambling to take him), it's just during the day. So here I am, working for my own mother so that I can watch Cameron while Matthew is working - and doing these two things at the same time is much harder than I first anticipated. At least I'm getting paid ten dollars an hour to (A) be my mother's secretary, and (B) feed Cameron his lunch and change his diaper. On top of that, I work at a department store in the mornings while Matthew is still home. And, to be utterly honest, if I had my way I'd be a stay-at-home mom and not work at all. But alas, we all make sacrifices. And now I can hear his cries. Time to get up. |
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