Redemption Ch1, part 1

         Chapter One

         It was four in the afternoon when I arrived at the motel. I’d been driving for hours to get here, yet as I turned off the engine and looked at the sun bleached building, it didn’t seem possible that I was actually here. I read the sign on the office door. Crystal Lake Campgrounds and Motor Lodge. Somehow, seeing the words in print didn’t even shake my feeling of detachment. I closed my eyes and leaned my head back against the seat.

         Six months, and I still felt like this. Today should have been filled with anticipation, excitement, and hope. It was the fulfillment of a dream. Our dream. I swallowed past the lump in my throat. It didn’t matter anymore. Nothing mattered. There was no one left. Only me. I was sitting here at Crystal Lake only because I couldn’t bring myself to break the promise I had made. After this, my life would cease to have meaning. Maybe I could finally die in peace.

         My motel room was small, though it had all the comforts of home. There was a queen size bed, which I’d probably never sleep in, cable television, which I’d probably never watch, and a phone. I didn’t expect to use that, either. At least it was quiet.

         I pushed the blue gingham curtain aside enough to peek out. My room was in the back, and it offered an inviting view of the campground. I could see sections of the lake sparkling between the tops of pine trees in the warm afternoon glow. Beyond that, the wilderness stretched out as far as I could see. An endless green ocean, deep, serene, and waiting just for me. Blue Ridge National Park was the largest in the country. Four thousand acres protected by the National Forestry Service. I had to smile at the beauty of it. It was comforting to know there was so much unspoiled land still left out there. It gave me hope. Maybe I wasn’t part of a dying breed after all. But I didn’t know for sure. Living so far away from ‘real’ nature didn’t help my perceptions. Shawn said there were more like us, and I believed him. Had no reason not to. He’d been around; said he’d seen them. He said we had to go to where the trees were. Not the small manmade parks around my apartment, they weren’t enough; we needed deeper forests. So we decided to come here together. Shawn, Jenni, and me. Shawn said this place was sacred; that it was in our blood. He was right. I could feel it.

         It was nothing short of a miracle Shawn had even found my sister and me in the first place. New York wasn’t exactly a small city. Maybe, a million to one chance? Or potluck, if you believe in that sort of thing. He’d been jogging in the park. I remember his scent on the breeze as he came around the corner. We locked eyes, and immediately we knew. The recognition hit us both like a Mack truck. Our lives changed that day, all three of ours. It was wonderful. But things were different now. They were gone. I was alone. And it was all my fault.

         I let the curtain fall back and sat down on the bed. I glanced at the brass jar on the nightstand. A familiar wave of depression surfaced, and I closed my eyes. Would it ever end? Would I ever escape this sense of emptiness? My throat tightened. I fought back the tears while I crawled under the blankets. I prayed the nightmares wouldn’t come tonight. Please not tonight. God help me, I couldn’t go through it again. I hugged the thin sheet tight around my chest. After a while I drifted into sleep, but with the darkness swallowing my soul, I can’t honestly say I noticed.
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         It began as a dull ache in my calves, and progressed to full fledged pain. My arms hurt, too. I tossed off the last few layers of sleep in near panic and climbed out of bed. No! Not now! I stretched my legs, testing them. The sting was unmistakable. It’s gone too far this time; I can’t fight it. All I can do is get out of here. I grabbed the room key and slipped quietly into the hallway. My sneakers made no sound as I slinked past the other rooms. My arms and legs were beginning to cramp. I did my best to ignore it and kept up my brisk pace. I hoped no one would see me. It might be hard to explain why a young woman such as myself would be taking a midnight stroll alone in the woods. Better just to keep out of sight, out of mind.

         My shadow melted into the monochrome realm of moonlight and night as I rounded the corner of the parking lot and headed toward the trees. I shouldn’t have put this off so long. I fought it, but I knew it was useless. As futile as trying to breathe underwater. Tonight I was going to lose this battle. I chose my path deep into the forest before finding someplace to Shift. I stripped down and folded my clothes in a neat pile, making sure the room key was on top. I just hoped I would remember where I left them. I don’t know what happens to my human logic sometimes when I’m like this.

         A cool breeze tickled my bare skin and I closed my eyes, willing the transformation to begin. It didn’t take long—just a few seconds really, before my legs began to tremble. My calves cramped and I dropped to my hands and knees. The muscles in my back convulsed, hot daggers lanced up my spine. My fingers and toes curled, stinging like a million needles. Burning pain seared through my skin. I’ve never had the pleasure of being doused with gasoline and then lit on fire, but I imagine the sensation would be roughly the same. I squeezed my eyes shut against the next few agonizing moments. These were the worst kinds of transformations; the ones I had denied. I used to Shift every night, we used to run through Central Park together. We were free, happy. Blissfully unaware of how short our time was. My chest grew tight, making it hard to breathe, but I couldn’t convince myself it was entirely from the change. I clenched my teeth. Pain exploded behind my eyes, something popped, and fire washed over my face. Then it was over. I had Shifted.

         I took a deep breath and shook off the residual discomfort lingering underneath my thickened skin. I stretched in my glorious new body, drawing pleasure from the natural adrenaline this form offered. I felt lighter, in more than just the physical sense. My back and shoulders were loose, free of all the little twinges of pain humans learn to accept. I inhaled the scent of pine, water, and dirt. Faint smells of smoke drifted from the campsites, followed by the stench of human sweat. I sneezed and turned the other way, letting my long tongue hang over my narrow jaw. I looked around. What I could see and hear was different now. The dramatic sharpening of my senses never failed to exhilarate me. Vivid shades of blue, silver, and black outlined every leaf, every twig. The hush of feathered wings gained an instinctual prick of my ear. Somewhere in the distance I heard a fox bark. I snorted, and shook again, reveling in the pure enjoyment of being me. I was a wolf. I was a 120-pound timber wolf, and for the next few hours, this was my forest.