Easter Special - Angels on Earth

Angels...
Do exist.
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Mama once told me, when I was very young...that Angels do exist, only we can't see them.

"Mama, are they white feathery beings with golden halos on their head?"

"No, they're not, Tom...we can't see them. But they will always be around to protect us, because that is what God wants them to do for us."

"God? God loves us, Mama??"

"Yes he does."

"Does He love me more than I love my teddy?"

"Yes....Tom. God loves you more than anything else in this world, and in the same way, he wants you to love everyone as well."

Those words...those words.
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Lies, Mama. Lies.

Angels don't exist, and even if they do--

I can only see one.

April Jane...I love you.
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I stood on the empty aisle of the rundown church, staring into the darkness before me as the grey clouds outside indicated a premonition of a coming rainstorm.

Speckles of dust flew around me, and the faint light that managed to squeeze its way through the webby openings in the colourful glass windows of the cathedral shone down onto my feet in a bright array of purple, blue and black.

The sound of thunder rumbling above transported me back to reality in a gentle and agitated way.

*flashback*
"Who's that girl, Tom? You seem to be on very good terms with her, if not excellent!!" April Jane smiled her soothing smile and I accidentally noticed her hardening grip on the books she was hugging to her chest.

I scratched my head. "Belle? She's just another friend from Law, a real witty and intelligent, self-proclaimed --haha--bitch. And don't ask me why, I have no idea."

April Jane still had her trademark smile plastered onto her sculptured face. "I see...tell me more about her."

I glanced at her quizically. "And why should I do just that? You're not checking her out, are you?" I laughed at my own theory.

She appeared just as demure and untouched. "Welll...I MAY be a little interested in her.." She tilted her head sideways to give me an encouraging smile.

I laughed again, surrendering to her persistance. "That girl, if there even was anything good to say about her...For all I know she's a really sensitive five-letter-word who apparently has something against Ultra Orthodox Jews--you're not Jewish, aren't you?"

She looked at me as though I was a hamburger stuffed with carrots, cow waste and generally everything else. "We've been together for seven years and you don't know??!!!"

Her smile was still as energetic and full of life as ever. I made no attempt to destroy it--I had had a tough time nurturing it for seven consecutive years to become the warm grin it now was.

"Hahaha....noOooOoo...you actually fell for that? Why, all this while I have kept in mind that I am dating a Roman Catholic!!!"

She rolled her eyes in response. "From what I have seen of you, Tom, you're really catching some of that sensitivity Belle has over there. You know, the both of you are actually quite suited for each other!!" She nodded her head, as if to justify her statement.

Puzzlement overwhelmed me. I scanned her eyes for a sign of jealousy, but all was normal.

"B-But why the fuss over her?" I had to ask.

"Don't you like her? I saw you kissing her that day, ON THE MOUTH--"

"As a friend."

"No, Tom, as something more."

I stopped short at the sound of her words. What was she playing at?

"April Jane, get down to the point, whatever it is." I didn't know why, but at that moment, a chill built up in my body and my heart felt as though it had been frozen and preserved for twenty long years.

April Jane fixed her gaze onto the floor.

"Tom.."

The three words I would never forget.

The three words, that contradicted the other three words she had promised seven years ago, on the same date.

"Let's break up."

*end-of-flashback*

I dragged my feet along the dusty walkway, the beat and rhythm of the rain outside an angsty melody to me, that reflected all the depression, loss, sadness that I felt--

I almost tore myself apart, when I found out she was marrying another guy, whom I have never seen for the whole of my jilted life.

I couldn't take in the fact--couldn't swallow--

How she had dumped me, and all the sweet reminiscences we had painted in unison during those times we were together.

Walks by the beaches, kisses in the rain, secret hugs on rollercoasters.

My hand trailed along the rims of the old wooden windows as the piercing memories englufed me and devoured me...

-
Sometimes, I wonder.

People wonder all the time.

I do, too. I don't only wonder. I fantasize, imagine.

I always daydream of what it would be like to have a bAby.

A small, cuddly toddler who would crawl over to me and call me, "Papa."

How nice it would be...if I were to have a baby.

*flashback*
April Jane sat on the garden bench, her long hair as glossy as ever, as she welcomed me with a soft smile like nothing had ever happened between us.

The state I was in was rubbish compared to her. I wasn't appropriately dressed, I hadn't shaved in days and I was on the verge of being declared an addict after gulping down umpteenth cans of strong alcohol.

"Tom--" She approached me.

Her voice was just as beautiful...it reminded me of the tinkling of bells in a far distance, and of windchimes on serene green hills.

"Tom, I need to let you know." She spoke softly, and I drowned in the dynamics of her vocals.

"Tom--I'm pregnant--Oww"

Before I knew it, I had already grabbed her slender shoulders and was gripping them so hard, my knuckles turned white.

"Pregnant???!! Is-is the baby mine--"

I released her, because I couldn't bear to see her pained expression.

"Yes, Tom...but 'is' isn't exactly grammatically correct." She fidgeted with her fingers.

Just that moment, I felt waves of suspense, thrill and fear passing through me--it was the most amazing thing I have ever felt, yet in a way it bore a forewarning for the bombshell about to be dropped.

"April, April...what are you talking about? Don't you do a degree in English--"

"No, Tom. No." She shook her head.

My throat felt dry and cold tears trickled down my forehead -- it was an uncanny sensation. Something along the lines of the sixth sense.

"What do you mean, 'no'? April Jane--"

She shook her head.

"No, no." She kept repeating.

"No, no, no."

Abruptly, all the tension and pressure building within me erupted -- and I literally flared up like an agitated lion.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'NO' APRIL???!!! WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT???!!! WHERE'S THE BABY--MY BABY!!!" I howled.

Dismay washed over me when I saw pools of tears glistening in her eyes before streaming down her pale cheeks.

"No, no.." She kept saying, as she cried in silent agony.

No.

*end of flashback*

That was the last time I saw April Jane.

All I had was gone--a potential baby, and the perfect wife.

What I had gotten was instead a painstaking breakup as well as an unwanted abortion--

Oh God, Almighty Lord--

I pray for forgiveness, from the depths of my heart--

I have murdered that tiny life you have rewarded APril and I with--

I'm a murderer, a murderer.

Father In Heaven, if You have ears--

I know You do, so please.

Please grant me forgiveness, O Sovereign One. Please grant April Jane and I forgiveness for committing such an evil deed--such an unforgivable sin.

Please...

"In Jesus' Name I pray, Amen."

I heaved a big sigh as I ended my prayer. The clouds outside were clearing, and rays of sunlight shone through the clouds, as if to symbolise hope--and a new day.

I stood up and stretched my knees. As the golden light slowly made its way upon my body, I felt strangely refreshed.

As I walked out of the church, I knew I had left something behind, but I didn't bother to turn back to retrieve it.

My sins.
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Angels do exist, but they don't have bright glittery halos, nor do they possess great feathery wings.

Simply, they live with us, and they're called friends.

For me, my angel is April Jane..

And will be April Jane, for destinies to come.

Happy Easter Day. =)