%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 |
A list of journal entries about me |
| This is a collection of journal entries that I have collected over the past few years. |
I have not been writing much lately. Everything seems to be happening at once, which is really scary. We are almost finished with the book (my friend and I), and I'm almost finished with my new project (wedding planner) which is completely out of character for me. Now, when I have to be the most focused, the most excited, I'm a mess. I have no confidence that any of this is going to work out. THANK GOD I have a very optimistic friend who seems to believe that I can do anything. If I didn't have him to continue to reassure me that I'm not a complete disaster, then I would have probably gave up a long time ago. Not to mention that school starts in a week, my boyfriend is a complete nightmare, and my family is worse (if that's possible). I know what your thinking, how many people have the opportunities that you have had and your complaining? I ask myself that question everyday, but it doesn't work. I still find a way to make the glass half empty. Tell me again why I go to therapy? |
| I have not been writing much lately. Everything seems to be happening at once, which is really scary. We are almost finished with the book (my friend and I), and I'm almost finished with my new project (wedding planner) which is completly out of character for me. Now, when I have to be the most focused, the most excited, I'm a mess. I have no confidence that any of this is going to work out. Thank god I have a very opptatmistic friend who seems to believe that I can do anything. If I didn't have him to continue to reasure me that I'm not a complete disaster, then I would have probably gave up a long time ago. Not to mention that school starts in a week, my boyfriend is a complete nightmare, and my family is worse (if that's possible). I know what your thinking, how many people have the opportunities that you have had and your complaining? I ask myself that question everyday, but it doesn't work. I still find a way to make the glass half empty. Tell me again why I go to therapy? |
 Just when I thought I really hated my boyfriend, he desides to do something good. We have been feeding a stray cat for over a year. He was born in May of 2005 in our yard and I immediatly loved him. The weird thing is that I always hated cat's, but he was so cute and he had a great personality. It took us about 4 months to gain it's trust and let us pet him. In the beginning we would just put the food out and he would wait until we went in the house before he would eat. Eventually, he started coming in the house for a little while and playing with us. He would role around on the floor and we would pet him, but he lived outside. Mike would never let him live with us,because he was afraid that he would destroy the house, but he made him a house and put it in the yard (because it was freezing out and I cried). The cat didn't even look like a stray cat. He was fat and cute and everyone that saw him thought he was someones cat that escaped from thier house. About two months ago, we noticed that the cat was losing weight and he looked sick. He would lay on the porch and cry in the morning and at night. I was so upset because I thought he was sick from roaming the streets. Out of the blue last week Mike took the cat to the vet and he was tested for all possible diseases and he was in perfect health. Now, he lives with us in the house and I am very happy, shocked, but happy. Although he is a little confused as to why he is inside all the time, he is doing very well. |
| I find it amazing how some people are able to just learn from their mistakes, pick up and move on. When something goes wrong, or shall I say "not the way I want it", I have such a hard time dealing with it. The most resent thing that I learned about myself is that I don't like change. I like things to stay new and good and the way I want it. The problem with that is that life is change. We are supposed to grow and change and adapt to those changes, but I can't. I have such a hard time comprehending why these things continue to happen to me. What I can't accept, is that they are not happening to me, they are just happening. Life is filled with lessons that we are sometimes not willing to accept. |
I easily get bored I give up on people I tend to be very angry at times I flip out over little things I am very defensive I feel sad a lot I'm hard on people I hate to be alone I crave attention I always wait for the bottom to fall out |
 Be the person you want to be What you do is important Someone out there admires you No one sparkles more than you Your future holds success and happiness Thank goodness for people like you Learn from yesterday Take care of yourself Mistakes don't make you less lovable Follow your heart Someone is looking out for you |
| I was wondering if anyone was willing to leave a comment about my journal entries? I know they are just my thoughts and they are not to be rated, but it would be nice to see if anyone else shares my thoughts, has been inspired by them or can provide me with some inspiration.  |
The other day someone told me that I was striking. That was the best thing I heard in a long time. I didn't really think about how she meant it. It was the fact that she said it and when she said it that changed my entire day. It was the first time that I ever met this person, it was her very first impression of me and I was striking. That was the first time that someone thought I was great from the moment they met me. I spent my whole life hearing that I'm hard at first, but when you get to know me I'm ok. She didn't have to know me, she liked me. She said that I was welcoming from the moment she met me. I was a completely different person that day. I was free from all bad feelings. I had fun, I was confident, I liked myself that day. I liked life that day. |
 I had my very first therapy appointment the other day. I finally decided to go because of problems that occured in my recent relationship, but I think there is a lot more involved. It felt good to talk to someone who doesn't know me and can't judge me. I see alot of things in myself that I want to change. I want to know that it is ok to be alone. I know if I was in therapy when I was married things would have went in a different direction. I'm not saying that I would have stayed, I'm not really sure what I would have done, but I think I would have had more courage to be by myself instead of starting a new "bad" relationship. I think I would have been able to make more rational decisions. Well, I guess I did what I thought was right at the time, even though it was probably one of the most selfish things that I have ever done. I have a lot of guilt for leaving him like I did. Sometimes I think that this is my punishment. How could I expect to live a happy fulfilled life when I hurt someone like I did. I'm not saying my ex-husband was perfect, because he was far from it. I had a lot of anger towards him, I think that's how I justified leaving him. Anyway, I left him because I was unhappy, and here I am again. My recent boyfriend says that I run from my problems, which is what made me really decide to go to therapy. I'm not sure if I ran from him, or if he just wasn't the person for me. He uses the "running" thing against me because he can. He knows that I ran to him a few years ago. He told me everything was going to be ok and I listened, but now it's not.   So, I decided to help myself, because I want to be happy. I want to learn how to take care of myself. I want to learn that it's ok to be alone. I want to know that I'm worth more then I think or how I feel. I want to stop being so angry. I want to be ok.... |
Please say a prayer for me today. Today I have no strength and no hope. Please guide me in the right direction. Help me accept what needs to be done and give me the courage to make the necessary changes. |
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
