In my Heart

The only reason for waking up for school is to see him smile. Honestly, that’s the only reason I can think of to get up at five in the morning and trudge to Dobie Jr. High. So, here I sit on the school porch, my toes turning a color not even Crayola has created: frostbite blue. I pull my track jacket around me tighter. Under my breath, I curse myself for getting a car ride to school so early, and not being smart enough to ride the bus. It is the middle of January, nearing my birthday, and winter had finally become, well, winter. As ridiculous as it may sound, it is just now getting cold. Weather in Texas is anything but normal.
I am one of the only people here, until cars begin to pull up. Soon, I am alone in a crowd of people, all talking loudly; swapping gossip and copying off of each others homework. Then he came up the sidewalk with a curious panache about him that he always seems to wear. He stops at the steps near a circle of other guys. He catches my stare, and throws me a smile. I can feel my face getting hotter and I press my lips into a small grin. My friends come over and begin chatting about bassoon lessons and the tests they didn’t study for. I become unfocused and not quite tuned into the conversation. I glance over at him. This time I am the one to catch someone’s stare. My friend nudged my shoulder, gently pushing me towards the door that was now propped open. He got to the door before me and waited. He came up to me and smiled. I swear; they are contagious.
“Hey,” he said, and my heart swelled to a size that cannot possibly be healthy. “Hey.” We passed through the metal doors. “Are you riding the bus today?” I asked conversationally. “No,” my smile dropped “well, maybe. I am not sure yet.” A shout was heard from across the cafeteria, directed at him.
“Well, I will talk to you later.” He smiled again. I returned it, but mine was rather fake. He walked over to the table of the same guys he had been with earlier, and I walked to my table, where all of my band nerd friends sit. As I sat, greetings were exchanged. I look over at his table where he sits, looking at me with that goofy smile of his. I blush and try and start a conversation with Lea, who is sitting with her back facing his table.
A couple of minutes later, I look again. He looks too. Lea turns around to see what has my attention. She turns and faces me. “What is going on?” She questions, a wide grin beginning to form on her face. “Nothing...” I answer, with false truth on my tongue. “Sure,” she said, with skepticism in her voice “Then why won’t he stop looking over here?”
“I don’t know.” I answered. I was beginning to find her questioning me annoying. “What do you think?” I ask. Lea laughed. “I think he is in looooove!” She elongated the ‘o’ just enough to make me smile and obviously, blush. Shock spread over her face. “YOU LIKE HIM TOO!” she proclaimed, as if she had just found a lethal clue on a CSI case. I could not even object, I knew too well that it was true.
The day passes in a blur. Exam in social studies, two page assignment in Algebra 1, practice French horn. By the time I got on the bus, my head was spinning and I was completely frustrated. I sat down in the sticky, brown, faux leather seat and laid my head on the metal that framed the window. It was cool on the side of my forehead. Then, he got on. My heart began to flutter; a butterfly trapped and trying to break loose. But, alas, it is stuck, but it won’t give up; it is relentless. He sat in the seat behind me.
“I have a question for you,” he started, with hope and some doubt in his eyes. “But I think I might be too nervous to ask it now.” I nodded, with a small smile. Five, short minutes later I looked back. “You know what the question it, right?” “I think I have a good idea.” He paused; thinking about what to say next. “So... will you?”
“Yeah,” I answered, in a split second, not even thinking about it.
I got off the bus at my stop and felt different. My frustration was gone, and I now find myself smiling for no reason just thinking about him, my heart is constantly swelled to that irregular size that now feels more comfortable than anything else in the world. He is stuck in my mind and heart, and I can’t seem to get him out of either, so I figure, maybe that’s where he is supposed to be.