The Evil Kitchen

Sitting on a high stool, face to face with destiny, my best friend, yet my worst enemy, alcohol, I reminisced on the moment that had stopped my heart, just five minutes ago. As I sat there, I stared, dumbfounded, into the eyes of pure bliss, and I asked, "Why do you do shit like that?" She had already begun to speak about something other than what had just happened, but I, was still lost in a daze. She looked at me, then away, and responded, "Does it get to you?". I felt my heart beginning to race, and my blood had started to come to a slow boil, and the only thing I could think of to say is "Yes, it does". Everything after that was unclear to me, as she apologized, and said that she felt like she had just "needed" to. I was there, she felt a need, acted on impulse, and this, was becoming a torment to me.

The house was quiet, somewhat lit, and the scent of cleaning supplies was seemlingly burning my nose. Her little girl snuggled in bed, just the way I had left her, was in her room sleeping. I was in the kitchen filling my short glass with water and ice, for about the tenth time that night, trying to sober up for the ride home. I had drank a bit of alcohol some time before, but by now, I barely had a small buzz. I could hear the floor as it creeked with her steps, somewhere outside the kitchen, almost dancing, then suddenly her smiley face appeared around the corner. I had ice in my mouth, from the previous glass of water I had been drinking, and was gettin ready to crack the plastic in which held freshly frozen ice cubes. She grabbed my glass quickly, turned the tap on, filled it about halfway with water, took a sip, and stood close to me, closed her eyes, and kissed me. I felt something at that moment, an acute feeling of happiness, of beauty and perfection, as her soft lips graced the presence of mine. Time stopped, and I dont remember much of what exactly happened after that, but I do remember wishing that time had really stopped, and that I could stay in that moment, forever.

One kiss. Two sets of lips, parted perfectly, and touching eachother just slightly. I wrapped my arms around her body and held her close, as we leaned against the countertop of her new kitchen. She had just showered, and I could smell the subtle scent that rose from her body, the scent that I had grown to love over the years, her scent, and the pace of my heart had began to slow. It was the mere shock of her spontaneous act that had my heart racing to begin with, but now, my heart was beating to the soul of our kiss. Slow. Passionate. I lost myself in that moment, I really did, and after our lips were no longer touching, my mind began to race with unanswered questions. Questions I may never ask and answers I may never know, these questions, that only she knew the answers to.

"Yes, something so small, like a kiss driven by passion, may not get to you, but it eats me alive. You cannot break the rules, not when the rules were made to protect our hearts, our friendship. I know in my heart that you do not feel the same for me as I feel for you, and even if you did, circumstance has already torn, our not-yet made plan, to pieces. I cannot be your lover, I cannot be her father, I cannot please your mother. I can however, show you happiness, in every different aspect, and this I must do, only as a friend. I will appreciate you, for your attempts, big or small, to please your counterpart, but this I also must do, only as a friend. Why tell me you hate him, or try to extract all his lies, if you have no intentions of leaving him? I would love for you to leave, leave everything, and come with me, but I know that you cannot, and this I have come to accept. I love you, I do, this is no lie. I love you in way, I know that I shouldnt, it is true, I am in love with you. So next time you decide to act on impulse, remember how I felt, after that moment of what seemed to you, to be simplistic. Remember that it hurts me more, to know that I, would if you would. That I, could, if you could. That, the words "would" and "could" are slightly a part of our imagination, when pertaining to you and I."