Wonderful 1,2,3,4 fingered friend

Katya and Tony got married
O lordy, how they did love!
On a tidal wave they were carried
By Love to the stars above
They were in love, and their love was so strong

Katya said, "Tony, now honey,
As you know Christmas is near,
But I don't have much money
So your present won't be dear."
They were in love, and their love was so strong

Said Tony, "Don't worry honey
My present's your presence here
Pick out something cheap and funny
Needn't last beyond New Year"
They were in love, and their love was so strong

Katya her courage did muster
Went down to the Sales' melee
Saw a comb for a cookie duster
To keep his soul-patch lice-free
They were in love, and their love was so strong

Tony came back Christmas morning
And Katya was amazed to see
By the light of the new day dawning
Tony's face was soul-patch free
They were in love, and their love was so strong

Tony said, "Aw, Katya honey,
You were buying a present for me
So I had to raise some money.
I did Gillette ads for tv."
They were in love, and their love was so strong

Said Tony "I bought you a ring
So just hand your hand to me -
Then he saw the strangest thing -
Katya's hand was ring-finger free
They were in love, and their love was so strong

Katya said "She'd a face like a gnome
That bitch in the Sales melee
She tried to grab your comb
And tore my ring-finger offa me!"
They were in love, and their love was so strong


Roll me over easy
Roll me over slow
Best keep to the one on the left tonight
Cause my right one hurts me so
It's all that good lovin' I'm getting down below

This story's at an end, you know
But not like in The Magi's
Cause though Tony's soul-patch did grow
Katya still can't give 'high fives'

But men are weak, and women are so strong
And a man's rightful place is to be in the wrong