Eyes

EYES
By
Julie Hagan




Talking? Who needs it? Laughing? Who needs it? Family? Who needs it?

Everything I needed was right here. My life was here.

Smokey Hill Orphanage was a small, subtle place, right in the middle of nowhere. I was 5 when I first came here, already hard to place. I was now 16, and even harder to place. I was too old. I didn’t bother me, though. I was in no hurry to be adopted. Even in a less hurry to speak. I hadn’t said one word since I came here, and I didn’t plan to. What where the use of words? I had learned early enough that people didn’t need words to get there points across. I learned this from experience.
There were times when my father would hug me, and there were times when he would shun me. And worst of all, there were times when he inflicted pain upon me. Who was he to hit a child? Who was I to deserve it? I will never know, but I do know one thing: if you lay still, it will all be over soon. It will be over and leave you blind; color blind that is. Yes, that’s right. My father once hit me so hard that every ounce of beautiful color in my mind was knocked onto the floor next to my semi-lifeless body. Now, did he need words to get that point across? No, he didn’t.
Since then, I was sent to this orphanage and I denied the fact color was no longer a part of me. I missed it terribly. Nevertheless, the memories of such a beautiful thing eventually disappeared from my mind completely, and I moved on. It is now one more thing I am in no hurry to meet again. Those memories- when I saw color- were the worst of my life. What was to miss?

A family came in today. They said they were looking for an older boy, possibly from 14 to 16. You would think my hopes surged, but they didn’t. I didn’t much care. I would just move on, miserable and colorless. A new home was a new bed to sleep in; possibly, one without the scratchy wool blanket. I just hope they don’t expect me to talk. I won’t do it.
The family, the Curzacs to be exact, chose to adopt none other than me. The mother, Mrs. Curzac, was a nice lady in her fifties. The father was a bit of a strict old man, but with quite a tender heart. They had three children already: Mindy, their fifteen-year-old daughter; Zach, Mindy’s twin brother; and Derek, the youngest son. He was ten.
I was given a bed to sleep on- of course- and three of the best square meals I’d ever eaten. Charlotte, the maid, was a fine cook. Often, my new ‘family’ never quite understood the fact that I didn’t speak. They asked me question often, but never got a reply. I was sure the social worker told them about my past.
Mindy was the only one that offered me any compassion for being so stubborn, and she was truly the light of my life. Never was I closer to anyone else. We would take walks, play games, and even just lie in the grass looking up at the sky at night. All the while, she would try to teach me colors. Pretty soon, I could make out purple. (There were violets surrounding the house.) Purple was a tiny bit lighter than the black sky at night. I made it quite clear to her that I did not want to learn any more color, and that I wanted to remember nothing. I told her this.
Zach often accompanied Mindy and I on walks, but I dared not speak to him. He did not consider me his friend, let alone, brother. He never told me this, but I overheard it. He pretended to care for me, but he didn’t, and I didn’t want his compassion or his friendship. He was perhaps jealous of my flourishing relationship with his sister, but that was not my concern. He had Derek. Ah, yes, Derek. He was just like his brother, if not worse. There was nothing more. I often wanted to tell Mindy how I felt, and how evil I thought her brothers, but it would break her heart, and I couldn’t bear that.
Once summer rolled around, and I had been with these considerate people for almost a year now, there was discussion of a vacation. I had heard of such things, but never been on one. Mindy told me they had a cabin up in the mountains and that was most likely where we would be staying for the summer. Needless to say, I was quite excited. There is only so much a color blind person can draw out of his surroundings. It was definitely time for a change.

About a week had passed, and we were living in the coziest log cabin for the summer. The outside was simply brown, but every log was placed perfectly together. The inside was furnished quite nicely, and I made out that there were purple flowers embroidered into the curtains.
One morning, I awoke exceptionally early, and decided to go for a walk on my own. Such a thing Mindy would scold me for, but I figured if I were to get back before she woke up, she would never know.
This day, for some odd reason, I traveled further than I ever had. I was back in the woods before I realized I was in unknown territory. I stopped abruptly, and looked around. Black and white was all I saw. There were no violets around to comfort me. Everything was the same color, so everything looked the same to me.
I stood in the middle of the forest for some time before I decided to keep walking forward. Maybe I would find my way out if I knew where I was. I knew where I was; I was walking straight.
It was only a couple of minutes until I did in fact find a clearing. Not just any clearing, but a pond. I stared at this for a minute. There was an old boat dock, and what looked to be an old boat tied to it. It was hard to tell. Half of it was full of water, and what I could see was full of holes and cracked. I walked over to the dock quite cautiously, and tested my weight before I stood on it; it looked old. My sneakers squished out water I had collected from walking through the wet morning grass as I stepped slowly onto the dock.
My senses were alert the whole time I was on that boat dock. I sat down wearily and listened to everything: the fish bobbing up and down, the leaves rustling, even the distant sound of the highway cars was apparent to me. Soon, the noises made me restless, and I desired to go walking again. I should’ve been heading back by now anyway. In the distance, I saw a bridge going across the lake. I figured I would walk around to that side and cross the bridge and go on home. Besides, I had no idea if I would ever find this lake again; I was lost after all.
Almost to the bridge, I stopped in my tracks, seeing black hair or fur on the edge of the water. I loved animals. In my heart I hoped it wasn’t an animal, but it had to be. Acting on instinct, I reached down to rescue whatever poor, defenseless creature was lying at my feet.
Fear filled my chest, and I was unable to cry out as I so greatly desired. I felt tears sting in my eyes for no apparent reason as I mentally cursed my curiosity. The site was awful. It was not a defenseless animal, but a human. Or, rather, what looked to be a human. The eyes were shut and its skin peeling off the skull. It was not just a head, I decided, as the weight of it was the weight of a full body. The thick, matted, black hair felt slippery and full of algae in my shaking hand. My mind told me to drop it, but I couldn’t move. The mouth opened and inhaled a breath and I immediately let it fall to the water I uncovered it from.
Without thinking, I ran and soon started across the bridge. In the middle of it, my breath hitched yet again, and I stopped and looked down at what lurked beneath my feet. Bubbles made their way up to the murky surface of the water, and I looked back to see the head had disappeared from the rocky shore. I finally let out the scream that was built up in my throat as I realized what swam in the gray water.
My knees buckled and I wanted to fall, but I grasped the rope sides to steady myself. What evil waited for me in the water? I would not fall. I could not fall. I did not fall.
Before the wretched head once more appeared at the surface of the lake, I ran the rest of the way across the bridge, and didn’t stop running once I reached the end. I ran in a straight line, just like the way I had come. It was pure luck that the small cabin soon appeared in my sight. I did not stop running until I was back in my bed. Surprised was I to find that I hadn’t wakened anyone with my bustling into the house.
I lay in bed for at least an hour before I let my mind remind me of what I saw. The face, that was all, but what a face it was! I never saw its eyes, but something told me they were just as eerie as the rest of it. The hair was slippery in my hand as it was full of algae, and the face seemed to be algae. I took the hand that I had lifted the head up with out from under my covers, and saw the shade of what must have been green algae spread like butter across my hand. Once more, I ran out of my bedroom and into the bathroom. I scrubbed my hand until it was as pink as a rose. All the while, pictures of its face flashed across my mind. I scrubbed more and more violently as feared filled me. Finally, I sank down to the floor and put my face in my hands and wept. I don’t know why, but when I did, I could still smell the algae in my hand.

The rest of the time I spent awake was restless. After I got the awful stench off of my hand, I tried oh so hard to fall back asleep, and to forget my morning journey. My efforts were futile, and I ended up going into the kitchen and I gave Charlotte a break by starting breakfast. I simply made homemade biscuits with butter. They were, of course, not as nearly as good as Charlotte’s but I needed food; I was very hungry.
Once I took a bite of my bread, the monster’s face entered my mind once again, and I gagged on my food. I could not escape this picture as much as I tried, and I gave up on eating too. There were so many things I already couldn’t do, and now I was restless and haunted by this evil.

Days, weeks, and months passed, and my visions never let up. Sleep was at various times only when I was too weak to even stand. Mindy was often worried about me, and questioned me often. I explained to her it was nothing, and I was simply tired more often than I used to be. It was an awful excuse and I could tell she didn’t believe me; she knew me too well. Nevertheless, I tried my hardest to go back to the way things were before that dreadful morning. Although, the fact of the matter was, that my sanity hung by a thread.

I had to be at least a month later before I started to recover and only saw the face in my dreams. I was almost my old self, and Mindy noticed. We returned to our usual activities, and I even ventured outside with her more and more often. Zach and Derek even joined us. I guess the little spell I went through a month before caused them to feel the smallest bit of sympathy for me. Nevertheless, Zach and I slowly became better and better friends.
One day, Zach woke the three of us up early one morning telling us to come with him; he had been on a walk. I wasn’t asleep when he woke us, so I got up quite a bit faster than the others.
It was a warm morning, and it wasn’t at all cloudy. This weather brought my spirits up a remarkable amount. Zach led us through the woods, and Mindy and her little brother were having a conversation, leaving me out. It didn’t bother me. Mindy and I couldn’t have a conversation without everyone else finding out I spoke the littlest bit.
Ahead, I saw Zach clear some brush out of the way, and I was faced with one thing I never wanted to see again. An incredibly familiar boat dock loomed in front of me. My body shook, but I was careful to hide my fear from everyone else. Who would believe me anyway?
Zach, Derek, and Mindy walked around slowly inching closer to the spot where I first met that evil wretch. I feared for their safety as they came dangerously close to the shore, but my fear kept me back. Once, Mindy questioned my caution, and I simply shrugged it off, giving her the sign that I didn’t feel like walking. This, she took as a sign of my fear, but she would never know my true fear of this spot. Immediately, she decided we should go.
“Why don’t we just cross the bridge, Mindy?” Zach questioned once they decided they had explored enough for one day.
“You can do that,” she replied, “but I’ll just take Derek back around.” Derek whined at this, for he too wanted to cross the bridge.
You foolish, foolish, boy, I thought for Derek. You wouldn’t know, just like Zach didn’t. ZACH! I feared for his life as he slowly inched across the bridge pretending to fall in.
I prayed he not fall, yet I did not stop him. Nothing would bring me back across that bridge. He only had a few more planks of the bridge to cross when I started to question if there really was a monster, and if there was, if it was going to make an appearance. Mindy and Derek reached me where I was carefully watching Zach, but slowly starting to turn away, realizing his safety, as I leaned against a tree.
“He’s coming, let’s go,” Mindy said dully holding Derek’s hand. I could tell she was upset at having to leave so soon, but she would thank me later.
The second I turned around I regretted it, for I heard Zach let out a screech. Mindy and Derek whipped their heads around, and I would’ve run, overcome by terror at possible seeing my nightmare again, but I felt a hand grab my shoulder. I turned to see Zach’s tear struck face. He grabbed my shoulders and opened the eyes he had instantly snapped shut on his discover. His mouth was open but he struggled for words as he looked me directly in the eye, allowing me to see his internal fear. It was overwhelming.
“Did you see- O MY- did you?” he said breathlessly, slurring his words together. He had seen it.
Mindy grabbed his shoulders as he shook violently with terror.
“What? What did you see?”
It was futile, for he paced about barely able to breath between sobs.
Mindy looked worried as she glanced to me and made it clear that we needed to get him home.

Once home, Zach stayed in his condition for weeks. Charlotte could’ve sworn he was hallucinating from fever, but he had no temperature. Mrs. Curzac thought he had seen a ghost (which was almost correct) and Mr. Curzac thought he was faking the whole thing. I was the only one who knew the real truth.
I slept less and less, the whole situation reminding me of my experience, and my visions were not only in my sleep. They would visit me during the day, even. Although, there was a large difference between Zach and I’s memory.
Once Zach was a little more stable than he first was, he told me what he saw. It was the exact creature I had seen, but its eyes were open. I couldn’t imagine that. I thought that what I had seen was dead until the mouth opened. Zach told me the thing was slowly walking, rising as he made his way above the surface, up shore. I turned away before he could finish his story, but he just laughed until it was consumed by a rapturous coughing.
I meditated in these thoughts; trying to rid my mind of them, without prevail. I was startled when Mindy touched my shoulder.
“Oh,” I said. “Hi, Mindy.”
“What did Zach tell you?” She asked right away.
I wasn’t sure what to tell her. I had to lie. I couldn’t bear to frighten her.
“He spoke untrue words. His mind has been corrupted by some evil.”
“He speaks of needles in his arms! The only time that ever happened was when he almost died of fever! It is his biggest fear, and his worst memory. The spots on his arms have even appeared now, when they have been gone for almost seven years! Why does he remember this now? He told me you could tell me. He couldn’t bear to think. What is going on?” she asked hysterically.
What could I say? I had to keep lying, but I didn’t want to lose Mindy, the only person I could bear to live with forever.
“I told you, he speaks of crazy things. Maybe it is just a coincidence-“
“You lie! I can’t believe it, you, my own brother!” Mindy yelled at me as she stormed away. I couldn’t raise my voice, but I had lost the most important person to me.

Zach never improved, he only got worse. His mother was always in despair, and Mindy refrained from speaking to me. Derek refrained from speaking at all, which I think is why we were now drawn to each other.
We were the only people who we spoke to, so we discussed things people in the family didn’t dare speak of. Namely, Zach.
Derek often asked me questions that he couldn’t ask anyone else. I still never told him the truth about what happened at the pond, but I made it clearer to him than anyone else could, or would for that matter.
Derek once asked me a question to this day I do not know why I answered- well, more like accepted.

We went fishing at the lake.

Why, oh why, did I do this? Mindy cannot bear to look at me.

I returned with Derek, almost vibrating in my arms. I think I cried more than he did. He had seen it too. Why not me? I couldn’t believe I had done all of this to the people I loved. I just couldn’t.
Mindy approached me once more after Derek was put to bed.
“What are you doing to my brothers?”
She startled me.
“Mindy, I didn’t do anything, I swear,” I tried replying, but she only shook her head.
“Jeremiah, I don’t believe you. You saw everything, you must’ve seen what they saw-wait. You were there for both of them. O no! Zach looked at you before he spoke. What did you do to them?!” Mindy screamed, crying out of control now.
“Mindy what do you mean? Are you saying I did this?”
“I don’t know, Jeremiah. Did you? What are you?” she asked me like I was the creature in the pond.
“Zach looked into your eyes and Derek says he remembers looking into them too. You’ve done something to them! Well, if you’re going to do it to them, do it to me too! Go on; hypnotize me to so I have to face all of my awful memories just like my brothers have! I can’t believe you! You really are evil!”
No, she couldn’t be right. I didn’t do this. I couldn’t have imagined that face, I just couldn’t have! Why was she accusing me of this? Why did I think she was right? Why would I make her brothers, whom I love more than I admitted, face their awful memories, when I myself have evil ones too? What was I?
I fled from Mindy into the woods, towards the lake. I could hear Mindy behind me. I really was the thing she thought I was! But still, it could not be possible!
I ran faster and faster, and yet I could not lose Mindy. Before I knew it, I reached the lake, and Mindy almost pushed me over as she rand into me after I stopped so abruptly. She turned me around to face her.
“Well, here we are! If you are going to do that to my brothers, you might as well do it to me!” she said and forced me to look into her eyes.
What was I to say? I was the devil in her eyes, and now I knew it. There was no creature; it was in my mind. All she had to do was look deeply into my eyes at the right time, and she would suffer like poor Zach and Derek.
I shut my eyes and put my hands over them, just to have Mindy tear them away from my eyes.
“You’re right. I don’t know how, but it’s been me all along. But I can’t let you look at me! I can’t do that to-“
I didn’t get to finish as Mindy was pulled down by a long, lanky arm and being dragged into the water. Her eyes never left mine.

What had I done? I just killed my beloved sister. Only, this time her past memories had been too much, and it automatically destroyed her. I would never see her again, and I knew I could never return to my home. I was a monster, and yet I don’t know how I got this way. There was no thing in the pond. It was me that drug her below the surface with my eyes. No, I did it with my own hands. It was my hair that was pulled out of the water that day; my head that was awoken up from a deep slumber. It was me who hypnotized my brothers, and me who lived under the surface where my sister now was.

What was I saying?

Why were my thoughts doing this to me? I was now a mad man. This could not possibly be my fault; I was losing my mind. But it must be true. My sister was very intelligent. That, and she would never lie to me like I had to her this whole time. I was a murderer, and I disgraced her and her family. I belonged with the ‘monster’ in my mind.
I walked to the boat dock after all the bubbles penetrating the surface had dissipated.
“Fowl monster! Appear before me at once! I do not blame you for a thing; it is me who has done this to everyone. I have corrupted their minds with evil! You are not the evil one, I am. I belong in the murky water with you!”
I waited for a reply, but none came.
“I do not fear you, monster, and I don’t believe you are the one with the power I have! Please prove this to me, or I will forever me mad!”
Slowly, bubbles rose and burst at the surface, and the black hair was in my view. The face that haunted me now would never haunt me again. The thing was not evil, I was. Once his face was in my view, his red eyes stared back at me.
…his red eyes stared back at me……..