Diamonds and Sapphires

Diamonds and Sapphires
J. Fitzgerald
2004

"Jo, please."
The pleading words of my best friend, Landon, were not the words I was exactly expecting to hear on that cold, wet, rainy day.
And they were certainly not welcome.
"I can't today, Landon," I said, pushing my chair away from my desk and rubbing a tired hand over my burnt out face. Between working a nine to five job at a local politician's office to dealing with Landon's problems to trying to find an apartment, I was getting sick.
"Jo."
The way he said my name sent a small flutter into my stomach. I couldn't remember the last time any other guy had given me the feelings he did.it was obviously way too long. They say you can't be best friends with a guy without falling for him and in my case, this is really too true. I'd known Landon since the middle school days. We weren't enemies at first, we weren't joined together by some odd force of fate...we just knew one another from classes. I talked to him. He talked to me. It was how most friendships start.
"Landon," I replied, as I hit print on my computer to print out the latest form my boss requested.
"It would mean the world to me if you'd come along."
Squeezing my eyes shut, I took a deep breath and recollected the facts. Landon, my best friend, wanted me to go with him to some local jewelry store to pick out an engagement ring for his hopefully soon-to-be fiancée, Morgan. Sounds like fun, doesn't it? Helping the one guy you've been in love with for months, if not years, pick out the ring he's going to ask the girl of his dreams, who so doesn't happen to be you, pledge the rest of her life to him with. Yeah. It sounds like a real blast.
Add into this already treacherous mix, the reminder of the last time you two went out alone and you got so smashed, you totally poured your heart out to him...told him that his girlfriend was just so wrong for him and that wouldn't you be a much wiser pick? After all, you could treat him better and you knew him inside and out. He didn't know his girlfriend at all...not the way you knew him. Imagine seeing the look of surprise on his face when you spill your soul out to him and have him give you a curt, "Josephine...I really think you need to cut out the alcohol a bit," followed by the, "You aren't even going to remember this in the morning. It's the alcohol that's making you say this crazy shit to me."
Remember how your heart just broke into a zillion and one pieces? How his turning you down didn't help matters, but intensified them so that instead of plunging one knife into your heart, he was stabbing you with ten or twenty? Can you forget the way his words just hit you? "Jo, you don't even know what you're saying." Do you remember waking up the next day all alone with only cold sheets and your dog to greet you?
How could I forget?
And now he wanted my help in picking out an engagement ring?
Excuse me if there were more important things to do.
Like give said dog a bath.
And dust under my bed.
And clean out my closet.
"I can't go," I said finally, wishing he'd get the hint and get off the phone. Things between the two of us had been strained since I'd done all that stupid heart gushing the previous week. Landon hadn't brought it up, but I knew whenever I talked to him that he was thinking about it. He would get this look in his eye as if he were tiptoeing into dangerous territory.
"Jo, please." His words were strained, pleading. For some reason, he really wanted me to do this with him...
And in the end, I really can't refuse him.
"Fine. I get off work at three today," I said, giving up and giving in. He wasn't going to let this drop, so I may as well compromise. Just because I'd go with him didn't mean I was going to help. If anything, I could tell him all the ugly rings were really the pretty ones and then Morgan would be stuck with a really nasty looking ring. This thought alone gave me the slightest bit of a silver lining to the situation.
"I'll be there at quarter till," he said.
"Alright."
"And Jo?"
"Yeah?" I asked, opening up another document that needed work and began to get started on it so that I could leave a bit early.
"This really means a lot to me."

.-*-.

When I stepped into the shitty weather at three o'clock, I didn't have to look far to find Landon. He was standing right outside the door, umbrella in hand and a cheeky nervous grin on his face.
"You could have come in," I told him, accepting his offer to join him under the umbrella.
"They'd eat me alive in there," he said honestly and I couldn't help but laugh. The politician I worked for was a Republican and Landon was anything but. I was registered independent and didn't really share any strong political viewpoints, at least not like my best friend, so the job really wasn't that bad. Landon, on the other hand, was very verbal in his opinions on the government. If you didn't shut him up before he went on a tangent, he could talk for fucking hours about how he thought things should be run...
Though, I don't think the nation would elect a six foot four inch black, spiky haired punk kid with tattoos covering his arms that wore black eyeliner. Don't get me wrong though...somehow the boy pulled off the look and still managed to look adorable at times. My point is that if you work in a conservative office you don't always work with the most...erm...open- minded people...especially if the boy was willing to point out why his political view was the only correct view every chance he got.
Though, I have to admit, I would love to see what my boss were to say if I introduced him to Landon. Landon and I are polar opposites. The only shade I ever dyed my hair was from its dirty blonde to a light brown and the only tattoos I ever had were temporary. "Senator King...this is my best friend Landon. He's the singer and guitarist for this band...Twisted Fortune. Maybe you've heard of them?" Uh huh. I bet he has EVERY one of their CDs too.
"I thought we'd start down at that place by the plaza," Landon said once were inside his dry car. The rain had begun to fall in heavy sheets and it sounded like someone was pounding on the roof of the car. I nodded stupidly, turning down his music when it started. Typically, I rode the bus to work, so the car was a nice change of pace. Buses can be quite scary...
My heart fell heavy when I realized what we were going to do again. Engagement rings. Landon wanted to marry Morgan...Morgan who was so wrong for him in so many ways...and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it. If I were a bitch, I would talk her down to Landon, but I wasn't that way. I always played the role of supportive best friend and not girl hopelessly jealous of her best friend's girlfriend.
In the end it didn't matter how much I loved him...he was, if all went well, going to marry a girl was not me.
Our ride was silent, which didn't surprise me. He hadn't said a whole lot to me since that night that I'd confessed everything to him. I think Landon almost didn't want to believe my drunken ramblings, but in the back of his mind, he knew I was just another pathetic girl who was drooling after him.
God, that thought made me sick.
"So," I began, my throat suddenly tight, "when did you decide that this was what you wanted to do?" I really didn't want to know any details about it, but if I didn't ask, it would make it seem as if I wasn't comfortable with the thought of him married...which was so the case.
"A few days ago," he said softly, staring at the road in front of him. "I can't imagine living without her. She means the world to me, Jo." I nodded, turning my head and looking outside the passenger's side window. I didn't want him to see me cry over him...I didn't want him to know that my drunken stupor was honest and that I would have done anything to be with him.
What a pathetic life I lead.
We pulled into the plaza a few minutes later and I wiped my eyes as Landon exited the car and came around to my side of the car so we could share the umbrella. Upon opening my door, his dark brown eyes landed upon my tearstained face and his body stiffened. "What's wrong?" he asked, leaning against the doorframe, umbrella high over his head.
"Nothing," I sniffed. "I'm fine. I'll be fine. I'm just...emotional. It's that time of the month, ya know?"
The feeble grin he gave me let me know he didn't quite understand why I was so upset, but periods tend to be a nice way to drop the subject. They make boys nervous. I got out of the car and shut my door, as we rushed towards the door of the jewelers. Landon's hand landed on my back as we went along and I nearly stopped dead in my tracks. It was meant to be a comforting gesture, but anymore these days, anything he did that was somewhat personal, sent me into a tizzy.
When we were finally inside the store, a kind old man behind the counter gave us a smile. "Wet outside, huh?" he asked, warmly.
"Yeah," Landon said, laughing as he shut the umbrella and set it near the door. "Damn Pennsylvania weather." The two smiled at one another and the old man clasped his hands together.
"Can I help you two today?"
"We're looking at engagement rings," Landon said, suddenly nervous to even broach the topic.
"Well congratulations to you two..." the man began.
"Oh no," I butt in, before he could say anymore. "We aren't the engaged couple. I'm helping him pick out a ring for his girl."
"Ohhh...well in that case..."
Landon went over to where the old man was standing and began discussing rings with him...what he thought he wanted and the price he was willing to pay for his ring. I stepped up to one of the cases and began to look inside. I was nearly blinded by the sparkling gems inside, but I smiled anyway. I'd always admired the way jewelers could place stones and create settings. Whether it was a necklace or a ring or a pair of earrings, jewelry in itself was an art form. I went from case to case, admiring various pieces...broaches in the shapes of butterflies with ruby and sapphire encrusted wings waiting to be given to someone's grandmother...diamond drop earrings in white gold, the likes that Jennifer Lopez herself would wear...sparkling engagement rings just waiting to seal a promise of love and a great future to come.
And I was suddenly hit with how alone I was going to be soon. Landon would be planning a wedding and getting married...leaving next to no time to hang out with me. Morgan had never really liked me to begin with, so I wouldn't be invited over for dinner often, anymore. Kids would come soon enough...and with his band obligations to fill, Landon just wouldn't have any time for me.
But things change...people change...situations change...and as much as I hated it, I couldn't stop time or force it to go back and change. I was going to have to accept it...even if it made me miserable. Sighing at the thought, I looked into a case of rings, just waiting to be sold. I looked at band after band, until my eyes stopped suddenly on one ring. It was resting towards the bottom of the case and was so simple, but so elegant, it snagged my attention. An emerald cut diamond sat in between two deep sapphires on a band of platinum so simple in nature, but so perfect all around.
If I were getting engaged, it was the one ring I wouldn't mind wearing the rest of my life. I must have been smiling to myself, because the next thing I knew, Landon was standing next to me, gazing down at the ring. "You like that one, huh?" he asked, pointing at the diamond and sapphire ring.
I could lie to him or I could tell the truth...and I thought a ring was an awfully stupid thing to lie over, so instead, I said, "Yeah. I do."
"Would that be the ring you'd want if a guy were proposing?"
I nodded dumbly as I continued to stare at the ring. I didn't even know that Landon figured this would be an appropriate ring, until he had the jeweler pull it out of the case so he could look closer at it.
A sudden flash popped into my head of Morgan wearing that ring...my ring and I felt a pang of jealousy rip through me. He couldn't give her that ring...he just couldn't.
But as he continued speaking to the jeweler and staring at the ring, I knew he was going to. As much as I liked that ring, Landon liked it too...and I guess he thought his soon to be fiancée would too.
"I'll meet you in the car," I said to him, choking down a sob, as I left him behind, entered the rain, and walked out of his life.

.-*-.

Three days after the horrible ring fiasco, Landon still hadn't called me. All I knew was that he'd bought the ring and that he was going to propose to Morgan, but I didn't know how or when or any of those details...
Not that I wanted to.
In fact, I'd been pushing the thought so far out of my mind that my boss commended me on all of my hard work. I'd given him a sad smile and asked for more. It seemed work was the only way that I could forget about Landon and Morgan and the whole situation.
To put it simply and easily...
I was an emotional train wreck.
He knew I loved him and he was still going to marry her.
I'm sure others can relate to my situation. You know...nice girl is best friends with a guy and eventually falls for him and just sits in the back, awaiting a pat on the head or even a hug...and knowing she'll never get it. Her expectations are just set too damn high and he'll never acknowledge her feelings as anything more than friendship.
It really blows, if you've never been there.
It was just turning into six at night, when my phone rang at my desk.
"Hello?" I asked, typing away, not really into the call.
"Jo?"
My fingers stilled at the keyboard. "Yeah, Landon?"
"Are you busy tonight?"
Sure. If by busy he meant sitting in front of my TV in crappy clothes, stuffing myself full of Ben and Jerry's.
"No."
"Listen...I'm going to propose tonight...but...I really just wanted to see you before I do."
His words cut into me and I felt my eyes fill with tears. "Uh...yeah. That should be okay."
"Will you be home at seven?"
"I can be."
"Good. I'll meet you then."
We both hung up our phones and I collapsed backwards into my seat, totally defeated. This was it...our friendship, our jokes, our talks about any and everything, were over that night. He was going on to another part of his life and leaving me behind...and there was nothing I could do to stop him.
And for the first time since he'd bought that stupid ring, I totally lost it and started crying my eyes out.

.-*-.

I walked up the stairs to my apartment that night instead of deciding to take the elevator to the eleventh floor. The last thing I wanted to do was see Landon pre-proposal, excited and nervous. I'd spent the last hour crying and my eyes were red and puffy and my demeanor was a mess. How the hell was I going to face him? I should have told him that we had a deadline to make at work.
When it couldn't be put off any longer, I slid my key into the lock and stepped into the darkness that met me inside my apartment...
Except it wasn't dark.
There were candles of various shapes and sizes set out all over the apartment lit and casting odd shadows off my navy walls. I walked down the front hallway and into the living room where most of the candles were lit. What the hell was going on and why was such a fire hazard spread all over my apartment?
I stopped dead in my tracks when a pair of heavy hands landed on my shoulders from behind. I looked down at one and recognized the Celtic ring I'd given Landon on his eighteenth birthday. "What is this?" I asked, softly, totally baffled as to what was going on.
Landon's fingers were massaging the muscles in my shoulders and avoiding my question, he said, "God, you're tense."
"I had a long day." What an understatement. Work, work, work, phone call that the love of your life is going to ask another girl to marry him.breakdown. Yeah. I'd had quite the day.
"Jo," Landon whispered, right into my ear. This simple action sent this chill down my spine and I wanted to just back up into him and have him wrap his arms up in me. Like that would ever happen. I shut my eyes and took a deep breath, instead, willing myself to calm down.
"What is this, Landon?" I asked, pulling away from his touch and distancing us by putting the couch in between us.
It was the first time I actually got to look at him. He was all dressed up for the occasion in a pair of black dress pants, a black dress shirt, and a red tie. His hair was spiked expertly and all in all, he looked really classy...especially compared to my worn jean skirt and the dress top I had on for work that was wrinkled. My hair was a mess and my make up was ruined from my tears.
"Have you been crying, Jo?" he asked, totally avoiding my question. He started walking towards me, but I backed away. "What's wrong?"
"It doesn't matter," I said softly.
Landon didn't understand the signals I was sending him, though...the signals to just go away and leave me alone, as he stepped forward, trapping me against the wall, and wrapping me into his arms in a hug. The move was so sudden, so simple, that it totally took me by surprise. I hugged him back, enjoying for that brief moment the feel of his strong arms around me and the way that my head fit underneath his chin. In that instant, I could pretend he was mine...not Morgan's...and that he wanted to marry me.
But I couldn't keep pretending like this, so I pulled out of his arms and backed away from him slowly, trying not to notice how the candlelight flicked off his eyes or how his skin was a deep tan that you only get from the sun. "What is this, Landon?" I repeated again.
He gave me a shy grin and shrugged. "What do you think it is?"
"Some kind of sick joke."
"It's not. Really. I promise it's not, Jo."
"Then what are all the candles for."
"They set the mood."
"And what mood is that?"
"The mood for a proposal."
The words nearly knocked me over. If this was the mood for a proposal...why was he in my apartment? Where was Morgan? Why wasn't he with her?
"Landon, this really isn't funny," I began, tears filling up my eyes. "And I really don't appreciate you making jokes at my expense."
"What do you mean?"
He began walking towards me again and this time I sidestepped him entirely. "Knock it out," I whispered. "Quit making me feel like you care what I think about you getting engaged."
"But I do care, Jo."
"I don't know why," I spat out. "It's not like my feelings are a part of your relationship with Morgan."
The silence was deafening for a minute before Landon said, "That's true. Really.because Morgan's relationship with me is no longer a factor.especially of ours."
"And what does that mean?"
"It means, I broke up with her a week ago, Jo."
This confession surprised the hell out of me. "Why didn't you tell me? Why did you say you were going to propose tonight?"
"Because I am."
The words still weren't making any sense.
"Jo, I'm going to propose to you."
Well now. That was surprising. I gave the upper hand to him by not responding. He took the chance to make his move and before I knew it, he was kneeling in front of me, ring box in hand.
"Wait," I said, shaking my head, tears falling down my cheeks. "Why are you doing this, Landon? You don't even love me."
"Oh Jo," he said softly, standing up, and pulling me into another hug. "You silly fool." He wasn't making any sense. I almost feared he was on something. "I love you, Jo." The words made me inhale sharply and I wanted to pull away and push him out of my apartment. He was lying. As if reading my thoughts he said, "And I'm not lying. I love you. I don't love Morgan...I never did. I love you." His arms tightened and I tilted my face up to look into his eyes. "I never thought you'd love me, Josephine...so when you said all those things to me, I knew you couldn't be lying. You always did speak your mind when you were drunk...so I broke it off with Morgan and I made you go out with me to buy an engagement ring...your engagement ring."
"But Landon," I began, totally baffled.
"Shhh..." he said, a small smile creeping onto his lips. "I didn't think you felt that way about me...so I shut you off. I dated around...but none of them are you...none of them. Your negative reaction to the engagement rings only solidified it in my mind."
"What's that?"
"That you love me too."
I felt my cheeks heat up. "I was drunk."
"But you don't make things up."
The whole thing made my head spin. The confession...the events of the previous week...the thought that Landon for some insane reason loved me the way I loved him.
And suddenly I was the happiest girl alive.
He loved me.
Without further thought, I pulled his head towards mine and joined our lips together. The funny thing was that it wasn't strange to kiss my best friend...and it wasn't strange when he deepened it and pulled me even closer to him.
It just felt right for once.
When he pulled away and looked at me, the smile that lit up his face was beautiful. Slowly, he held one of my hands and sank to his knees. Opening the ring box he'd had previously, my eyes were met with diamonds and sapphires...
And before he could even ask the question, my mouth managed to form one word.
"Yes."