Every Cloud Has A Silver Lining

Every silver lining comes with a cloud
By Tim ParkerÓ2005

MONDAY: 7am
The alarm clock beeped its shrill high pitched tones. Adam rolled out of bed and tried to put his brain in gear, but that was never easy for Adam. On Friday night he’d celebrated his twentieth birthday. But alone, and at home, as his one and only friend Danny was too busy to see him. Adam was slightly worried about no longer being a teenager. He felt the World would now expect him to act as an adult. And Adam wasn’t sure he was ready for that.

After scraping through university Adam had landed a job working in the foreign rights department for a small publisher in London. Adam’s salary was not large enough to afford a mortgage, not enough to afford anything really, so he had to rent a basement bed sit in one of the less desirable parts of South West London.

Apart from his low pay, life was all right for Adam, not very exciting, but he plodded along without a care in the World. His days and weeks melded into a blur as his routine never changed: get up, normally no time for breakfast, run to catch the bus, usually miss it. He’d arrive late at the office, then try to look busy until lunch time. Adam would go to the local pub for a quick pint and sandwich with a work colleague, or usually on his own. He would spend the afternoon trying not to fall asleep. At 5pm he would leave the office and run to catch the bus home, miss it, get home late, shove a convenience meal into the microwave, overcook it, and then slump in front of all the soaps on the TV, miss most, as he always fell asleep.

Adam doesn’t have a partner, it would complicate things too much. He has no hobbies as such, he reads a little bit, but not a lot. Adam doesn’t ask for much in life, and life doesn’t give him anything back.

But things are about to change. In fact although Adam doesn’t know it yet, things are going to change in the next few minutes.

As Adam had got out of bed early, he walked to the shop to get some milk and a newspaper. At least this morning, he would have time for a coffee and some cereal before going to work. As he walked into the shop he was greeted by the shop keeper, “Good morning my dear Sir, Have we not been to sleep?”
“Just up early today for a change Seb” replied Adam. He selected a newspaper, and got a pint of milk from the fridge and then realised he’d forgotten to bring any money with him.
“I’m so sorry Seb, I’ve no money on me, could you write it down in your book, and I promise I will bring you the money later?”
Seb sighed and pulled out a well worn note book from under the counter, and flicked through the pages.
“Well I suppose I can Sir, but you owe me thirty quid now, I cant let you have any more credit after this, until you pay me back.”

(1)


“Thirty quid?” said Adam, “Well I get paid this Friday Seb, I’ll bring you the money then after work. I promise I will Seb.”
“OK then Sir, just for you, but make sure you do” replied Seb, as he wrote the purchases into his note book. Adam thanked Seb and left the shop.
Adam liked reading his horoscope stars as he wandered home. He turned to the appropriate page.

‘Aquarius: Today as Venus is on the cusp of Uranus’ (he couldn’t help a school boy snigger) ‘misfortune and peril will befall you, but this will herald a dramatic life changing moment for you, as after misfortune, you will be enveloped in good fortune for the next two years’ he reads.

He didn’t really believe the stars, he knew it was all rubbish, and the predictions never came true. Which was strange, because Adam knew that the idea was to write in such a general way, that the chances were some bits would come true. But they never did for Adam. He often wondered dreamily if some one would pay him a huge salary to write such nonsense.

He is only ten yards from his door when he hears someone shouting.

“Look out! Get out the way!”

He turned round and for a split second realised he was about to be knocked down by a motorbike. He froze, there was a screech, a thudding noise, then darkness descended.

He came round in the hospital. He wasn’t seriously injured, a bit battered and bruised, and a broken leg. His cuts were cleaned and his leg was reset and plastered. The Police interviewed him about the accident, and he gave them a short statement, which was not of much use, as it all happened so fast, there was nothing he could tell them. He had no memory of the incident.

The only witness to the accident had told the police the motor cyclist had mounted the pavement, and hit Adam from behind. The bike ended up in a hedge and the rider went over the hedge into a front garden and landed head first into a small pond. Koi fish and pond weed were scattered everywhere. The biker struggled to his feet, picked up the floundering Koi, and one by one carefully placed them back in the pond. When he saw Adam lying in the road, he quickly pulled his motorbike out of the hedge and drove off without stopping to see if Adam was dead or alive. The Police were not too hopeful of catching the biker, as the witness was an elderly man with poor eyesight.

Armed with a prescription for pain killers and a pair of crutches, and after a thorough examination by the casualty doctor, he was allowed home in the afternoon. Adam’s mobile phone had miraculously survived the accident intact. More of a miracle was that Adam had just enough credit on it to ‘phone for a taxi. After half an hour wait the taxi appeared, and took him home.

(2)


The taxi driver helped him to his front door and very kindly supported him and guided him to his sofa.

“You stay there mate, I’ll just get your crutches from the cab, won’t be a min’.”

A few seconds later the driver returned with the crutches, and picked Adam’s post up from the matt.

“Here you go Gov.’ here’s your crutches, and this may cheer you up, look, you’ve won a prize.”

“Yeah, yeah, as if.” Replied Adam. He paid the taxi driver out of his spare change penny jar, and thanked him. He even tipped him two pounds, he was just so glad to be back home. The driver looked at the mound of brass and said “Right mate....err... Don’t worry about the tip, it looks as though you need it more than I do. Don’t get up Gov, I will see myself out”, and with that he left with his pockets bulging and rattling with change.

Adam phoned the office, and gave his manager the news. His manager didn’t seemed too bothered. He actually sounded a little bit relieved that Adam wouldn’t be back for four weeks. Adam was unsure how to take the comment “Don’t worry Adam, I’m sure your absence will not really be noticed, we may even cope better without you here. Take as long as you need, of course after ten days you won’t get paid.”

Adam looked at the envelope, and opened it. The letter informed him that he’d won a years supply of dog food. Oh! he thought, what the hell is this all about? It’s probably one of these things where you have to ring a premium rate number, he threw the letter in the bin and thought no more about it.

Ten minutes later his door bell rang, he staggered on his crutches to the door to be confronted by a van driver.

“I’ve got thirty cases of dog food for you pal, Oh..... you’ve been in the wars, you broken your leg or something?”

“Er...Oh... right. Yeah, got knocked down by a motorbike this morning, just a few bruises and a broken leg.” Replied Adam. “But OK really.”

“Bloody hell, well....No worries mate, I’ll bring the cases into the hall for you.”

“Well....er, did u say dog food?”

“Yeah I did mate, thirty cases of them. You must have a big dog mate”



(3)


“Well that’s the problem, I haven’t got a dog. Are you sure you’ve got the right name and address?”

“You’re Adam Smith, number 48?”

“Well yes, er....that’s me all right” said Adam, “but as I said, I haven’t got a dog” repeated Adam

“Got to deliver it pal, can’t take it back undelivered, it’s more than my job’s worth. I’ll bring the stuff in for you mate, I’ll just stack it in the hall for you...OK?”

“Oh, well yes, thank you, I suppose so, how strange.”

After the driver had gone, Adam inspected the letter closely, but couldn’t make head nor tale of it. It plainly said he’d been picked at random from millions of names of dog owners, and he’d won first prize. Which was all very nice, but Adam didn’t have a dog, he had a goldfish, which he was fairly certain couldn’t be fed dog food.

It continued on to be a strange week.

FRIDAY
(Phone) “Hi it’s Danny here, sorry I can’t take your call, I’m far too busy at the moment, but if you’d like to leave a message after the tone, I’ll get back to you. If it’s really...really urgent and you know my mobile number, then give me a ring on that.” BEEP!

“Oh...er...hi Danny, it’s Adam here, can you give me a quick ring when you are not so busy....it’s fairly urgent. Meanwhile I’ll try and get you on your mobile.”

Adam dialled Danny’s mobile number, but just got his voice mail. He didn’t leave a message. Oh well, I will return the call when he’s not soooo busy Adam thought sarcastically. Immediately His ‘phone rang.

“Hello?”
“Hi Adam, Danny here, just noticed I had a missed call from you, you OK?”
“No, not really”
“Your leg playing you up, or are you just bored?”
“Neither Danny, but I could do with your help, if you’re not too busy.”
“Hey no probs’ Adam, I’ve got the day off work, rang in this morning, said I’d got a stomach upset, which is sort of true, but really had the hangover from hell this morning, heavy night last night.”
“So could you come round to see me? I’m not very mobile at the moment, but could do with your help.”
“Yeah sure, I will be there in about ten minutes, see you then Adam.”
“Cheers Danny, see you then.”

(4)



Adam had met Danny at university, and they’d been best friend since then. Danny had always been the go getting type, and after university got a good job working for a well known Public Relationship company in London. They got together a couple of times a month for a meal and to catch up with each others news. Well...more like catch up with Danny’s hectic life style, as Adam rarely had anything to report.

As good as his word Danny arrived and let himself in to Adam’s bed sit. They had each other keys, in case one or the other ever lost theirs. Danny, had never lost his, but on many occasions Adam called on Danny to come round and let him in.

“So what’s up Adam?” Adam passed Danny an envelope.

“Just open that up for me please Danny.”

“I’m sure you didn’t call me round just to open your junk mail” said Danny.

“Go on, just open it” said Adam.

Danny looked at the envelope, then at Adam and said “You know it’s a big con’, every one receives letters like this. I got one last week saying I’d won a brand new 9 series sports BMW, even had the ignition key, log book and everything.....”.

“I know but....” Adam tried to interject.

“....All I had to do was phone this premium rate number, and the car was mine. Turned out I’d won a weekend break in Clacton, one star accommodation for free, but had to pay for my meals. Total value of prize...around £60, so it said, cost of ‘phone call, £9, petrol to Clacton and back £45, and I had to pay for three meals a day...some prize”, said Danny.

“I know, but just open it.”

Danny shrugged and tore open the envelope, and reads the letter. “It says you’ve won the latest Hi-Tech home entertainment systems. It’s not for real is it? Never is.”

Adam sighed, “It’s real OK, but won’t be of any use. None of the prizes are. There’s always a problem with each one.”

“How do you mean...a problem with each one?”

“That’s the third Hi-Tech prize I’ve won this week. The problem is the prize is always like the prototype or something. And because it’s made in Korea, or where ever, it only works on 120 volt systems, so no use in this country.”


(5)


“Bloody Hell” said Danny. “Couldn’t you get some sort of transformer and run it like that?”

“Well I could, but they cost about fifty pounds, they are about the size of a car battery, and the CD and DVD formats are set for Asia, so wouldn’t play any European ones.”

“And as for a BMW car, I won that too, it was delivered yesterday. I can’t drive, I’ve never even taken any driving lessons, and even if I could drive it, I couldn’t afford the insurance on that type of car in London, and where would I park it? Of course it’s left hand drive as well.”

“Bloody Hell” said Danny again. “So what did you do with the car?”

“Couldn’t do anything with it, it was clamped after a couple of hours, then towed away, will cost me £600 to get it back. And as it’s not yet registered in my name, they will send it straight back to BMW.” said Adam.

“That’s not all” said Adam. “If you look at that pile of letters on the coffee table, if will give you an idea on what’s going on”.

Danny sifted through the letters, they all said the same thing more or less, CONGRATULATIONS! You Have Won.......There was about twenty of them.” This one says you’ve won a years supply of dog food! and you haven’t even got a dog!” exclaimed Danny.

“I know. This all started five days ago. Early on Monday morning whilst reading my stars, I got ran over by that motorbike. The stars said something about peril followed by good fortune. Since then, every day I get ‘phone calls and loads of post telling me I’ve won all these things, and the strange thing is, I really have. But they are no good, there’s always some sort of catch.”

“Bloody Hell” says Danny.

“Oh for God’s sake Danny, can you please stop just standing there gawping and saying bloody hell, just sit down and help me go through this lot”.

Danny sits down and looks at another letter. “Well this one’s quite useful, it says you’ve won a years supply of toilet paper.”

“Look closer Danny, the quantity is calculated for a years supply for a family of six. They reckon that’s three toilet rolls a day, that’s over a thousand toilet rolls, where the hell am I going to store all those? Not only that, it’s that hard toilet paper, the sort we used to have at school.”


(6)



“Oh” said Danny. “Well this one looks OK, you’ve won a Caribbean cruise, for a month, all expenses paid. Wow! What’s wrong with that?”

“The cruise departs this Saturday” said Adam.

“That’s not a problem, they’ll probably have a luxury wheelchair that you can whiz about in, just go for it, you’ve got the time off work.”

Adam sighed, “That’s not the problem, Danny, I don’t have a passport. And I’ve never had one”

“Oh dear” said Danny, “So what’s wrong with this one then? You’ve won the latest designer speedboat?”

“Yeah, I know, twenty foot long, thought I’d store that in the shared bathroom” said Adam sarcastically.

“Ah yes...but” said Danny, “It’s worth five thousand pounds, once it’s delivered, I could put it in my garage for you until you sell it. Quick sale get the cash...say two and a half thousand, there...that’s a useful prize.”

Adam shook his head “You didn’t read to the end of the letter Danny.”

“Looks cool to me, says you’ve won five thousand pound speedboat, erm, blah blah blah, erm....ah here we go, Winner agrees to collect prize from boat yard, and pose for publicity shots, no probs’ with that, in...oh...I see, in America, and blah blah blah, er...winner fully responsible for arranging for boat to be delivered to their home address, and paying for all freight costs. Oh....that could be very expensive.”

“More than the boat’s worth” said Adam.

The ‘phone rang.

“Hello” said Adam.

“Yep, that’s me...........OK....oh right.....deliver it when you like, I’m in all next week....just one thing though..do you actually fix it in...oh thought not, well send it anyway, I’ll sell it or something....yep that’s my address...well cheers then..bye, oh right, yep I understand publicity stuff, OK bye then...yep bye”.

“Who was that?” asked Danny.

“That was B&Q, I’ve won a complete kitchen.”



(7)


“Well that’s just great Adam” says Danny, “So why the glum look, what could possibly could be wrong with that?”

“I rent this bed sit, the prize is all the kitchen units, but B&Q won’t fit it in for you, even if I had a kitchen, you have to pay someone to do the work. I can’t afford that even if the landlord would allow the building work. To rub salt into the wounds, they want me to stand in one of their display kitchens, stand there smiling, pretending I’m in my new kitchen whilst they take photographs of the happy winner for use in their next store competition.” Adam sighed, “I would be the only bloke in London who lives in a kitch-sit.”

**********************************************************
Tokyo Japan

It’s 9pm, and Okito switches his computer off and locks his office door. He heads for home squashed into the underground train with all the other Japanese late night workers. He’s had a good day, and can’t wait to tell his wife and children the good news. His manager had called him into his office first thing this morning. This was very unusual to meet face to face, as most dealings with his manager were though the internal company email system.

Okito’s manager praised his work, and offered Okito a larger office, promotion, and a twenty percent increase in his salary.

Okito had spent months designing a software program, and it had been very successful. Business’s from all round the World were flocking to his company to buy the program. The program searched databases of all global utility companies, and then selected countries, areas and names at random.

It would have been impossible to make any program truly random, as with no direction it would search for ever, with no results.

So he’d designed the programme to search all the Worlds’ countries for town names beginning with the initials K and U, after the first two initials of his children. To try and randomise further, Okito had used two points of the compass, West and South. He was nineteen when he married his sweetheart, so he put a bias on that number. The next step Okito was rather proud of, the program looked for street names with a Japanese connection, and a house number the same as his age.

Although Okito was not a Christian, he knew a little bit about the Bible, so he threw in the name Adam. He liked this because the theory goes this was the start of humankind. He’d spent sometime in England in his gap year, and had travelled around a lot on the rail network over the year. He was always very impressed by the station book and magazine stalls, so added Smith to the melting pot. In all he added over a thousand words for the program to mull over. He was confident his software would meet the requirements that had been set by his company.

(8)



What Okito didn’t know was, there was a flaw in the program.

Computers are very good at putting things in a logical order, so as soon as the programme started to search, it put these letters together and decided to only search utility company databases in The United Kingdom. It looked at West and South and decided South West would be better. The more times the program was used , the quicker it became, as it disregarded all its previous searches. It minimised its on-line time to become ultra efficient. And provided truly random search results to all who requested the service. Or so Okito’s company thought.

So Adam Smith at 48 Jasmine Close SW19 residing in The United Kingdom was going to get a lot of interesting post over the next two years.


ÓTim Parker