Survivor

Chapter 1



This is a story of survival. Only problem is, this doesn’t follow format from previous ones before it. It’s actually totally opposite from what you may have ever imagined. Survival is not a term I use to live, but instead a term I use for retreat. Yes, I am a coward, but soon I will be a dead coward. This is my last will and testament.



When you’ve seen the light at the end of the tunnel, where does understanding start and ignorance end? How can you truly comprehend something that is bigger than you are? Why even try? These are questions I have asked myself over and over and over. I have yet to answer them and this is one of the main reasons I’m about to put this 12 gauge in my mouth and pull the trigger.



I’m not a trivial man. I’m the type of person that only sees the hands in front of his face. I don’t feel I’m the only one like this either, because if that were so, someone wouldn’t have done just what I’m fixing to do. Yes, it’s sad. Someone kills themselves every 30 seconds in this country and it’s a crying shame. Sound sarcastic? Well, it is. I’m sympathetic. I feel what they feel and it feels good. Almost like a release is coming and all this confusion will just dissipate into oblivion.



If you're contemplating suicide, it's not for you. It's not something you think about, because the more you do, the less you want to do it. It's more like a decision that you've already made and just trying to find the right time to do it so it won't be too much of an inconvenience.



It's all very simple. There are no second chances in this life; I've learned this the hard way. Whoever reads this, I pray that you will never suffer the same fate. And if you are wondering what this is all about, let me tell you a story.





Chapter 2



It all started on a rainy Friday night when I was driving with my family in the car. Going through an intersection, a truck skidded through the red light and collided with us. Due to the massive collision, I was knocked unconscious. The next thing I realized was that I was lying in a hospital bed. Immediately, I started screaming, "Where am I? Where is my family?" After hearing my screams, a doctor and nurse entered the room and asked me to calm down. They informed me that I was in a terrible car crash and that I was the only survivor. After those words dropped like bombs on my heart, I cried in disbelief.



As the days passed, the loss began to feel more painful than the damage done to my body. I didn't eat and I couldn't sleep. All I could think about was my wife and children. Danny, my oldest son, was only days away from his thirteenth birthday. He would never experience being a teenager or the eighth grade. Chase, my youngest son, was only four. He would never experience going to school or having the full life of a child. Brianna, my wife, was pregnant with our third child. Life was robbed from both of them. All of it was taken in a blink of an eye.



All I could do was sit in that hospital bed and blame God. I would tell him, "Why did you do this to us? We spent our whole life believing in you and this is how you repay us? I taught my kids that you were merciful. Where is that mercy now? I am in Hell!" I couldn't understand why I was left behind. It made no sense.



Over the next few months, I struggled with the loss as I completed physical therapy. The days were long and my road to recovery was never ending, but the hospital thought it was time for me to go. So, I left and went home to an empty house.





Chapter 3



Everyday as I walked around the house, I saw how empty it really was. Seeing Danny's room, I couldn't help but laugh, as I remembered Brianna telling him a hundred times to clean it up. While sitting in my recliner, I'd cry when I saw the empty living room floor where Chase use to play. Then, after walking into the bedroom, where Brianna and I created life for the third time, seemed too much to stomach.



All I could feel was pain swelling up inside of me. I felt desperate. I needed hope. I wanted closure. At that moment, I fell to the floor. I crawled over to the bed and prayed to God with all of my heart, mind and soul. I told him that I couldn't make it any longer without them. I pleaded for it all back. I told him that Hell was a better place than this.



As I continued to kneel there, I gave up on those tears of hope. I was sick and tired of being alone. My family didn't deserve what happened and I didn't deserve this either. I finally decided it was enough and I had to finish it. I raised myself up and walked over to the cabinet and pulled out my 12 gauge. I loaded it with ammo and here I am.



This is my last will and testament. I pray for the souls who have endured what I have been through. Goodbye.





Chapter 4



What, what is, what the...Am I dead? My vision is blurred, and I hear voices. Please God, what is this?



Wait, my vision is starting to clear. I see three young men and a woman standing around me inside a hospital room. In shock, I ask, "Where is my family?"



The woman says, "We're your family."



"No, where are my children?"



The woman replies, "These are your children and I am your wife."



I think to myself, this can't be. It just can't be! Surprised, I ask, "Where is Danny and little Chase? Where is Brianna?"



All of a sudden, the youngest of the three men starts crying. I can't understand what's happening. I want to see my children and all I see is people I don't recognize. The three young men continue standing there confused, and the woman comes over and sits on the bed next to me.



She says, "Darling, I am your wife, Brianna. This older gentlemen here is your first-born son, Danny. The one standing next to him is Chase and the one with tears in his eyes is Adam. You have never seen Adam before. He wasn't born until after that terrible car crash sixteen years ago. You've been in a coma ever since."



"Did you say I've been in a coma for sixteen years?"



She says, "Yes, you were nearly killed when that truck hit us. It was a miracle we all survived."