Cut S0 D33p

Cut So D33p

"Please don't tell," I muttered as I screwed my eyes together like nails taking too hard of a pounding. It hurt so bad. I was starting to give up and my walls were gradually being knocked down. I was even at a point where I was begging on the floor. I mean, what the HELL? People always bowed down to me.

"Too bad I'm pulling all the strings here Kalyn. You came off as such a nice, innocent girl," she sneered in my ear.

How does she know my name dammit! wanting me to ask how she knows all this crap HA!-"Kill me if you want, but you're not gonna get anything out of it and neither am I. All you'll be is a murderer. Trust me, guilt's gonna-"

She let out a little hysterical laugh. "If I wanted ta kill you, you'd be gone already. Fed to the dogs out back. I saved you and your pathetic excuse of a life."

"I'd rather die," I spat at her and started fumbling for a needle in my pocked filled with fih an instant killing drug. She's funta play with. Anyone could tell there's not even a single bullet in that gun. wonder what she wants........

"I have video cameras all in here connected to the government so I couldn't lay a finger on you even if I tried. Even a pro like me can't edit a shooting before the cops are on me." Tch cops.

"I could. But then again, I'd be dead wouldn't I?"

"Don't even TRY injecting yourself," she glared daggers at me as I inched the needle closer to my skin.

"Want me ta inject you then? Fih makes you high and happy very quick."

"My oh my, are you an expert on drugs. So tell me, whatever were you doing sneaking into my house?" Like she didn't know. What a bitch. Tryin ta get me ta confess hah.

"You work for 501?"

"501 International?" she asked all innocently. "Yeah right."

"You know, most average people don't know what 501 is. They only know what I5 is aka 501 International," I grinned despite of myself.

"And you're Kalyn T."

"There's plenty of Kalyn T's in this world. You hada 1/26 chance of guessin my last name correctly. Pretty damn good odds now if you ask me. I mean, it's written RIGHT ON MY PANTS."

"The drugs in your pockets are a little bulgy. I'd rethink it next time you decide to intrude. Selling illegal drugs. SO smart of you Tay."

"Mommy! Can you tuck me in?" waltzed a little girl about the age of 8. Yuck. Little kids.

"1 second honey," replied the lady as she struggled to hold the gun to my head while trying to pry the little girl off her leg. I can't believe I wore pants with my name on them. Only flaw today. Flaw fuckkkkk.........

"Ok, what d'ya want?" I asked her knowing this was the end. I'd hafeta give into her requests...whatever it was....

"Giving up so soon?" She was shocked as she looked up from fighting with her little girl.

"Yea, you know my name, you know I smuggle and sell drugs, so what d'ya want from me?"

"It's pretty simple actually. Just push my little girl around in a wheelchair for a few years...maybe two."

"THAT little girl? She's not even inna wheelchair."

"I mean, my other girl. Veronica. She's in bed. I'll send her to you tomorrow if you're willing to go through with the deal."

"How old is she?"

"Is eight a problem for you?"

"No, not at all," I lied straight through my teeth. Little kids should seriously...just ugh. How the hell am I supposedta drag her around all day for two years? Do I raid people's houses with a girl in a WHEELCHAIR? what THE fuck.....


Trudging home, I knew I made a big mistake. I never made mistakes, but I had no choice this time. Stopping at a street corner, I leaned against a street sign and looked back at the house. It was the only house outta many that looked alive. The rest were just plain...dead. The houses in that neighborhood were all built the same, but they all lacked life. Except for that lady's of course. It was like living in a tomb. If I lived in this neighborhood, it'd feel like I was being buried alive. The closeness...the suffocation of it all made me shudder. I mean, the houses were what? Less than a foot apart?

Staring dead ahead, all the houses seemed to be laughing at me. Mocking me and moving farther and further apart. They were. Trying to rise up against me. All these wasted away houses with smoky bricks. But then....then the light of one house winked at me. On and off....on and offf......and a little girl with beady eyes stared at me and looked into my very soul. It felt like death stabbing my soul before deciding what the hell to do with me. Bony fingers touched that little window as she smilied and waved.

Veronica...

I ran the resta the way home.

Oh fuck. I even have school tomorrow. Groaning as I slipped through my window, I slipped straight into bed temporarily forgetting about her. I just lay in bed listening to my own heartbeat as the walls seem to come alive. They always do. Wish I could just cut my heart out n shut it UP. ............... I reached under my pillow for my bottle of ACI when my hand touched something cold and rusty. Dammit. After swallowing a few ACI, I lulled my brain to sleep.

"Kalyn honey, it’s time to wake up!” rattled my mom with her cooking pans downstairs.

“Ughh,” I replied. I was never a morning person.

I could hear her marching up the stairs with her pans clacking every step of the way. 5. 4. 3. 2. 1- “KALYN!!!” she screamed in her high-pitched voice while doing her pan dance. It was all so VERY gay. Not in happy.

“5 more minutes!” I yelled from underneath my covers.

“Don’t make me hurt you...” she threatened.

And I was outta bed in less than a second. With our house, you’d never know what could happen. Child abuse wasn’t very high on my happy list and believe me, having your parents degrade you and hurt you at the same time makes it hurt THAT much more. And besides, they still didn’t have a clue. I really couldn’t imagine what they’d do if they found out. She clacked her way back downstairs without another word. That was all she was really good for. Waking me up every morning.

I pulled on a long sleeve Underoath t-shirt like everyday and some jeans before darting downstairs and out the door to the bus. The stench of cigarettes tailed me outta the house.

“Kalyn! Just the girl I wanted ta see on this fine day. How are ya?” greeted Zep at the bus stop.

No reply.

“Look, I’m sorry bout the other day...”

Silence is deafening. You should damn well be.

“Fine, AND the past few years.” I couldn’t look at him. He, this bastard, was my one, deadly mistake. One of my only ones too. “Can you please just forgive me?” he pleaded and I knew that if I looked up, his eyes would scream the saddest apology I could ever hear.

Still nothing.

“Nice choker Kalyn,” he tried again. “It really brings out the violet in your eyes. The same eyes that told me everything.”

“You gave it to me.”

“Yea I know. Look...the whole pen accident. I swear, Drew made me do it.”

“He made you spill ink all over me and get caught with a fuckin death letter?”

“It was all bullshit. He made it all up. I swear.”

If only he knew......Such naive people nowadays.....

“I’ll-I’ll make it upta you...”

“You’ll...” And then I looked up. He looked the same as always. Zep was a fountain of happiness with joy radiating off every inch of his body. His dark brown hair fell lazily over his eyes and pretty much all over, but his eyes. His eyes. They never lied. The pain in them panged me with guilt. Dammit. Never should’ve looked at him...

“I’ll um-” and then the bus screeched to a stop and I jumped on before he could finish. Truth is, I was scared of what he was gonna say. I was never an emotionally stable person. Kinda out there I guess you could say. I was just good at talking my way out. That was the only thing I was good at too....

I sat in the same seat as everyday. Smack dab up front. Closest to the bus driver. In case anything stupid happens. Just sitting in that seat made me feel like a red fish swimming a sea of blue ones. And guess what, these fish even wanted to drown me. Fish were always nasty creatures and that's why humans enjoy suffocating them and poking their eyeballs out. It's amazing how one fish carcass at dinner could make me feel insecure. Before I sat down, I knew Zep was talking to Drew. I couldn't even look up or I'd fall into a deadly trap.

"Kalyn!" shouted Drew a few seats behind me. I tried to push his voice under the sea of waves and hoped it would wash away with the tide. "KALYN!!" But no, it broke the surface.

"WHAT?" I hissed at him as I turned around in my seat.

"I'm sorry about the other day," he said. And out of the corner of my eye, I could catch Zep apologizing to me with his eyes. He always had a way of persuading other people to do things.

"That's one hella lie," I bit back at him.

"No it's not. It's the truth I swear it."

"Those are pretty big words coming from a fucktard like you." Say the rest Drew.

"No, I'm actually serious this time," he smirked. DAMMIT! I want Zep to catch every word of this venom leaking outta your fuckin mouth.

"Don't lie ta me again."

"Tch. I've never lied ta you before."

"Damn you're good," I whispered. "I just want you to say what you actually mean for once Drew. Seriously."

And I spent the resta the bus ride contemplating this little flaw. Nothing could get done with Drew in the way.....but it's not like I could just kill him if I wanted to. I wish it were just that easy.

"Hey sexy," he said, leaning against my locker, not letting my close it.

"Fuck. Off," I whispered.

"I'd luvta fuck off...and I'd luvta fuck you," he grinned perversely.

"What'd ya want? A favor?"

"C'mon, I don't ask you for a lotta things."

"I know. You never ask for anything. You take it all by force." I could feel eyes burning into my back as other girls were probably wondering what I was doing with Drew. We didn't quite "click" if ya know what I mean.

"You want me to expose you for the bitch you really are?" he whispered in my ear.

"You said that last time-dumbass," though I kinda muttered the end to myself.

"So? You fell for it last time. And besides, I don't think anyone would wanna hear you cursing. Gonna ruin your rep."

No brilliant comeback of mine. >.<

"You also fell for me last time."

"I didn't fall for you. I fell for the person that I thought was you," I said.

"And you also fell for Zep."

"Actually, he fell DOWN on me one day. Tripped on the steps," I grinned.

"And what was it? Fate?"

"Yea, or it could've been pure luck." I seriously needed to stall for time before the first bell rang.

"Who d'ya like better? Me or Zep?"

"Hmm, that's a hard one," I said trying to contemplate the thought. Zep you smartass. 20 seconds dammti!

"What didya see in Zep anyways?"

"A lot more than I see in you." And with that, I darted to first period gym with my duffel bag slung over my shoulders.

The bell rang a lot louder than I thought it would've. Or maybe it was my mind playing tricks on me again.

"Wait, your bag looks a bit heavy." I started dashing wildly among the fucked up fish in the hallways with their beady eyes and naive smiles. I hadta lose the fisherman before I became bait. Ug. I've never been caught before...well, maybe...once BUT I was a good little fishy and jumped back into the sea before I got hooked.

And then Drew twisted my arm back. "Get offa me," I glared. He doesn't have me yet. "You'll be late for class," I stated simply my eyes darting around for some diversion.

"I'm skipping class today," and he twisted again. "And so are you."

It hurt like hell, but I wasn't about to become victim to a guy. I mean, COME ON. "Your mom's not gonna be very happy," I smirked as I kept walking and dragged him along. Then I broke off into a run. Stupid I know.

"Hey you! NO RUNNING IN THE HALLS!!" some hall patrol guy screamed at me while he started chasing me down the hall from the other end. I swerved slightly and disappeared into the big gym and locked the door. I could hear Drew and the other guy ram head on and Drew cursed loudly as he kept banging on the door.

"Very creative language Drew," I grunted as I sunk down to the floor with my back against the door and my head in my hands. Awhile later, I could hear Drew being dragged off and I heaved a sigh of relief. My mom wasn't gonna be very happy...

I just sat there and cried. For myself and my effed up excuse of a life. I seriously had none whatsoever. I just sat there.

Cold.

And very much alone.

In this puzzle, I was the piece that never fit quite right.


"Hello Kalyn," sneered Bella in my ear near lunchtime. "I'd never thought a nerd like you would cry." She giggled as venom leaked outta her mouth. I'm not gonna give her some performance. Just what they ALL want. And when I just sat there feeling stupid about myself, she kept going. "Especially in public. You're seriously gonna like ruin yourself. I was gonna invite you to try out to become a cheerleader but now, you look so pathetic."

Silence.

"O yea, what the hell were you doing with Drew this morning?"

"I don't wanna hurt you," I said looking up at her and was blinded by the shininess. The peppiness was fused with the bitchness and it made one hella a combination. "I don't wanna hurt your face."

"Then don't-"

"It looks bad enough already." She lunged at me with her perfectly manicured nails and she was the cat that finally got tired of playing with the mouse. She was sucha fiesty one.

"ATTENTION! May Drew Lita please report to the principle's office. That is all," announced the speaker and for those few brief seconds, Bella stopped to listen, and that gave me enough time ta throw her offa me.

"How'd you," she screamed while pouncing on me again ready for the kill and smacking my arm. I bit down on my lip until blood appeared so I could keep the blood curling scream down. Wow, never knew it hurt soooo mucho much

"get Drew in trouble?!" she finished while scratching her nails against my face. They scraped and dragged like a knife against a chalk board.

"Mind getting off Kalyn?" asked a voice from the other side of the gymnasium.

"Why ever would I do that? We're inna VERY serious talk and you-" and Bella turned around to see Zep. "You-can you tell me what Drew got in trouble for?" she asked politely while hopping off me and fixing her mini-skirt.

"Dude, chill. They just found his duffel bag," he grinned. "He ran into third period with it. Drove Ms. Rany mad as hell," he laughed. "You guys should've been there. You okay Kalyn?" he asked me while helping me up.

"Fine," I lied. Wow, sucha pretty word fulla lies.

"I've gotta go to-to cheerleading practice. See ya Zep!" she called as she bounced towards the door.

"You sure you still okay?" he asked again while staring me down.

"Yea," I muttered averting my eyes and wiping them on my sleeve.

"Well, then care to tell me why you were crying?"

"Do you want me to lie to you?"

"You never lie," he said while sliding down on the floor nexta me.

"Actually, that was a lie right there..."

"So anyways, I was kinda wondering...do you know why Drew kept muttering your name today?"

"Um," I quickly focused on the school banner across the gymnasium. And he just sat there waiting patiently for an answer. I sighed and decided to tell him the truth. "Did you find out what was in Drew's duffel bag?"

"Nope, the principle wouldn't tell us. Why-do you know what it was?"

"Um..kinda," I told him while staring as some dirt on the floor. And he just stared intently at me. I sighed again and continued on. I guess the game of hangman was over and he guessed all my letters right. "D.r.u.g.s." and I turned around so I couldn't face Zep anymore. It would've really hurt ta see his reaction.

"But you were-are so innocent," he half muttered to himself.

"That's what everyone thinks. It's a very hard reputation ta keep upta."

"But Kalyn-drugs isn't the answer. I mean, are you depressed or-" I shook my head.

"I don't think I am. Hopefully I'm not..."

"Do ya think Drew'll rat you out?"

"Can you just go away?" I snapped at him. I started staring at another wall and man was it interestin. The walls here were the only ones that heard me apologize ta the world. They screamed my screams and they bled in Technicolor. THey cried my cries and was my new crying shoulder. It was the only secure place left when everyone else just flowed on with life...and I was the straggler that tried to fight the current.

I watched with downcast eyes as his feet swooshed off in front of me. Please don't leave. But then he stopped ta face me and sat down again. "I'm never gonna leave you. Trust me," he smiled while shaking his head childishly.